By Sean Jameson for YourTango
With the growth of women’s liberation over the past century and the greatly expanded roles women have taken on in society, it might surprise you that many women and girls still feel trapped in traditional gender roles.
While this feeling doesn’t always expand to career or educational spheres of life, where women are given a lot of freedom these days, they frequently crop up where dress or sexual behavior is concerned.
Slut shaming is when members of society, either men or women, shame girls or women for having a sexual identity, for being sexual or expressing sexual feelings, for protecting themselves via birth control methods, having more than one sexual partner (or even just one) and for dressing in a way that society considers to be overly sexual or provocative.
Slut shaming occurs within many different facets of everyday life.
The fact that slut shaming takes so many different forms makes it particularly insidious. If, for instance, a woman is raped or sexually victimized, someone might ask her, “Well, what were you doing? Were you walking alone at night? Were you wearing provocative clothing? Were you acting like you wanted it?”
These questions, to the asker, might seem totally natural, but to the woman they send a singlemessage — this is your fault.
Other methods include making deprecating comments about how a woman is dressing. If she’s wearing a short skirt or a midriff shirt, for instance, a teacher or even another peer might make a comment such as, “You better be careful dressing like that. You might get what you’re asking for.”
This implies that a woman actually wants sexual attention she shouldn’t want, or that even if she doesn’t want it, she would deserve to get it for the way she’s dressed.
Note that these types of comments are very different from a parent expressing concern over the way a child is dressed, or explaining to a young girl how such modes of dress might be perceived, even if that isn’t acceptable. Still, parents too must be careful not to engage in victim-blaming behavior.
Perhaps the most obvious means of slut shaming is simply to call a girl or woman a slut. This critique may stem from her clothing, her behavior with men (or women), her views on birth control or her attitude about sex in general.
When a man or woman calls another woman a slut, it entrenches societal norms about sexuality that no one but the woman herself has the right to define.
The sad, honest consequences of slut shaming.
Slut shaming has many consequences. For one thing, it deepens the culture of blaming women for the things that happen to them. As long as we put blame onto the victims, we remove blame from the actual perpetrators. That is an unacceptable way to think and behave.
Slut shaming also causes social isolation, especially among young girls. There’s still a strong culture of genteelness that pervades our society, and with it come expectations that girls won’t “give it up,” that they won’t sleep around and that they’ll guard their bodies carefully.
Often, parents or social groups even put pressure on girls to wait for marriage, despite what their bodies are telling them to do. Unfortunately, this creates distance from needed support groups, potentially compromising girls and leading them to make ungrounded choices (which is very different from them making knowing sexual choices with the support of their communities).
Lastly, slut shaming covers up the real issue — our society is deeply dysfunctional about sex and needs to be healed.
Women and girls need to feel secure in their own sexuality in order to make good, informed choices. They need access to sexually liberated information and tools, such as sex ed and birth control. And they must feel comfortable talking to their parents, teachers, mentors and peers, or else they’re at risk.
Slut shaming isn’t foreign to the media spotlight.
One of the most commonly discussed cases of slut shaming involves a police officer from Canada. Michael Sanguinetti went to Osgoode Hall Law School to give a talk about personal safety to the students there.
Though only a small number of students showed up, there were enough to land Sanguinetti in the media spotlight for his comments:
“You know, I think we’re beating around the bush here,” he said as reported by the Guardian. “I’ve been told I’m not supposed to say this — however, women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized.”
The comments sparked a firestorm of criticism from women across Canada and the United States, and were the impetus for Toronto’s nationally recognized SlutWalk, which protests the culture of blaming rape victims for what happens to them.
Sanguinetti’s comments were typical of slut shaming tactics, implying that if women don’t want to be mistreated or disrespected, they must stick with normative styles of dress and sexual expression.
How we can help stop the spread of slut shaming, once and for all?
In many ways, open dialog can help stop slut shaming, including active and respectful listening. Start by:
- Never jumping to blame a woman for something that happens to her.
- Accepting other women’s sexual choices and needs as their own.
- Refraining from criticizing a woman’s outfit, aesthetic or body.
- Providing support to women who are raped, victimized, abused or slut shamed by others.
- Being open about birth control and other sexually protective choices.
- Being open about your own sexual urges, thoughts and choices.
- Consciously acknowledge the sexual desire of women in order to help women develop healthy senses of sexuality as well as healthy boundaries.
Slut shaming is detrimental not only to women and girls, but to boys and men as well. Males deserve sexual counterparts who aren’t afraid to express their sexuality, who feel confident in who they are and what they want, and who have been taught to respect sexuality in all its forms. Naturally, women deserve all these things for their own sakes too.
If you’ve noticed slut shaming behavior directed at you, your friends, your female family members or even strangers, it’s time to take a stand and help end the culture of sexual disparity.
You can make a real difference by understanding what slut shaming is and how it’s harmful, while using the strategies above to help stop it in its tracks.
If you want to learn tips and techniques on how to make your sex life more exciting and fun, then I highly recommend that you check out techniques and tutorial videos on my site, the Bad Girl’s Bible.
This article is ridiculous. It seeks for imbalanced behavior in women to go unchallenged. A woman that feels threatened by criticism is evil.
Most women in the past were the very best compared to what is out there these days.
Whores will always being Whores since they will never have any shame at all which they’re nothing but Real Losers to begin with.
Wow, this article has touched a very, very raw nerve with the amount of throwbacks commenting on here. We have amazing technology today yet haven’t kept up with it. Maybe you’d like to go back to the 1950s? Yeah. That would make all your insecurities go away. Why not just mind your own business and stop the slut-shaming?
Every slut, make it female, should be ashamed.
* male or female, not make it female
ehhhh no.
I’m not going to sit there and actively scold a woman for her sexual behavior. She can do what she likes, it’s her life. But there’s no way I’m going to get involved with such a woman, and I think there are a lot of guys who feel the same way. So you have to ask yourself “Which is worse?” Have a woman continue to sleep around and watch as her dating pool shrinks to the point that she’s unlikely to find someone willing to commit to her? All the while condemning a man (her would be counterpart) to a… Read more »
Name the difference between a woman that had consensual sex with more than 3 guys and a prostitute. The only difference is the prostitute is honest.
I would never call a woman a slut. It would just be stating the obvious, like what’s the point. Good luck trying to prove me wrong. Seriously, good luck. No matter what they say, it’s lies 100%. You think you can get a woman to tell u the truth? Why would they. What would they gain out of it. Now you’re understanding the real motivation behind women. The only thing they care about is themselves.
You’re a fool. Slut-shamming is shaming polyamory because polyamory is slutty
Correct
You are ignorant
Nah, I’ll still call sluts sluts, or players, or douche bags. Or whatever. Selfish people don’t impress me. Also, the actual act of being slutty, male or female, and being accepted ( no male friend I’ve had who wasn’t a male slut, has actually been ok with male sluts, we all hate em) hinders sex addicts and people with real repressed issues like depression from getting help, because they think it’s ok. Men and women don’t want virgins ( generally speaking) we just want a model and make who’s miles match the year well. It’s usually a sign of a… Read more »
Yes, if a woman carries condoms and has sex with many boys,that just doesn’t mean she is a slut because she is doing with a mutual consent. If the woman is having an abortion, it doesn’t mean she is a murderer. She is not prepared for a baby and she doesn’t want the baby to suffer either due to lack of finances. Its her body, her choice, she can do whatever she wants with her body. If sex makes her happy, lets not be a killjoy and lets not judge others. The man who marries the bold woman who expresses… Read more »
So a slut is what a real woman is to you I see. Wow, you really are one special person. A real shining light in a dark place we live. What wisdom you speak. Wow, you should run for President. What wonderful things you could bring to Society. So life changing are your words.
Do you see how moronic I sound? Well you sound worse.
Take your brainwashing to a therapist. You really should consider seeking professional help.
That’s the point, though; you don’t have to get involved with someone promiscuous, but no one has the right to publicly slut-shame someone else.
I don’t publicly slut shame people, but it has come to the point that asking a woman about her past or rejecting a woman because of her past is considered “slut shaming”. I would argue that I have every right to ask her and I have every right to reject her depending on your answer or lack thereof.
Actually I do have a right to split shame whoever the frrrruck I want
I guess many of us men will just have to call them very pathetic creatures altogether now.
I can’t tell if this is satire… I’d just like to counter the whole “Sluts are human beings just like us” …. You realize fetuses are humans beings as well yet you advocate abortion. Men are also human beings and just like a woman enjoys sleeping around a man can enjoy a woman who doesn’t sleep around. They’re called preferences and men are free to want what they want as well. And a real man doesn’t need you or any one else to tell him what he should like in order to be considered a man. A real man is… Read more »
If she’s not ready for a baby she’s not ready for sex….. tell the slut to keep her damn legs closed…
Is it the term that’s the problem or the concept? The first time I heard the term line-up it was in reference to something that happened in college. One female student had performed oral sex on the men’s basketball team. She wasn’t conventionally attractive. I don’t think she had an emotional connection to any of the men. I’m not sure she even enjoyed it. I don’t rule out the possibility that it might have been coerced. I suspect that she did it to be popular. Shortly after I heard the rumor, she told me that she was leaving school. I… Read more »
I had a roommate in college who got a reputation for giving giys blowjobs. I think she did it to be popular. Partly she was just naive (her parents were hippies and she grew up in a hippie community in northern California in the 1970’s). Partly she enjoyed doing it. Partly she did it because she got drunk. My roommates and I finally told her that she was getting a “reputation” … strange guys were calling our apartment wanting to drop by! She was kind of shocked and didn’t understand why anyone would think negatively of her. After she got… Read more »
Yeah, that’s a slut. One who seeks to meet their ends through sex.
If you wouldn’t use homophobic slurs, don’t use slurs against women.
If you wouldn’t use anti-semitic slurs, don’t use slurs against women.
If you wouldn’t use racial slurs, don’t use slurs against women either.
It’s common sense.
Slut is unisex and not against women thus not a bigotted term.
It’s just common sense….
Being slutty isn’t a female characteristic. What a dumb string of comments. I have a male friend who wanted me to lie about his past when around his new girl. Is she a slut shamer for not wanting a slutty guy? Fucking ridiculous. This website has gone to the dogs.
Common sense musta missed you cause that’s some retarded ass analogy you got going on there….
Nearly every time I’ve heard the term used, it’s been from a woman.
I’m honestly not sure I’ve ever said the word slut out loud.
There are women who certainly use the word. There are also many women who don’t. Some women use the word in what I believe is a misguided attempt to reclaim the power of it. (For example, Slut Walk.) Unfortunately, girls grow up in the same culture boys do and it’s a culture that says that words like ‘slut’ are totally acceptable to use against women. There are also men who most certainly use the word and men who don’t as well. I don’t for a moment believe that women use those words more then men though. I find that there… Read more »
I call men sluts, when they are being sluts
Consequently, it’s also time we stop calling men ‘creeps’.
@ Kace,
hear, hear!
Women call all guys that even make contact with them if they are not to their standard of attraction.
There is a big difference between looking in the eyes of someone than there is dropping your pants to as many people as you can without regards to any emotional attachment.
So yes ladies, please stop calling guys creeps. It just makes you all appear as stuck up, arrogant, egotistical, shallow, rude, disrespectful and judgmental.
Oh and hypocritical too. Beyond hypocritical.
>>>>If you want to learn tips and techniques on how to make your sex life more exciting and fun, then I highly recommend that you check out techniques and tutorial videos on my site, the Bad Girl’s Bible.<<<<< Is it irony or mere sarcasm that a web article telling people not to shame sluts has a link to a place called, "The Bad Girl's Bible," where the slut can make her sex life even more exciting and fun. Ha!!! Sorry, I have no interest in a woman who has any interest in The Bad Girl's Bible. I'm sure there are… Read more »
Women like sex. I’m sorry that makes you unhappy. Choosing to be willfully degrading about women simply because you don’t want women to be in control of their own sex lives (Such as you shown us here by purposely referring to women as sluts and talking about men who are willing to ‘nail it”) is something you’ll have to come to terms with inside yourself. Because women are always going to like sex and growing in owning their own sex lives even if it makes guys like you unhappy.
Women do indeed love sex, and they love the power that comes from knowing they have vastly more access and can get right back on the proverbial horse if it doesn’t work out. They also love the power it has over men, and they use it. They are the gatekeepers, the choosers. You will tend to find far more male virgins than female, and generally most men who are not getting any are involuntarily celibate,whereas for women, it is often a choice.
I think you should find a way to have a sincere, open and honest conversation with a diverse range of women and actually ask them questions about how they feel about sex and what some of their experiences have been. I think you would that women share a wide range of experiences around sex instead of this umbrella you’ve placed women under. It does appear that in our culture when we talk about sex and women, that socially we truly only care about attractive women’s experiences with sex and not more plain women’s experiences with sex. And I don’t think… Read more »
about the oral sex, did 36% of female got the oral sex or they performed oral sex? did 44% of males got the oral sex or they performed oral sex? im asking this question cause you said 36% females have had anal sex, and 44% males have had anal sex. i can understand about females having anal sex, but males having anal sex? (did you involve sextoys, lesbian/bi/gay too?)
Men are visual. If you are ugly, nobody cares about your sexual adventures sorry to say. Slut your heart out. Happy slutting.
A slut is anyone who enjoys sex promiscuously
Tattoo the word slut, promiscuous, whore, skank, player or whatever you choose to be displayed on a visible body part and if I ever see it I won’t call you a single insulting name. I would just want to know what person I don’t have to waste my time getting to know. Make things easier for us all. You can go be a slut all you want. Just wear your pride high and mighty enough so that those who don’t want to take part in it do not have be tricked into thinking that you are something that you aren’t,… Read more »
James you have a point.
Here is some teachings from the Bad Girl’s Bible:
Learn to talk dirty to turn men on:
” I just want to be your little fuck doll”…..
These women do NOT speak for me.
Is this sexual liberation in 2015?
Here is one more advice for Bad Girl’s Bible:
how to talk dirty to turn men on
” I love it when you fuck me like a slut”.
And the title of this article is” Guys it is high time we stop calling women sluts.”
Hmmmmm
You really think men and women will stop calling women sluts when you yourself use the word slut,and think men really gets turn on when you call yourself a slut?
What are you thinking???????????????????????????????????????????
SIlke, some women are still sane and enjoy life. Others are constantly nitpicking stupid inane shit in society that will never change and never has changed because they are pathetic and have no actual life, goals, or accomplishments.
Who said sluts can think properly?
A slut is just a rebellious godless insecure, emotionless, selfish, pathetic, hopeless loser who is too lazy to take part in Society as a contributing caring helpful manner. It’s just using their private parts like a drug to self medicate because they realized that they are useless trash good for only what’s between their legs.