Human beings are the only thinking creatures on earth, and their words and deeds are the results of many factors. Just like in love, many times you don’t know why you do it.
This article tells about the five laws of psychology in love, which may inspire you.
01 Do you not trust your partner? Then he might be cheating
The self-fulfilling prophecy is a common symptom in psychology, which means that people will unconsciously act according to the known prophecy, and finally make the prophecy happen.
If you don’t trust your partner and feel like he might be cheating on you, then all I can say is that you’re about to get the last thing you want:
Either he breaks up with you, or he likes someone else.
Because if you don’t trust him, you may keep questioning him, suspecting him, or even making trouble for no reason. At this time, he will keep arguing with you and fighting with you.
Then you will feel that his behavior is to show that he doesn’t like you and is looking for trouble, so your reaction is more intense, and you go further to quarrel with him until he can’t stand you and breaks up with you.
What’s even crueler is that some people may have nothing to do, because the other half has a high level of neuroticism, and they are very distressed. Just at this time, they met a very gentle and understanding opposite sex to enlighten them, and then they cheated.
The “self-fulfilling prophecy” in emotions is like this: what you think is what you will do to your lover, and your lover will behave like that.
02 Believe it or not, getting along for a long time can make you like each other
The phenomenon of liking more familiar things is called the “more-watching effect” in psychology.
In the 1960s, psychologist Charonz conducted an experiment in which he showed photos of some people to those who participated in the experiment and asked them to watch.
Some photos appeared more than two dozen times, some appeared more than a dozen times, and some appeared only once or twice.
Afterward, people who viewed the photo were asked to rate how much they liked it. It turned out that the more people who participated in the experiment saw a certain photo, the more they liked it.
They preferred familiar photos that they had seen more than two dozen times, rather than fresh photos that had only been seen a few times.
In other words, the number of times watched increases the degree of liking.
As long as you don’t arouse the other party’s disgust, sometimes you need to be thick-skinned to flirt with a man and a girl, get in touch with the other party more, communicate more, and create more opportunities to meet each other.
I have asked several couples before, and among them, the conditions are much better than the other party. They all said that they had no feelings for the other half at first, and did not expect to fall in love with each other, but after a long time of contact, they involuntarily began to fall in love with this person, In the end, it seems that only this person is what I want.
03 After being hurt by a philandering man for so long and still not separated? Because it’s inseparable
To avoid the negative emotions brought about by the loss, you indulge in past efforts and choose irrational behavior. This is the sunk cost effect.
You are already with him, the two of you have experienced a lot of time together, and you have spent a lot of time with this person. Although the relationship is not good, it is not all bad, and there are still some things worth remembering.
Those women are put off by the sunk cost effect whenever they think about it:
All the hard work that I have put in with him now, the good times we had, would never exist if I chose to break up.
And if I choose to break up, I admit that I fell in love with a piece of garbage and made a particularly stupid decision, but things should not be as bad as I thought, and there is still a chance for improvement.
If I can persist any longer, maybe he will change his mind.
Countless women who have never left after being hurt by scumbags are imprisoned by such thoughts. They are reluctant to give up the last thing worth remembering in their relationship, and they are very resistant to the fact that they made a mistake and loved the wrong person, so they chose not to leave, expecting each other to get better little by little.
04 Weighing the pros and cons repeatedly in love. Does it help find happiness? The answer is no
The watch theorem means that everyone cannot choose two different codes of conduct or values at the same time, otherwise that person’s behavior will be in chaos.
The biggest problem for many people is not that they don’t know what they want, but that they want too much, but the actual conditions are not perfect, which makes it impossible to decide for all in the end.
Just like some people not only want the kind of independent and respectful couple relationship but also want to be as “sweet” and “warm” as the interdependent couple;
Some people not only want the other party to have a successful career but also want the other party to be their “little milk dog” whenever they are called;
Some people not only want their partner to be suave and charming but also want him to be loyal, dedicated, and honest.
It’s not that no one can have both attributes at the same time, but there are too few of them. We must think about what factors we value, and we can’t just think “I want them all”.
When choosing a mate or making emotional decisions, the best way is to tell yourself:
If I make this choice, can I bear the negative consequences?
If I could only value one factor, which one would I choose better?
When you want too much, but the reality is very skinny, you will get pain.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Siora Photography on Unsplash