Life is not fair
Because life is not fair we have created the ideas of justice, and equality. We all wish to have equal opportunity to try, to fail if we must, and to succeed when we can with all new lessons learned.
There are whole books, podcasts, shows, essays, and more about how our society is failing boys and men.
Boys don’t do as well in school. Many more women are getting into college. Many more women are earning in the workforce. Some boys and some men are feeling their masculinity, or maleness is under threat. More get in trouble or fights. There are rumors that men losing their identity and sense of self is making them misogynistic, or intolerant of diversity in general. We even hear that if denied their entitled sexuality, we can expect men to become violent.
It is true.
We are failing boys and men because we still don’t have most boys and men fighting tooth and nail (lovingly) for justice and for equality for all people. Just as all of the above markers about how tough men have it out there are true, it is also true that women have a long way to go to have more opportunity, more voice, more choice, more representation, and more freedom.
We don’t need more women feminists. We need more human feminists. We don’t need the in-fighting of Trans exclusive, (TERFS, white feminism, etc.) or any exclusive anything.
If we need something right now, it is to define inclusion.
Culturally, to progress, our world must finally find a team, (ecopsychologists choose life-sustaining Earth) and expand the circle of compassion from there.
We will not save this world by dividing it, but by uniting it. First, save our human tribe, and in doing so, protect our biosphere.
That old saying about “some of my best friends are …”
We sometimes hear lots of reassurance from people who say, “I can’t be racist, my child is Black,” Or, “I have a daughter, I can’t be sexist.”
Oh. Rest assured. You are racist. You are sexist. All who are raised as social beings are socialized.
Saying that because we see and know someone exists that we know what they experience is silly. No one knows what another sense pod experiences.
We are factually composed of what we are born into and what we acquire externally, in this life. And that changes constantly. Sometimes slowly. Sometimes quickly.
If we have pollution in our air, it’s silly to say it doesn’t affect me. If we have toxins or cancel cells in our being, it’s ridiculous to say I am not affected.
That is, to varying degrees, thanks to internalized messages, implicit bias, and human defense mechanisms, we are all human.
We can be anti-something (like anti-cancer) and still be hurt by it. It is the same way with all prejudice and conditioning about our cultural roles.
If you see any cultural products, television, novels, movies, radio, advertising, or anything whatsoever, and do not see how much societal standards change over time, then you are hopelessly detached.
Employing the love of men
It’s time to revisit the wisdom of “But I love my neighbor! I love my sister or daughter! I can’t be a bigot.”
If you use any variation of this idea, reflect upon why.
Yes, you do love others. And that is actually quite useful even though we are not the same person he, or she, is.
We are now bombarded with opinions about how males are having a hard time with it. This gives any vested interest tons of scapegoats to point fingers at feminism, supremacy, socialism, failed capitalism, and so forth.
But use love instead. Use the love for your son, and your daughter, to point out that although we are all affected by constructs and even biology, we are not slaves to it. Point out that you love your brother, and support your gay, or Trans child. Point out that most feminists are married to men, and that many feminists ARE male. Point out that morality is always first about LOVE, not judgment.
You may not comprehend all that a loved one endures, to know you are on the side of their triumphs. This is how we know that feminism includes the love of all those who are male.
It helps to have common definitions of words.
Feminism: the belief in political, economic, and social equality of the sexes.
Acquiring feminism is not a monolith. It is not perfect. It is a process.
Display that every time we frame these issues as binary, or Us versus Them, that assumes a rivalry rather than a team effort. We need Team Human.
Point out that you do not want women to succeed at the expense of males failing to succeed. We cannot sacrifice boys or men to save women. We have to include them and employ universal love to save all.
Demanding privilege leads all people to fail.
Remember, until all are free, none are free.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Naassom Azevedo on Unsplash
100% wrong- it’s nonstop male bashing criticizing contempt and outright hatred of “yes all men” and “KAM”
”It is true. We are failing boys and men because we still don’t have most boys and men fighting tooth and nail (lovingly) for justice and for equality for all people.” I counted at least six things in that short passage alone that are wholly subjective, or impossibly vague, or both. To be clear, that was the passage beginning with the words: “It is true.” “If we have pollution in our air, it’s silly to say it doesn’t affect me. If we have toxins or cancel cells in our being, it’s ridiculous to say I am not affected. That is,… Read more »
”We are now bombarded with opinions about how males are having a hard time with it. This gives any vested interest tons of scapegoats to point fingers at feminism, supremacy, socialism, failed capitalism, and so forth.” Any scapegoating would be ill-advised, and likely to fail, if for no other reason then that it would give “feminism”, “supremacy”, “socialism”, “failed capitalism”, and “so forth” equal license and latitude to point fingers back at the “vested interests”, with even greater moral authority to boot. That passage also discounts possibility that “feminism”, “supremacy”, “socialism”, failed capitalism”, and “so forth” could themselves ever qualify… Read more »
“Feminism: the belief in political, economic, and social equality of the sexes.” Is that equality of outcome, or equality of opportunity, or both? I’ve seen so many articles, posts, think pieces, and op-eds citing an anodyne one-or-two sentence defining “feminism” (usually from the dictionary or the encyclopedia – checkmate!) that it’s almost axiomatic. I have no doubt many people believe with the purest of heart and intentions that feminism (however broadly or narrowly they choose to define it) ‘loves and supports men.’ And so, whatever falls under the rubric of ‘feminism’ is correspondingly good and just and immutably, objectively true:… Read more »
“Some boys and some men are feeling their masculinity, or maleness is under threat. More get in trouble or fights. There are rumors that men losing their identity and sense of self is making them misogynistic, or intolerant of diversity in general. We even hear that if denied their entitled sexuality, we can expect men to become violent.” . Perhaps. But since when have rumors, conjecture, or hyperbole been considered to be an adequate replacement for objective causation? Do “some” men and boys uniformly feel ‘their’ masculinity or ‘maleness’ is under threat? Which ones? And among that subset, are you… Read more »