Five Lessons on Love From One of the World’s Greatest Con Artists

If you are looking for love in the 21st century, especially if you are a woman, it is time to watch the Netflix Documentary “The Tinder Swindler” which first aired in February 2022.

There are two reasons to watch this documentary tonight.

First, believe it or not, the Tinder Swindler has struck again, in his home country of Israel. Simon Hayut, aka Simon Leviev, aka David Cohen was extradited to Israel in 2019 to stand trial for forgery charges that predated the many crimes detailed in the film. Infuriatingly, he was sentenced to only 15 months of jail time and was released after five months. Less than a year later he was back to his shenanigans and last week, 25-year-old Iren Tranov was interviewed by Israeli media reporting that she too had fallen for his antics lending him $140,000, even after viewing the documentary.

The second reason anyone dating in the 21st century needs to see this film is that it is a cautionary tale about dating in the digital age, human psychology, and the intoxicating power of love.

Watching this film can help you to take a long hard look in the mirror. What you might see is not pretty, but having the courage to look can save you from some serious heartache, even if you never cross paths with a professional con artist.

Who is the Tinder Swindler?

The phrase “the Tinder Swindler” was coined by Norwegian reporters Natalie Remøe Hansen and Kristoffer Kumar who broke the story for VG, Norway’s largest newspaper, and by the victim of the Swindler’s crimes.

You can see the original photo expose here.

The nickname “the Tinder Swindler” refers to 31-year-old Israeli con artist Shimon Hayut, who is presently wanted in at least seven countries for crimes such as theft, forgery, and fraud. In 2022, Netflix released a documentary, directed by Felicity Morris, dramatizing the story captured in the VG piece.

Hayut has been perfecting the crime described in the Netflix documentary for the better part of a decade. In the film, his victim Cecilie Schrøder Fjellhøy claims that the time he spent in a Finnish prison paying for similar crimes, was instrumental in helping him refine his perfect con.

The “Tinder Swindler’s” target is young women looking for love.

His women do not need to be wealthy. Rather, once he uses basic human psychology to make them fall in love, often promising marriage and children along the way, he coaches them in taking out loans, usually amounting to +/- $150,000, and so that they can give the money to him. In a perfect Ponzi scheme, he uses the funds from one mark to fund his next, living a life of jet-setting international luxury along the way.

The Tinder Swindler’s Perfect Con

The Tindler Swindler’s methods are based on a one-two punch, and it is a combination that can swindle anyone dating in the modern world, even if your new match is not a professional con artist.

The combo goes like this: scarcity + threat.

The Tinder Swindler’s first date with every woman whose story has been made public has two common features. First, it was super fancy, taking place in five-star hotels or restaurants, and second, he infused it with a sense of urgency. Before inviting the woman on a first date, he explained that he was flying out of town the next morning. Generously, he then offers, “Would you like to join me for a luxury five-star dinner tonight, before I go?”

After jet-setting out of town, the Tinder Swindler masterfully uses basic human psychology around scarcity to his advantage. Having left his date wanting more, the Tinder Swindler’s con begins when he disappears. By tempting women looking for love and then heading out of town, he lets their minds do all of the hard work for him. Longing replaces the nitty gritty details that come with really getting to know someone new.

This is a lesson we are all well-served to learn — our fantasies are always more attractive to us than nitty-gritty reality.

When swept up in the excitement of new relationships, it can be hard to see how actively our fantasies are at work. But, the Tinder Swindler knows that they are. So, after tempting his mark, he gets out of the way and lets her mind populate his absence with her dreams.

Scarcity + Threat

The second jab in the Tinder Swindler’s one-two punch is threat. Just before he moves in for the kill, convincing his “girlfriends” to take out lines of credit or loans on his behalf, he lets them know that “it is just you and me against the world, baby.” As the Tinder Swindler’s relationships are largely virtual, all it takes is sending a few bloody photos to establish the fear he is looking for. “My enemies are out to get me.” In some circumstances, he includes her in the threat too, implying that both he and she are not safe.

As an Israeli watching the Netflix documentary about the Tinder Swindler, it does not surprise me to hear him talk so openly and freely about “the enemies that are out to get him.” Such discourse is common in Israel, where, as a point of fact, the country is still at war with most of its immediate neighbors. However, as an American (I am both), watching the Swindler’s marks fall for such extreme language was a lesson for me in human psychology.

Though members of many Western societies value a mode of discourse that is nuanced rather than black and white, the Tinder Swindler’s success demonstrates just how primal black/white, us/them rhetoric can be.

When it comes to love, mating, and partnership, many of us still resonate with the basic narrative that true love means “us against the world.” That narrative, which we might call loyalty, is a key ingredient in our fantasies about modern love.

Five Lessons on Human Psychology from the Tinder Swindler

Here are the five lessons anyone dating in the 21st-century digital world would be well served to learn from the antics of the Tinder Swindler.

1. Love is an intoxicant, one of the most potent and long-lasting drugs pumping in the bloodstreams of humans in the 21st century. If you are aiming to fall in love, best to face the fact that you are going to go a little crazy along the way.
2. Many women still crave traditional things: A man of means to sweep her off of her feet and offer to provide shelter and safety. They are willing to forgo their better judgment in service of that prize old world prize.
3. Modern dating is highly virtual, even in relationships that are “in-person.” In a world where googling someone is the first way we assess their character, a few false blog posts or a highly manicured Insta account are all it takes to fool someone.
4. “Us/Them” thinking rears its head when looking for love. On some level, we like the idea of finding a mate with whom we can face the world. But, if that potential mate turns the safe people in your life into threats to your emerging bond, best you run the other way.
5. The most crucial lesson of the Tinder Swindler is this: We who are looking for love fill in the gaps between us and our beloved with our fantasies. It is that human tendency, more than any other, that the Tinder Swindler understands so well.

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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