Maybe there IS a friendzone. A young writer sends a dispatch from the ‘zone’. And he’s not happy.
Whew, finally! It took a while to find true love, but hey, after multiple attempts, you made it. We are delighted for you, not so much him, and now you hate us for the wrong reasons. Sorry?
How were we to deny feeling shortchanged after a decade of rejections? We’ve been there since day one: greeting the scumbags, escorting them out, witnessing your development go from a “Christian girl” to a persona compatible with that of Miley Cyrus, back to Whoopi Goldberg in “Sister Act.” Man, we loved all of your costumes.
We guys, rarely — meaning never — gave any of the d-bags you dated the benefit of the doubt. Something about these arrogant studs you said “yes” to made it overtly easy for us to assume that they’d cheat, break up with you first or manipulate you. On a serious note, until the moment those pretty lips say “I do,” we’re not going to take it.
Okay, you hate us for our brutal honesty, we know. Besides not being able to make you laugh anymore, you think we have changed for the worse. You’re right; we failed to grow an inch after graduating the 12th grade.
The only six-pack we cared about was our Yuengling, and our faces have bloated up as if we ate one too many cups of ramen. Not to sound like I’m swiping the Victim Card here because, well, I’m not, but we really applaud you for saying “yes” to the ONE person you are most…
Compatible With
We reminded you this tidbit after every breakup: You can do better.
But you were molded. When assh*les broke up with you more regularly than dropped AT&T calls, you became more jaded than the puzzled Virgin Mary mosaic in the Catholic churches.
Breakups got old, quick. We started to expect them around the six-month mark. We were there to cheer you up after getting sliced.
The only reason we bothered to do shoulder workouts was so that you could lean and cry on them. We were literally your consolation prize.
These gestures, subconsciously, were compatibility in its purest form. But we were young, and being pure was synonymous to being boring, which explains why you stayed flirting with those guys with whom you “shared so much in common.”
Eventually we lost touch because you were busy being touched, and no matter how much we tried to keep in touch, you screened our calls.
We are glad you found someone to genuinely understand and listen to you talk about your day.
Attracted To
Washboard abs: perfect for your dirty laundry. Just kidding. Perhaps, though, it is time for a new wardrobe.
Face it: Girls would kill to go on half a date with any guy from your boyfriend résumé. From charming to the most fashionable, the latest acquisition — Mr. Right — is the best looking, thus far.
I’m sure that you’re not with him because of his facial features. Hey, as long as you wake up next to him every morning and like what you see, by all means, say “yes.”
In Love With
Your heartbreaks haunt us more than they haunt you. Glass shatters nearby, and we’re reminded of the sound your vases made the night you threw them off the balcony.
One of your highly intelligent exes asked me for your hand in high school. I thought the gesture was respectable and chivalrous.
He knew that I liked you a lot. He also was aware that I had no chance, therefore, he asked me for permission. I approved.
Want to know what he did after prom, right after he dumped you? That hellacious guy had the audacity to ask where I get the patience to deal with your immaturity.
Ah, and to imagine that you might have taken our friendship for granted. Countless nights we defended you. Our beliefs were uprooted eventually, and really, there’s only so much a primary source can do.
The more you allowed these rabbits to come over, smash-and-dash, the more stressed out we turtles were finding you in the clouds of their dust. Good thing your fiancé has a visor on his helmet.
Playing the blame game would take longer to finish than a night of Monopoly. Basically, our miscommunication led to mistrust, and mistrust cemented your predisposition of boys, which then (probably) caused our fallout.
Unconditional love does not expire. Truthfully, burning bridges is never part of our agenda, and no, we are not arsonists.
Your fiancé embodies perfection — handsome, sharp jawline, personable, no A-list fame. We’ll do our best to be happy for you.
Originally appeared at Elite Daily
Photo Maurice Ayal Flickr
About the author: Daniel Park. Daniel has logged journal entries since 1998 (and doesn’t intend to stop). His ramblings are vaulted in these books-currently 11 diaries-and a raggedy, yet loyal, shoe box in the closet dares to house them. He has written on a variety of experiences, ranging from his struggles, heartaches and the pursuit of happiness, to his Ms. Fortune with the ladies. For Daniel, every blank wall is a document waiting to be scrabbled on. Just kidding.
Another guy generalizing females and believing they owe him more then friendship. I pick good boyfriends AND guy friends. Neither would be you.
Here’s what you do, son: 1.) If you want her, ask her out NOW. Not when you think ‘the time is right’, not when you’ve ‘softened’ her. Now. 2.) If she says yes, get together and work it out. See her at her best and worst, do that boyfriend thing. 3.) If she says no, WALK OUT OF HER LIFE. Just being friends is not enough for you, and you have every right to bail. Don’t ‘be there for her’ when she has no interest in being there for you. She has other friends and so do you. You’re not… Read more »
5) Do not do favors for her. Ever. No giving rides, helping to move stuff or any kind of unpaid labor. Let her hire someone to do it.
‘Unpaid labor’. Brilliant!
Watching from the sideline, I certainly feel that settling down is far better than the string of break-ups with the ensuing emotional turmoil.
You only have yourself to blame for staying around her. I’m not saying this to beat up on nice guys, because I was one. But guys can be too faithful and too loyal to the idea of love. The PUA crowd calls this “oneitis,” and it makes us orbit girls like this when we should be cutting them out of our lives as soon as they choose another man over us. You’re spending all this time and emotional energy over an unworthy woman when you could say “to hell with her and her breakups” and go look for a better,… Read more »
because women are only good for one thing.. and if they’re not giving you that one thing they’re good for, what’s the point, am i right fellas! gotta love when men call the very women they are in love with “unworthy” because she doesn’t share the same feelings. Talk about a superiority complex. If she were truly “unworthy” you wouldn’t like her in the first place. It’s called having self respect. The fact that she is called “unworthy” ONLY after her rejections goes to show the kind of people with god complexes that think their very exsistence is a gift… Read more »
I was going to rant and rave in my own comment but this pretty much covered it. Guys put themselves in the friend zone by hanging around “being there” for girls (like, I don’t know, FRIENDS do??) and hoping that one day she’ll see the light. Either /actually/ be her friend, or talk to her about your feelings. If she is not interested in you romantically, move the hell on for both your sakes. There’s no point in just hanging around becoming that creepy guy — like gee, I wonder why she never went out with you and ended up… Read more »
Actually being someone’s friend, sometimes mean identifying self-destructing/self-hurting behaviour in that person, and not knowing what else to do, trying to talk that person out of it. Whether you are romantically interested in that person or not.
As a teenager, this most often is not the best course of action, but with limited life experience what do you do?
I think some of you are using a straw man…. but it’s really simple. if someone chooses someone else over you — you let it go. If they come around they do — but if you’re missing out on life because you’re still focused on that, that’s your fault and your problem. On the other hand — You have a choice — to gain a friend or lose one. and that’s predicated on how well you’re able to let it go. If you cannot, then you pretty much have no choice but to lose a friend because to stay around… Read more »
lol we don’t usually do because believe it or not you guys are also very picky .Most of us settle at a certain age id late 20s early 30s .then we wait for you to finish your midlife crisis faze