Steven Dustcircle on ending the war between women and men, embracing our differences, and celebrating each other.
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Women are an necessity. They possess grace. They have wit and humor. They have an alternative perspective. Women are essential.
I don’t just mean in a marital sense. I mean in any relationship, whether as a mother, daughter, boss, co-worker, friend, best friend, acquaintance, superhero, or songstress.
Coming into manhood at the magical age of eighteen, I discovered Tori Amos. Shortly after that, I discovered Bikini Kill, Joan Jett, the Indigo Girls, Alanis Morisette, Sleater-Kinney, the Dixie Chicks, Ani DiFranco, and Terri Clark. Recently I’ve discovered Lorde, Peaches, Jess Klein, and Pussy Riot.
Some of these artists’ songs could be seen as “girl power,” while some would say that they are anti-man. Though some of the lyrical content was controversial, I never really felt threatened by songs about shooting down unwanted advances, vigilante justice against rapists, or even equal rights for women.
I felt that these songs showed something stirring within women. Maybe the lyrics were a push-back against the degrading songs about women that I grew up with, mostly within the lyrical content of 1990’s rap and 1980’s heavy metal. Maybe these songs were needed, to show that women can’t—and shouldn’t—always be “in their place.”
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Your input and output is important, ladies. The man who thinks the female side of our species isn’t important should read a book or two.
In many cultures, the woman dominates the clan—the woman calls the shots. Current examples would be the in north-east India, parts of Costa Rica, in West Sumatra, the Ede villages of Vietnam, the Akans in Ghana, the Mosuo near the Tibetan border, the Native American Hopis, and the Chambri of Papua New Guinea. Not that women should always be on top (no pun intended), but in some areas of life, it has worked out well for civilization.
However, it does take the right woman, in the right sort of climate, just as it does with men being able to lead and be led.
We men can do women a service: end the war.
- We can help uplift our female counterpart by not putting her down.
- We can raise her confidence with more than a slick compliment.
- We can elevate the leader to her position if she is qualified.
- We can praise her not for her looks or aroma, but for her convictions and compassion.
But first, we need to be not so proud. Just as a brown-eyed individual is no more important than a blue-eyed person, neither is a man more important than a woman. We are all needed. We are all equal. Since the suspicions are strong against us men, let us first be the ones to fly the white flag.
But it isn’t a surrender; it’s a joining of arms.
Photo credit: Getty Images
“But first, we need to be not so proud”, Really? Hmmm, hows your male ‘pride’ these days? You seriously asking me to ‘check my pride’? After decades of male bashing I am curious how our pride level is as a gender in western society. I am considered by society a potential rapist/pedophile and oppressor/beater of women solely due to my gender. My parenting skills are suspect as it is a commonly held belief that women are better parents (court default). My role models on tv are bumbling oafs who need a woman’s help and wisdom to navigate the complexity of… Read more »
Well it would appear that all of the matriarchal societies you listed are primitive and not advanced societies. Just because women are the default leaders doesn’t make them an example to hold up, in fact if I was a feminist trying to convince men that we need to surrender the gender war and defer to women, I wouldn’t include these bad examples of women in leadership. The examples provided insinuate that cultures lead by women fail to advance technologically and remain relatively primitive. If you are going to convince men to join your worldview perspective you need to bring positive… Read more »
The onus isn’t on men to end this, because men are not the ones that started it. I will concern myself with what I can do for women when they offer something of value to me in return.
I don’t know about that. I don’t think you necessarily do for someone because you expect something in return. I see the point, but I think that has a lot to do with whether someone can do something for you. In many situations men are just better situated to do for women in the business world. That doesn’t excuse women from not doing what they can. My point is that many times people think that men don’t want to help women or worse want to hold women back. Many times men feel that they can’t or shouldn’t help women because… Read more »
I think you conflate two different things. There is a persons politics and there is a person’s personal life. Much of the gender war is conducted on the political level like siblings fighting for resources. How much gender war do you see in everyday life even when it comes to employment. I’ not so sure if it’s men’s fault for not helping women advance in the workforce. I’ve worked in the IT field for almost 30 years and have noticed that the bigger problem is that men won’t associate with women because they have (possibly an irrational) fear that they’ll… Read more »
The war is pretty much over. I think most people just don’t see it yet. It will take some time for both sides to get used to the results and stop pining for the past. It’s not coming back.