James Sama on why you need to get yourself ready for the greatest thing that’ll ever happen to you.
I once came across a very interesting article titled “Most Women Don’t Deserve A Good Man” and posted it on Facebook for discussion. Honestly, I am not going to hyperlink the article here because sending traffic to a website that typically contradicts what mine stands for doesn’t sit right with me.
Anyway, while reading through the article, I was reminded of my days of frequenting and working as a promoter in nightclubs. People in their late teens and early twenties throwing all caution to the wind and enjoying every minute of dancing and debauchery. Ah, those were the days.
The author of the article singles out a 22-year old bartender at a local pub, and her friend, as the subjects in the article. He asks: “So what exactly qualifies you, or any modern American woman as someone who deserves a good guy”?
I think this is the wrong question. When I was 22, I probably didn’t “deserve” a good woman, either. I think the right question is, what makes you think you are ready for love?
I don’t condemn anyone for going through their party phase. I, personally, was a rare breed. I literally never even tasted a drop of alcohol until I was 21 years old. However, I am well aware how uncommon this is and I also did more than my fair share of making up for lost time.
But I knew something about myself when I was just concerned with going out whenever I could — I didn’t want, nor was I ready for, a relationship. My time was occupied with friends, video games, and nights in the city. We were young and a little crazy, and commitment wasn’t on our radars.
The author discusses how the young girls of our generation believe they deserve a good guy, but find themselves lip-locked with any random at the corner of the bar. While I certainly don’t think any man or woman does themselves any favors by loosening the necktie on their morals, I also don’t think their whole life can be judged off of some bad decisions.
While 22-year-old Jessica can be seen as “undeserving” of a good guy in the eyes of some, one is tempted to ask what our own girlfriends, wives, or significant others were doing at the bar when they were 22.
An even better consideration: Guys, what were you doing when you were 22? Can you honestly say if you found yourself pressed up against a beautiful girl you would have pushed her away? Dare I say, none of us are quite that innocent.
The author also goes on to speak about these girls/women who have gone on to marry and have children, and now place themselves above their equally-guilty counterparts on the ladder of morality. Is this right? Eh, probably not. Have they matured past the point of their base desires and found what truly matters in their lives? Very, very possibly. I know I have.
I certainly don’t believe that all women who get married and/or have kids at a young age have fully grown out of their party phase, or are good wives or mothers. I also don’t believe all men are good husbands or fathers. But, that is a different discussion for a different day.
The real question here is not who is inherently deserving of a good man or woman. We all go through phases in our lives and, by general standards, can be seen as undeserving at one point or another. The real question is: When are we ready to accept the love of another? When are we ready to pull over to the side of the road during our joyride and let someone else sit shotgun? When are we ready to place another’s well-being on the same level, if not higher, than our own?
We value different things at different ages. We appreciate different things about others in different phases of our lives. Personally, I can say that what used to attract me to women in the past would now drive me away from them. Conversely, I can confidently say that I appreciate the value of the woman I am with now because of the phase of my life I am in. Had we met when we were 22, it probably wouldn’t have worked, or it would have been short-lived.
Were neither of us deserving of each other, or were we just not ready for each other? Timing is often everything in life, and we can usually only piece together the puzzle looking backwards.
We must not vilify the actions taken by our youth. We must not enforce the notion that we will forever be judged by actions we took when we didn’t know any better. And we definitely must not perpetuate the idea that someone is not worthy of love.
We are all worthy of love, we are just not all ready for it.
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Photo credit: Gustavo Gomes/flickr