How many of us think about the word “professionalism”? For Jacob Tobia, this is something to be considered every day.
I looked myself up and down in the full-length mirror. Blouse tucked in? Check. Pearl earrings on? Check. Lipstick flawless? Check. After a few minutes of primping, posing and deep breathing, I was off to my first day at a new job.
When I start a new job, I struggle with all of the typical trepidations and hesitations. Will my coworkers like me? Will I fit in with the office culture? Am I formatting this report the right way?
But one question loomed above all others as I started my job last week: what should I wear to work?
In many ways, it’s a concern everyone faces. On the first day, everyone wants to get their outfit just right. The morning before a new job, most of us spend an extra ten, twenty or thirty minutes making sure that our hair is properly coiffed, our deodorant is both effective and unobtrusive and our outfit is on point.
But for transgender and gender non-conforming people like myself, the question of what to wear to work becomes an exhausting question of identity and of survival. For us, the question changes from “how do I present my best self at work?” to “can I present my best self at work?”
Or so I thought.
Now, as a recent graduate confronted with entering the workforce, I find myself having to contend with a much bigger obstacle than frat boys. I have to contend with professionalism.
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Professionalism is a funny term, because it masquerades as neutral despite being loaded with immense oppression. As a concept, professionalism is racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, classist, imperialist and so much more — and yet people act like professionalism is non-political. Bosses across the country constantly tell their employees to ‘act professionally’ without a second thought. Wear a garment that represents your non-Western culture to work? Your boss may tell you it’s unprofessional. Wear your hair in braids or dreadlocks instead of straightened? That’s probably unprofessional too. Wear shoes that are slightly scuffed because you can’t yet afford new ones? People may not think you’re being professional either.
For years, professionalism has been my enemy, because it requires that my gender identity is constantly and unrepentantly erased. In the workplace, the gender binary can be absolute, unfaltering and infallible. If you dare to step out of line, you risk being mistreated by coworkers, losing promotions or even losing your job. And if you are discriminated against for being transgender or genderqueer, you may not even have access to legal recourse, because in many states it is still perfectly legal to discriminate against gender non-conforming employees.
So, the first morning before work, as I put on my pants, blouse, heels and pearls, self-doubt came roaring back. Would I still have the respect of my boss if I showed up in heels? Would I be treated as a professional if I wore earrings? Would I be taken seriously wearing lipstick? Would my colleagues respect me for who I am?
As I walked to work, these doubts kept creeping up over and over in my mind. I thought back to all of the times that people had told me to “tone it down for work.” I thought back to conversations with my father, where he told me to put away the “flamboyant shit” if I wanted to be respected. I thought back to former internship supervisors who told me that I would not be respected around the office if I chose to express my gender identity. I thought back to the countless memories from childhood of being mocked for being a ‘sissy.’
I thought back to all of this, took a deep breath and walked through the front door of my new office, heels click-clacking on the concrete floor.
As transgender, genderqueer and gender non-conforming people, we deserve better. We deserve to have our work ethic and intellect respected regardless of how we choose to express our gender identities. We deserve to be able to wear clothing and behave in ways that affirm our gender. We deserve to be treated fairly in the workplace.
While people may try to discriminate against me and tell me that I’m dressing “inappropriately” for work, I will hold on to my gender identity and sense of self. In the workplace, I will stick up for those who, like me, find that their gender does not match a prefabricated box. I will wear my heels, pearls and skirts to work until, hopefully, the world can learn to respect people like me.
So to all of the discriminatory employers out there, you better watch out, because I am genderqueer, professional and unafraid.
Follow Jacob Tobia on Twitter: www.twitter.com/JacobTobia
Originally posted on HuffPost
Photos courtesy of author
Noah –
Can you imagine if McDonald’s employees were allowed to wear whatever made them feel the most comfortable and productive? Let your imagination run wild – that is just a recipe for disaster. I think in some industries, uniforms are not only preferable, but necessary.
I actually think this issue is much bigger than gender. In my opinion, all employees should be allowed to dress in the manner that makes them feel most comfortable and most productive. They should be encouraged to express themselves, respectfully and honestly. As long as a person is working hard and doing a great job, he or she should be valued and appreciated by the company, regardless of how he or she chooses to dress. It’s simply counter-productive to demand that everyone in the organization must conform to such rigid standards of dress and behavior. That is incredibly limiting, and… Read more »
Right now Scout Willis (daughter of Bruce and Demi) is walking around topless in support of a campaign called FREE THE NIPPLE. In fact, that’s totally legal in NYC. Women are allowed to be topless in public. But just because something is legal, does that make it appropriate for the workplace? That’s the other side of this question. The answer is, it all depends on the workplace. What’s acceptable at some hipster business in Brooklyn is probably not acceptable at the New York Times. Every business has a right to define its own dress code, and the fact that a… Read more »
I actually don’t find that odd in the slightest, I’ve seen men and women wear stranger things in London and they weren’t crossdressing, but just wearing interesting clothing. It would be pretty cool to see more men dress the way they want and how they want without all the peer pressure. It is a free world after all, wouldn’t kill anyone if a guy wore a skirt and heels.
i love yr jacket . In the workplace, the gender binary can be absolute, unfaltering and infallible. If you dare to step out of line, you risk being mistreated by coworkers, losing promotions or even losing your job. also you might not even get the job at all. on male crossdressing forums, most like me are older than thirty. the general consensus is that the need for income, especially in a tight jobs market, trumps male clothing expression at work. While I work for myself and wear everyday womenclothing in public. though do I sympathise with their point of view.… Read more »
Maybe this is just my own prudery, and I have only a poor understanding about current business attire, but I think the dress in the top photo is a little too short to be considered professional, exactly. Too many inches above the knee, in my opinion. By the way, I would say that no matter what the gender, sex, or body type of the person wearing it. Otherwise, it looks totally professional to me.