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There’s just no other way to describe it. Recently, I felt like I was bitch-slapped by the Universe. While that may seem like a crude way to put it, I’m not sure how else to describe the incredibly rude awakening I experienced. It was an undeniable sting, one that left me reeling—just as if the Universe seriously reached out and backhanded me.
If you’re wondering how I could possibly be grateful for such an experience, you’re not alone. I have to admit that I wasn’t initially grateful. I was too busy being frustrated, angry, betrayed, and generally incensed. I even had some grief lurking in there somewhere, and a slight tinge of disappointment around the edges of it. It’s not the most pleasant experience I’ve had recently, but it was one that I desperately needed.
I had begun walking that slippery slope that is love and compassion. That probably doesn’t sound like such a risky path to walk, but I was in danger of forgetting all that I had learned. I had experienced a difficult week, and I was hit with what is, for me, an unusual feeling: loneliness. I was just lonely. It was the kind of lonely that couldn’t be abolished with a phone call or text. I had this longing for something specific, something that was so much more than a physical presence or voice over the phone.
In that space of vulnerability, I was tempted to reach out to someone from my past. My heart kept telling me it would be a comfort, but my mind issued a caution. So I didn’t make the call or send the text or reach out in any way. But for a couple of days, I wanted to. I wanted to so much it hurt. All of my love, compassion, and even forgiveness surged to the surface, and it was so much harder to have an accurate handle on the situation.
That’s when the Universe delivered the rude awakening I clearly needed. It dropped into my life an undeniable reminder of why this was such a bad idea. I was reminded exactly why I could not afford to reach back into my past for the comfort I needed. The Universe might as well have drawn me a picture, so clear was the sign.
It wasn’t an ambiguous sign. It was direct contact from the person that I had been missing. And it was so rude, so entirely ugly and manipulative, that I was reminded of the lies and betrayals that had been a primary part of that relationship. It’s not that the love I feel evaporated on contact, but I was reminded that love is just another four-letter word when the object of that feeling is toxic for us. All of my longing just dissolved, as I listened to another angry diatribe from him.
No one likes to be bitch slapped or knocked sideways by life. We don’t want a rude awakening. We want a Disney-esque fairy godmother to come gently tap us on the shoulder with a magic wand and direct us to our path—or, better yet, magically transform our lives. We’d at least like a clear sign on a billboard beside the interstate that tells us what we’re clearly not getting on our own. But sometimes we need the rude awakening, particularly when we’re the kind of people who usually learn the hard way.
Once I got beyond my anger, I felt relieved. Blessed. Anointed. I felt like the Universe loved me enough to check me before I continued with that line of thinking. It was like it reached out and said a phrase I haven’t heard much since high school but is so apt: Check yourself before you wreck yourself. And I heeded that message. I put that relationship in perspective—and solidly in the past.
I could have just looked at the phone call from this person as another bad thing that happened to me, one that didn’t mean much, except that he still takes zero responsibility for his actions. Our perspective is powerful, and I chose to see it as a timely reminder of who he really is. I’m not saying he’s a bad person, but he’s a toxic person for me. Think of it like an allergy; he’s perfectly fine for other people, but he sets off a negative reaction in me. Knowing this, it’s best that I continue to have limited exposure to him—for everyone’s sake.
I had another example of this in my life recently. I bought honey flavored creamer for my coffee on a whim. It was absolutely disgusting in my coffee, but I didn’t throw it out. Instead, I brewed a cup of tea. It was perfect for my tea, even if I hated it in my coffee. It had a purpose. My wake up call from the Universe was unpleasant, but it had the positive utility of reminding me of my own path. It put things in perspective for me in a way that I desperately needed.
The skeptic could read this and think that it wasn’t a wake-up call from the Universe. It was just this person being who he has always been. And that’s true, too. But I let it serve a higher purpose. It reminded me that I had come so far—too far to slide back down into the dark of wanting someone who would only ever hurt me. It was a reminder of my personal strength and of how strong my change game has always been.
We can sit around complaining about the bad thing that happened to us and feeling put-upon by the Universe, or we can see the reminder as a gift. We can be grateful that we saw the truth, no matter how unpleasant it might be. We can be thankful to be guided back on track. We can even strengthen our own resolve to continue a growth mindset.
Rude awakenings are, by their very description, rude. Unpleasant. Disturbing. But sometimes they’re exactly what we need.
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This post was originally published on medium.com, and is republished here with the author’s permission.
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Photo credit: Jeremy Perkins on Unsplash