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One of my favorite movies of 2017 was writer-director Greta Gerwig’s “Lady Bird” starring Saoirse Ronan as Catholic girls school senior Christine “Lady Bird”. Although nominated for several Oscars, “Lady Bird” won none. Yet, the movie was eloquently and humorously personal.
In the poignant narrative arc, Lady Bird discovers her boyfriend Danny, played by Lucas Hedges, is gay. She’s devastated. Danny was her first love. He’s the oldest son in the large Catholic family, so he suffers in his denial almost by construct.
After his ‘outing’, Danny visits Lady Bird at the coffee shop where she works. They talk outside the shop. He wants to explain. Lady Bird says, “You’re gay!” Danny cries, “Please don’t tell my parents… I’m so ashamed!” Her heart breaks in his suffering, like the audience’s. Lady Bird hugs Danny in her arms. I cried watching in the theater.
What Danny fears most is being himself. He has no freedom to just be.
Sometimes, the fear to be oneself is one of our greatest fears. It is what it is to be human. We pretend to be what we’re not.
I’ve feared being me so many times. I think we all have, at one time or another. I can’t know what goes on inside another. Yet, I can have compassion for his or her suffering. I can be kind to another human being.
Perhaps, what the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender community fears most is not having the freedom to be themselves. Their authentic self-expression is compromised. In our cultural past they might have pretended to be what they’re not in order to survive, to avoid prejudice, and even to avoid death.
Many of the LGBT community forfeit their inherent freedom to be just to survive. Gradually, our cultural times are slowly transforming. Albeit not quickly enough. People are starting to discover their own defining voices, as they discover their power within.
I’ve feared being me. I pretended that “I was okay” when I was physically weak, ailing and depressed from working in my previous career. I pretended so I wouldn’t burden my friends. I worked with my therapist Lance in looking at my past unresolved fear that arose. We discovered my more appropriate response to my fear. I also began to forgive the source of my childhood fears. I slowly built up my body with my physical trainer Eric. I got back into Aikido. Life began anew.
One of the things that gave me faith in me was having lunch every few weeks with my best friend Chuck. Chuck got me the current job I love. We’ve been friends for over 25 years. I’ve had the honor and privilege of working with and for him over the years. Chuck has a great heart. He taught me what it is to be a good leader, to be a good man, and what a caring father can be. Chuck is my hero. Spending time together allows both of us to just be.
Recently, Chuck and I had lunch together when our schedules synched up. Riding in his car, Chuck told me about college campus visits with his youngest son.
We talked while eating our favorite spicy chicken teriyaki. I told Chuck that I self-published my book through Kindle on Amazon, an amazing and worthwhile adventure. Chuck told me about his weekend challenges installing an air conditioner that went awry. We talked about the distinctive lack of US leadership, and the influence of lobbyists amidst the tragedy of the Parkland shootings. We talked about life happening.
Chuck’s kindness and compassion free me up to be me. Chuck is a Brother to me. I love him.
We all know others, who in some way suffer in their freedom to be themselves. My friend Cheryl reminds, “Be kind to others. Be kind to yourself. Have your life make a difference.” Simple. Yet, practice like your life depends upon this.
Dare to be you in all your frailty and glory. Discover your freedom within. There’s only one you. Announce yourself to the world. The world is greater when you get to be more you.
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Photo credit: Pixabay