Gay Man Reunites With Estranged Father After Seven Years. “It Takes Time but You Gotta Work at It.” [Video]

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When Nick initially came out to his friends and family, he was understandably nervous – especially with his traditional Italian family. Yet little by little, he learned his fears were unfounded. Whether it was his lifelong friends or his conservative family, almost everyone in his life were supportive and welcoming.

His father was a different story entirely. After finding out he had a gay son, Nick’s dad was furious he was the last to find out and rejected him, resulting in seven long years of estrangement. Only when his dad faced a health crisis did Nick feel comfortable enough to re-enter his life, demonstrating the unconditional love and care that his father would eventually learn to reciprocate.

Transcript provided by YouTube:

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[Music]
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foreign
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hi my name is Nick from Toms River New
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Jersey I was in my mid-20s living in New
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York City
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um I met a guy I went home with him we
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had a really wonderful night we decided
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that we were going to see each other the
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following weekend as things progressed
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uh I knew that it was finally a moment
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for me that I needed to come out because
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I couldn’t hide anymore with the person
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that I was in love with the Saving Grace
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for me was my best friends that were
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lesbians so I drove down to their
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apartment in New Jersey at the time and
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it took so much of my energy to get the
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words out
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and they literally were like
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thank God it’s taken you so long to
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figure this out they just reassured me
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they were like we knew we were waiting
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for you to tell us we didn’t want to
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rush through you
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um
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and we’re so happy subsequently after
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that I got the courage and every single
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one of my best friends I took out to
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dinner separately and I gave them all
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the respect of sitting with them alone
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one-on-one and telling them and that’s
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how I came out to my friends things got
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a lot easier but there were still
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challenges I had my mom over for dinner
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with my stepdad there my parents are
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divorced and I took my mother into the
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bedroom so I told her and she just
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looked at me and she was so mad at me
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she’s like I’m your mother
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you don’t lie to me and it doesn’t
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matter who you are I’m still gonna love
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you I’m your mother that was
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easier than I thought it was through
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college I had lived with my aunt and
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uncle my mother’s younger sister now
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mind you I had come out and mind you my
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aunt I was still living there and I
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hadn’t been thrown out right so you know
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understand that part that hadn’t really
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happened at the dinner table my uncle
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and I are eating and we’re just talking
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and my uncle with a straight face goes
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um he goes Nick so can I ask you
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something and I said yeah but he’s like
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so
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does this mean that we can call you
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now to your face I knew he was
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joking
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but the way he said it was so
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matter-of-fact and she literally stopped
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what she was doing she looked at him and
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she said if you ever talk to my nephew
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like that again I will kill you you will
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be out of this house that is it and
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literally my uncle just looked at me and
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he was like
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what the hell happened all of that
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hardcore
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anti-homophobic you’re not allowed in
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our world just kind of fell away so this
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story is wonderful but I hadn’t told my
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father fast forward a year later now
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I’ve been out a year I’ve been really
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good about it except my dad and I was
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calling my stepmother to let her know
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that I couldn’t make it up there that
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weekend and I called her up and she said
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you better not come and I was like okay
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what’s going on
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and he and my dad’s deaf he must have
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caught on that she was talking to me and
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I could hear him in the background he is
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not allowed in this house I don’t want
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he has ruined my life I don’t want him
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him and his mother destroyed my life he
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is not allowed like just going off the
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deep end and my stepmom was like he
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knows he figured it out he knows he’s
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pissed everyone else knew but him that
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turned into
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just a horrible seven years of not
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speaking to my dad and I eventually just
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moved forward with my life I didn’t see
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my family as much fast forward
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I get a call from my stepmom now it’s
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about eight years ago from today she
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says look
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um your dad’s been sick for the last six
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months he’s been in bed he’s just we
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don’t know what’s wrong we’re taking him
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to the hospital and you need to come you
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know when I walked in I said hello to
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him and he kinda
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he was
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cold I know he was happy I was there but
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he wasn’t going to say it yet it was
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going to take some time the days have
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gone by and we’re at the hospital every
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day and I was there every day just
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because we didn’t know where we were
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going with this there was things that
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were happening with him that needed he
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needed to stay in the hospital for a
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long period of time my dad’s deaf so if
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we weren’t there he had no idea what was
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going on and my dad because he’s my dad
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would just sit there and go okay sure
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yeah oh great it was a prolonged stay
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months and months so my stepmom and I
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decided that we would do weeks I’d stay
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a week she’d stay a week one day I was
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leaving right in the early on and
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he said
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um
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it’s he said I’ll see you tomorrow right
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and I was like yeah yeah I’ll be here he
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said to me picked up his phone and he
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said this is the this is the shaver I
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need I need this electric shaver I can
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be able it’ll help me and so on that
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level of
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get this for me or you know sharing of
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things that he you know wants to make
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him feel like a person again is was kind
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of his like all right things are better
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you know you’re my son you know I know
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you’re going to be here to take care of
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me things are okay and that is kind of
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where it started and it changed you know
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my partner now
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um we fast forward this now we’re we’re
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much far ahead we went to my
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Stepmother’s 60th birthday party down in
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Florida and we came and I was bringing
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my new boyfriend so we’re at the party
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everyone’s meeting my partner and
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they’re all loving him we get in the car
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and we drive back to our we rented a a
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Airbnb down there and uh
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and I’m driving
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and uh
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he’s texting and I’m like I’m like who
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are you texting
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and he’s like your dad I said how are
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you texting my father
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he’s like well he gave me his phone
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number
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and I’m like
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you just met him like five minutes ago
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like why did my you know now I’m like
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annoyed like why is my father giving you
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his phone number he’s like I don’t know
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he he likes me he he’s texting me to see
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when I’m coming back and what we’re
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doing tomorrow and I’m like like he
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doesn’t text me I’m not angry about it
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I’m happy about it because it’s just the
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next step in the evolution of our
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relationship I think my dad is never
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going to be
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the comfortable one with like a rainbow
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flag on his Pro on his porch and like
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he’s not he’s just not that person but
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he’s not not accepting either it took
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time you know and it takes time you know
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like
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but you gotta work at it so if there’s
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something you need to take away from
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this just remember that no matter what
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you be who you are you stand proud you
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walk with your head up and don’t let
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anybody take that from you
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foreign

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This post was previously published on YouTube.

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