Joanna Schroeder was a little bummed out after watching BuzzFeed’s funny new gender-swapping video about how BFFs behave.
On the surface it seems like this video is just guys making fun of what women do – or in some ways making fun of gay guys (because guys who are affectionate with one another obviously HAVE TO be gay right?!) – but if we dig a little deeper and take the silliness out of it, our discomfort with guys acting like women makes a commentary about the intimacy that women are allowed to have with one another that men are not.
Think of it this way: Guys are conditioned out of touching one another, other than their high-fives or bear hugs, but girls get to drape their legs over one another and hang out taking photos together. Women can say “I’m obsessed with you” and it’s funny and cute, because it’s intimate for women. For guys it would be terrifying and extremely norm-violating.
But isn’t it sort of sad that we put these restrictions upon guys, especially straight guys?
What’s wrong with non-sexual intimacy? What’s wrong with feeling like you’ve got someone there to tell you they’re jealous that you’re tall, or that you look great, or that you’re not annoying.
Sometimes, as a woman, I think it can be a bummer the strictures men live under in our society. The Man Box prevents a type of intimacy that us women are freely allowed to share.
So, guys, what do you think? Is there any element of this video that makes you feel like women are getting the better end of the deal when it comes to same-sex friendships?
I think it’s a yes and no answer, for all the reasons stated above. It’s sad that men feel they have to shy away from talking about feelings and more intimate things with guy friends; especially if they have no woman in their lives, and even if they do. Most guys could use some genuine reassurance that their issues and feelings are normal, and perfectly masculine, and the whole “busting chops” thing, while it can be good fun, gets old. It’s also nice, and in my experience it’s an evolving thing, that guys can feel free to hug each other,… Read more »
I personally can think of no female friendships that are stronger than most so-so male friendships. Females, unfortunately (and yes this is obviously generalizing) are often far too hard on other women for whatever fill in the blank reason (jealous/competition/hormones/whatever.) I just spent 24 hours with a bunch of stranger guys in a van running a relay race where about 23 hours was spent busting each other’s chops. I am 99% sure that if half of the things said in that van which made us all feel like brothers, were said to women by women, there would have been a… Read more »
No its not a shame that we don’t have anyone to tell us we’re not annoying, because that behavior is extremely annoying. These guys were acting like junior high school girls not like a grown up. I get your point that we miss out on intimacy, but that’s as far as I am willing to go to agree. This article was ridiculous. What is the deal with this website and it’s efforts to turn all men into women? The entire premise of this article is offensive, no less so than if you were to say, isn’t it a shame that… Read more »
I am a woman who doesn’t get that closeness form other women. I do not have selfies with other women, I do not touch besides the causal hello and short hug. Hah I am not obsessed with any of my female acquaintances. Gosh maybe I am a man 🙁
I completely feel the same way. The video bummed me out for a completely different reason – it doesn’t at all reflect the friendships I have with women. I wondered to myself, “Is that really what female friendships are like?” I’ll admit that I have a difficult time getting along with most women and now I wonder if it’s because I never act like this, nor do I want to. Part of me is envious, but part of me wants no part in the selfies-obsessed, wardrobe-obsessed, love interest-obsessed female culture depicted here.
I am another woman who is like you Luzy. I think the chicken and the egg questions comes into play. Are women really that touchy feely or do we follow the cues of society. Also I am African American and I find that black women in general are not that touchy feely. We support one another but we don’t need to hug it out or touch each others hair. My first experience being in bed (platonic) with another woman was my best friend Katie who is a Filipina. She was like let’s take a nap before going to the café… Read more »
My wife is the same. She doesn’t need physical pacifying from other people. Your not a man. Your just not a child. For me this sounds a whole lot like ‘if only men where more like women’. That there is something fundamentally wrong with men. I myself do not like touching, unless its my wife. I also don’t need anyone telling me about how they wish they had my height or any other such rubbish. Why do I need to touch my friends? It has nothing to do with homophobia. It has to do with my personal space. Sure when… Read more »
Yep, another woman here who doesn’t do any of the things in that video. It didn’t bum me out and make me think there was something wrong with my friendships though, just something wrong with the way media portrays women. The conversations and actions is this video are boring at best and annoying at worst. Maybe this video is more like teenager bffs? But I don’t think I had friendships like that as a teen either.
I was resistant to the touchy feely stuff at first. But it grows on you. My best friend, named Michael (but always Mikey to me) is the same. I used to take ages to properly hug people – sometimes I would only wait until they were drunk or going away somewhere. Eventually it progressed to ‘several times a day’. I remember the first time I hugged Mikey. He held out his hand for a handshake so I kind of lunged forward and pulled him in. I’ve never seen him look so terrified (poor guy was only 17 to my 21… Read more »
That is the best response I’ve read in quite a while! I’m glad that you found an awesome friend that you can be real with. The huge range of emotions that we all feel and need to express is vital to our survival.
Yes, women by far get the better end of the deal with regards to this. Men lack physical intimacy in adulthood and it does quite a lot of harm in the long run.
A little but that’s what I have female BFF’s for, although it’s a little more distant when they have boyfriends.