Question: I’m in a love triangle between two best friends. Let me explain. I recently got engaged to my now fiancé and I couldn’t be happier. The issue is his roommate has been his best friend since college so I’m kind of competing with their 10 yr relationship. While the friend hasn’t come straight out and said it, I believe he’s jealous because he’s constantly picking fights with me and it’s driving my fiancé nuts. My fiancé just wants us to get along, but I just don’t see it happening. How can I mend the fences with a man who thinks I’ve ruined his BROmance?
Answer: I can only imagine how frustrating it must be to have it feel like somebody is constantly picking on you when you’re not even doing something wrong.
I can see how it drives your fiancé nuts that his two favorite people just can’t get along.
And I can see how intimidating you must be to the friend because you are definitely destroying status quo.
Let’s first go back to the understanding that in order to have a new experience, the old experience has to die. People are often surprised when something super great happens that something else super challenging happens simultaneously. Yet in actuality all we’re doing is focusing on the fantasy and avoiding the nightmare…
What do I mean? When you and your boyfriend became engaged… Your single life and dating life ended, died, was crushed, annihilated and destroyed. And you’re engaged life and married life-to-be got created, born, birthed, breathed life into, yes?
Suffering happens when people are unwilling to acknowledge the grief and process it in an honoring way. Instead they stuff it or in the case of your fiancé‘s friend… project it onto you by picking fights. My love, all that’s going on is he sad and scared on the inside and doesn’t know how to deal with it. That’s not meant to condone his behavior, instead to give you understanding which can lead to compassion while dissolving anywhere you’re taking this personally and reacting like you’re a BAD person or righteously, like ‘How could he???’
To me life is not about chasing highs and getting it right. Happiness is a choice no the matter what your circumstances… And every experience both pleasant and unpleasant, have both advantages and disadvantages… So given there’s nothing wrong (or right) here…, let’s apply these balanced points of view to your situation.
The pleasant part is getting engaged to your fiancé, yes? Clearly there is a fantastic advantage to that… Yet the disadvantage is now the best friend is jealous and you are the brunt of his dissatisfaction.
The unpleasant part is having to deal with his cranky friend, yes? Clearly there is a annoying disadvantage to that… Yet the advantage is you get to learn to release resistance and open your heart in allowance of another’s experience. You get practice at engaging with compassionate, curious and conscious conversations with him to build a bridge of acknowledgment, understanding and the new reality for both of you. This will make you an even better wife, mother and lover, yes?
I’m sure you’d agree that a solid foundation in a relationship is required to weather the storms and challenges of life, yes? Given you’ve already run into a bump, one of the greatest wedding gifts you could give your selves is to begin foundation couple’s marriage-strenghing counseling sessions.
Most couples don’t do this because picking out flowers (or living in fantasy that you’ll never fight) is way more fun than maturely learning about healthy communication skills and regular intimacy rituals that make a marriage thrive. Most couples are terrified to put worst case scenarios out on the table BEFORE they happen. Yet if they don’t, there isn’t a healthy deal in place to navigate unexpected challenges. Couples end up feeling blindsided which creates not only fights, stonewalling, withholding of sex and overall anxiety and conflict… but it leads to affairs, separation and divorce. Make sense?
If you’d like support in not only immediately addressing this love triangle yet also going deeper to create an even more solid foundation for your awesome engagement and marriage… I encourage you to apply for a complementary strategy session with me now at www.allanapratt.com/connect
The return on investment will be smooth sailing and solid friendships within your love triangle and a thriving heart healthy intimate marriage for years to come.
Looking forward to smoothing the waters for you as you set sail into a nourishing horizon of conscious connection, kind of corny ending xox… yet honestly and gratefully, Allana
p.s. Check out 100’s of inspiring Intimate Conversation Podcast Interviews found at www.AllanaPratt.com/podcast
Gentlemen…End the Fear of Rejection.
Enjoy your “How To Be A Noble Badass” Complementary Training at www.GetHerToSayYes.com
Ladies…Be irresistible. Feel sacred. Attract him now.
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