Day 3 of the approach anxiety challenge is here, and today I’ll show you how to approach a woman from start to finish. In fact, the video below features a conversation between me and a woman I’d just said hello to. I urge you to watch it to see a clear example of the various principles I’m teaching being put into action.
Also, this guide isn’t a set-in-stone biblical text from which you can never deviate. It’s simply a set of starter wheels to follow while getting your feet wet traversing the murky and daunting waters of talking to women you don’t know.
The more you do this, the more comfortable you’ll be. And the more comfortable you are with talking to beautiful women, the less you’ll need a guide. At some point, your mind will just be to have fun, enjoy the moment, and give you access to the sweet, delicious, razor-sharp wit that women covet,
Finally, the recording in the video at the bottom of the post was used with the permission of the woman in question, whose identity was obscured to protect her privacy.…
You ready?!
Here come the pain!
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Step 1 – introduce yourself
The interaction in the video below started when I noticed her looking at me & waved her over. However, if it hadn’t worked that way, I could have walked over and said:
Hey, I know this is a bit random, but you’re unbelievably beautiful (swap this for whatever was remarkable about her), so I had to talk to you.
That’s a good opener because it lets her know you’re not a socially uncalibrated fool who doesn’t understand that talking to strangers sits outside of established social norms. You’re a cool human who understands social dynamics & so is she. However, you need to tell her something.
Your vibe is everything
The main thing to focus on is your vibe. You want to be confident, not arrogant and exude genuinely positive energy. A good thing to remember is that your thoughts create your vibe. This means if you’re thinking angry thoughts, you’ll create an angry vibe; conversely, if you’re having fun or sensual thoughts, you’ll create a fun or sensual vibe.
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Step 2 – Tell her why she intrigues you
This is where you’ll essentially psychoanalyse her and try and work out what kind of person she is, and it’s great because:
- It shows you have a more profound interest in her than just her looks.
- It makes her feel seen and understood, which people love.
- It’s highly intriguing, and she’ll likely want to know what made you say those things.
- It sets you aside from the scores and scores of men so blinded by her beauty that they forget she’s an actual person.
Examples:
You have great posture. Are you a dancer?
I’m getting an artistic vibe from you. You a painter?
Your dress sense tells me you work in fashion.
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Step 3 – Give her a reason to care about you
You now want to pique her interest in you, which you’ll do by demonstrating high value & having an emotionally charged interaction.
A great way of demonstrating value is by casually referring to things which, while being true, will raise your worth in her eyes. However, this has to be done in an organic way that doesn’t seem like you’re bragging. If she thinks you’re bragging, you’ll look like a tryhard and the chances of you getting to know her are practically zero.
A fantastic example is me telling the woman in the video that I’m a writer at the 2:35 mark.
Women don’t often meet writers, especially young black male ones, so my telling her made me unique, and novel (see what I did there?!), and that’s why she asked me to tell her about it.
Our discussion about my book showcased what makes me interesting and gave her a chance to get to know me.
Remember that women aren’t attracted to looks nearly as much as we are. The woman you’re approaching doesn’t just want to know what you look like. She wants to know who you are too.
As for the conversation itself, the woman you’re talking to should be feeling strong emotions throughout. That’s your goal. Not to have a ‘nice’ interaction but to actually impact her day.
Keep her laughing, make her curious, intrigued, aroused, excited and more. Keep the vibe fun, and for the love of God, do not fall into a 2+2=4 conversation with her. Why? Because:
Logic is the enemy of female attraction.
Let me just say that again so it really sinks in:
Logic is the enemy of female attraction.
She needs you to give her a good time. She doesn’t need your resume.
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Be in the moment and go with the flow
This is crucial to keeping things exciting, so ignore it at your peril. My comment at the 3:00 mark of the video about her staring into my eyes wasn’t just accurate. It was pleasantly shocking to her because it was unrelated to the convo at the time. That caused laughter, more fun, and an unpredictable dynamic which was very attractive.
However, I wouldn’t have thought to say that if I was stuck in my head and over-analysing myself. Instead, I’d have been giving off an awkward vibe which would have been off-putting. A moment which increased her attraction would have been replaced with one that diminished it.
Remember that you’re not there to take from her. You’re there to give her energy. Your energy. Be the source of good times and give her the gift of you.
Have fun. It’s magnetic.
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There must be a man-to-woman vibe
This is essential. She probably won’t give you her number if she can’t see herself ever sleeping with you. And even if she does, she’ll most likely ghost you. Oh, and on the topic of ghosting, spend as much time with her as possible to reduce the chance of that happening.
I get it, though. Approaching women is a terrifying thing, and when it’s going well, you’ll want to leave asap so you don’t mess it up. Like I said, I get it, but the thing is that the less she remembers how awesome you are, the less likely she’ll be to reply. Also, the less time she spends with you, the less likely she’ll be to remember how awesome you are.
Does that mean you have to spend 48 hours with every woman you approach? Of course not. But a woman who’s had a 59-minute coffee with you is way more likely to reply than one who just chatted to you for 2 minutes on the street.
Anyway, that’s all for today, meu amigo. Stay tuned for part 4 soon.
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Did you get great, scintillating, tangible value from this? Lovely, so follow me on Medium for more. Also, join my newsletter for exclusive podcasts and interviews and get my free ebook, 12 Secrets About Attracting Women Society Won’t Tell You.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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