“Not dealing with emotions hurts us, our people, and our organizations. Worse, it holds us back from creating remarkable cultures and achieving incredible business results,” warns Carolyn Stern in her new book THE EMOTIONALLY STRONG LEADER: An Inside-Out Journey To Transformational Leadership (Figure 1; September 13, 2022). “If you want to grow and scale your business, you must learn to develop your Emotional Intelligence,” she explains.
Unlike any other book on the topic, THE EMOTIONALLY STRONG LEADER provides managers and their teams with self-coaching tools that allow them to grow their Emotional Intelligence on their own. With Stern’s guidance, readers learn to feel comfortable with emotions. “Your emotions, and those of others, are not the enemy,” Stern explains, “but, in fact, are the basis of your strengths.”
Stern’s simple, six-step process is backed by leading science and grounded in her decades of in-the-field experience. Readers learn to identify the specific emotional skills that most impact their careers, uncover barriers to growth, set goals, and tap into the motivation to change. The framework addresses five distinct areas of EI – self-perception, self-expression, interpersonal, decision-making, and stress management – along with the individual competencies associated with each. The six-step process includes:
Connect With Yourself – Readers begin the process by taking a hard look in the mirror to create an inventory of their existing EI strengths and areas for development. Stern advises them to ask themselves questions that probe all five areas of EI, such as: Am I aware of how I am feeling at any given moment? Do I stand up for myself? Am I able to put myself in other people’s shoes?
Consult With Others – People’s self-perception is not always accurate. Therefore, it’s critical for readers to interview others to learn how they are seen, and then circle back to compare these results with their own perceptions. Stern offers guidance about choosing whom to interview and how to best “hear” what they say. Readers will ask questions like: Does it seem that I care too much about what others think of me? Do I adequately manage my stress? Do you think that I control my impulses?
Clarify Focus – Once readers collect this information about their level of emotional intelligence, they’re more likely to change if they understand the why behind their EI gaps, and what these gaps are costing them. Stern asks them to look at their highest and lowest EI competencies, and then ask themselves: Where does this development opportunity come from? Childhood? Life experience? How does it hold me back in the workplace?
Consider Possibilities and Barriers – This step helps readers figure out how to close the gap between where they are and where they want to be. First, they brainstorm as many options as possible for reaching their EI goal, and then they think about what might get in the way of realizing each option. Stern provides advice for finding ways to dissolve the roadblocks impeding success.
Craft an Action Plan – Next, Stern helps you develop an action plan broken down into bite-size chunks with target dates for completion, and explains how to create a “relapse prevention” strategy for handling hiccups along the way. This includes asking oneself: What triggers do I anticipate experiencing as I attempt to reach my goal? What can I do to avoid these triggers?
Confirm Commitment and Close the Conversation – In this final step, Stern guides readers to establish accountability for their goals. She details how to identify a “Competency Advisor” for support during their EI development process. When readers check in with their Advisor, they will be asked such questions as: What strategies have you tried to achieve your goal? How did it go? What are you learning about yourself? What is one thing you will do differently next time?
THE EMOTIONALLY STRONG LEADER is filled with examples from Stern’s client engagements and includes comprehensive worksheets to guide readers through the EI process. Not only are there detailed strategies for fostering Emotional Intelligence in the workplace, but there are tactics for improving EI in all areas of life – such as integrating more positive habits to improve self-regard; identifying triggers to enhance emotional self-awareness; and resisting automatically asking for advice to raise one’s level of independence.
“Instead of spending time and money on dealing with the inappropriate behaviors and disrespectful communications stemming from emotional issues in the workplace, you can get to the heart of those issues and deal with your feelings, and the feelings of your people, head-on,” Stern attests. THE EMOTIONALLY STRONG LEADER is the ultimate guide for today’s leaders who want to embrace emotions and turn them into unparalleled strengths.
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Carolyn Stern can be found online at https://carolynstern.com/
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