You’ve been dating this guy for over a year now, yet sometimes it feels like you just started dating.
You have done everything couples do. You’ve traveled together, you are acquainted with each other’s friends, and you’ve met each other’s families. He supports your career and encourages you to pursue more dreams. And you do the same for him.
With him, you feel at home. You know he likes you. You know he’s protective of you. But you are not getting those ‘happy after’ conversations people in love have. When you raise topics about the future, he becomes indifferent.
There’s nothing more frustrating than not knowing where you stand in someone else’s heart, especially when you are madly in love with them.
Labels make it easier for us to know what we mean to a person. But for a partner who gives mixed signals, it’s difficult to know if you are a girlfriend or just sex buddies.
And it can be awkward asking someone if they are in love with you, or why they don’t want to commit to you. So you are left with watching their actions and deciphering the meaning behind them.
How to know if he is scared to love you
Men and women respond to love differently. While women may be ready to love and jump into a relationship immediately, men are often more guarded, and sometimes even threatened by feelings of love.
This is one of the reasons men pull away from a relationship and play the field rather than settle down.
Some say biology is the reason why men don’t commit to their relationships. They found that men are genetically engineered to be with more than one woman in other to spread their genes.
While others say it’s because men mature more slowly than women, therefore feelings of love develop slower too.
Whatever the reason, love is a touchy subject for most men. They feel trapped when their heart belongs to someone. Some think falling in love takes away power and places it in the hands of the woman.
Fear of love can negatively affect a relationship. And if you want to know whether you are trapped in a limbo between casual sex and courtship, here are signs to look out for.
He doesn’t want anything serious
Your boyfriend says he wants to keep things casual, but you stay with the hope he will change his mind with time.
This is a common tact by men when they are afraid to fall in love. However, this doesn’t mean every man who wants a casual relationship is doing it because his afraid of love because there are plenty of men who are only looking for casual relationships.
But if you two have been dating for more than six months and he’s still not able to move the relationship forward, if he doesn’t introduce you to his family or makes long-term plans with you, is a sign he’s afraid of loving you.
He gives mixed signals
If your man is sweet and loving in one minute and hostile in the next, this could be a sign that fear of love is an issue for him.
Men act this way because they are fighting an internal battle with themselves. In one part is the side that loves you and wants to be with you and the other side is afraid and wants to run for the hills.
He doesn’t trust easily
Trust is built. It cannot be handed to anybody who shows interest in us. However, If you haven’t given him a reason not to trust you then it isn’t on you, it is on him.
Chances are he’s afraid of what everyone thinks and how they judge him. If he is super insecure, he will constantly look for clues that confirm that you are not going to leave him.
Fear of being hurt can be a sign of major trust issues. If he tells you it’s difficult for him to trust someone, then you must know it won’t be easy for him to fall in love too.
He’s been single for a long time
This one can be a bit tricky, because there are so many reasons why people stay single, whether it’s by choice or circumstances.
A new relationship is an untapped territory, and most of us have natural fears of the unknown. We tend to believe that the more we care, the more we get hurt.
Therefore falling in love means taking a huge risk. The more a person means to us, the more we fear losing that person.
So if he’s a stable, happy, healthy guy, and he’s been single for years, it may be a sign he’s afraid to fall in love.
He doesn’t talk about his feelings
This doesn’t necessarily mean he’s afraid to fall in love with you, but it’s definitely a sign he struggles with his emotions. In other words, he’s likely to struggle with feelings of love too when the time comes.
If he struggles to communicate with you about emotional issues, if he shies away from conflicts and refuses to discuss matters of the heart, you can bet love is a big issue for him.
Parting thoughts
Most relationships come with many challenges. Knowing our fear of intimacy and how they report our behavior is an important step to having a long-term satisfying relationship.
If you’ve been open about your expectations and supportive of his dreams and he still doesn’t want a long-term relationship, then take it as a sign that he simply isn’t the commitment type.
At this point, what you can do is move on and find a better partnership elsewhere.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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