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Each of us has to learn to forgive others and, most importantly, ourselves. Holding a grudge does no one any good, least of all the person holding the grudge.
It’s amazing the amount of time we spend holding onto bitter, angry feelings towards others. Ask yourself: Does it make you feel better? Does staying angry affect us or the transgressor? Usually, the answer is us. We are the ones carrying the burden of anger and resentment around while the transgressor carries on blissfully ignorant of your bitterness.
People are human. Humans are strange and flawed creatures. We are selfish, hurtful, insensitive and wonderfully imperfect. The truth is that everyone has the potential to hurt us. As a matter of fact, given enough time and frequent contact EVERYONE will at one point hurt us or offend us.
I know that carrying around anger and resentment has done absolutely nothing to enable my journey. Most of the time, these things tend to be either extra weight to carry or an anchor to completely halt the journey. We need to shed these feelings to be able to move forward.
Here’s the caveat: We cannot forgive others unless we forgive ourselves first. Amazing isn’t it? Love, respect, and forgiveness each start with our Self.
We have to learn to give the best to ourselves first. We can’t carry feelings of regret, guilt, or doubt based on things that have already occurred. The past is in the past for a reason. We can’t see the horizon if we keep our eyes focused to the rear. We’ve already traveled beyond those places. Keep them as reminders of the things to do better or the things to avoid altogether. Just don’t continue carrying them and re-living the mistakes. We have all made mistakes, we have all made wrong decisions, but the truth is we did them with the information we had at the time. Yes, hindsight is 20/20 but we need to have done it to see it clearly.
Guess what folks? You ARE going to make mistakes again, and when you do; forgive yourself. People will hurt you. Forgive them. Because if you don’t and you decide to carry every one of these hurts on your journey you will eventually break under the weight of all the ones you’ve collected along the way. See, that’s why we HAVE to forgive. We have to forgive because the disappointments in life don’t ever end. It’s not as depressing as it sounds. Every one of these failures hurts, and betrayals, are part of the etching or brush strokes in the beauty that is you. You, my friend, are a work of art, and as such you have to be chiseled like a sculpture. It’s part of the process.
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Photo credit: Ian Espinosa