His wife says she cheated because he wasn’t satisfying her in bed. Allana Pratt, Intimacy Expert has some tough yet powerful questions…
Question: I found out that my wife was cheating on me. I’m not sure for how long or who she was with…maybe I was told, but I just felt everything in my life shatter. She’s said she is sorry and wants to work things out. She said that she cheated because I wasn’t satisfying her in bed. So, I am at a loss. I don’t satisfy her and she’s cheated. How much more less of a man can I feel? Should I try to work things out? I just don’t know what to do. I feel stuck in time.
Answer: How devastating and I’m sorry. Feeling stuck in time is an awful powerless feeling. Not knowing what to do is not only frustrating but can be scary. And not satisfying her… that cuts to the bone.
You said something interesting… “maybe I was told”. That’s pretty telling love. Have you been avoiding this issue and while I don’t condone her behavior whatsoever, is it possible she chose to do it, to get your attention? She sounds remorseful if she is sorry and wants to work things out… perhaps she’s not capable of asking for what she wants, perhaps she’s not a great communicator, perhaps she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, perhaps she doesn’t even know what she needs… but it’s more than what was happening in the bedroom 😉
I would begin by getting really clear that you both are 100% committed to doing whatever it takes to work it out. Two feet in. Then create a structure for success with a coach like me, with date nights, with growth in your sexual capacities and connection, and a stand for honest honoring communication.
When couples try to get back together with one partner having to ‘prove’ they are committed or willing to make amends, without the other taking responsibility for where they came up short, the power is off balance and in my 17 yrs of experience coaching, true healing and communion never occurs.
In the video I talk about a great DVD I recommend found at www.AllanaPratt.com/steamy-sex which shows you beautiful classy and hot ways to improve your sexual connection and intimacy. This will show you are committed to growth and can begin immediately with date nights to restore connection.
However without private and individual work- she learning to ask for what she wants and make up for the damage done… and you learning to forgive her and yourself… then we can’t even begin to do the couples work with communication and vulnerable courageous intimate sexual connection. Make sense?
I’ve seen couples WAY stronger and happier because of an affair. And I’ve seen couples consciously uncouple. I can’t guarantee which way it will go, yet I can guarantee should you two be a fit to work with me, that each of you will be your BEST self, living your authentic truth, evolved in your sexuality, communication skills and capacity to do what it takes to nurture, nourish and expand as individuals and as a couple… be it with each other or with new partners.
Bottom line… deciding whether to work on it or go… this is HUGE decision not to be made lightly and certainly not to be made when upset emotionally when you’re not connected to your deepest truth, and certainly not without your wife’s deepest truth. ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE… and as one of my clients from DC says… one of her favorite lines from me is, “There are SO MANY f’ing great possibilities in the unknown!”
So let’s dive in and discover what they are 😉 Email my [email protected] set up a strategy session for you and your wife. In the meantime download my complementary www.GetHerToSayYes.com report and video series to support you in navigating your emotions to restore your grounded centeredness and take your power back.
Kings get wise counsel. So do Queens. You two can work through this. It would be my honor and privilege to sit in the fire with you both.
With non judgment and unconditional fierce love, Allana xox