What makes a woman attractive to Damien Bohler is about a lot more than beauty.
I love the way they seem to always smell good; how they can change topics five times a minute while talking with their girlfriends and yet it makes sense to them.
I love the way women touch and kiss me and the way they surrender when orgasming.
This is a response to Melanie Curtin’s article celebrating the masculine 10 Things I Find Sexy About Men (That Aren’t All About Sex); thank you, Melanie, for seeing the masculine and admiring our strengths and gifts as men—for seeing our inherent sexiness and for being turned on by us.
Reading your article, I felt excited to be a man, as all the things you have listed feel good for me also. I feel seen, loved and proud to be masculine and to enjoy the amazing feminine that you and all the other women out there embody.
After reading your article, I was inspired to write an equal celebration of the feminine and express my appreciation of woman’s inherent sexiness and the turn-on I feel by that.
I love the shape of their bodies, how it curves as a complement to mine and is soft even when it’s firm.
I love that we are different and the way we arrange and think about life is different, although may seem similar from the outside.
I love the way we balance each other out and when we come together as man and woman, something unique arises for both of us.
A woman who isn’t afraid to express her boundaries clearly and playfully is hot.
I didn’t even know this word until about six months ago when I met a woman who embodied sassiness to me, and damn, was it sexy. She took no shit from nobody; her attitude was fun and snappy and I found myself enjoying it immensely, even when I was on the receiving end of it.
I see sassiness as a woman’s ability to hold to her own intentions in a way that is clear, direct and playful. It is when she can snap out saucy one-liners that state what her boundaries are in a way that leaves room for playful banter and further exploring those boundaries. She is telling me what is and isn’t okay and she is giving me the space to play with that, to lean into it and see what is a solid boundary and what is negotiable.
Knowing her boundaries, I get to know her more; it is an opportunity for opening and connecting, when I am solid enough to not turn into a big suck if she blows me off.
9. Freely Expresses her Moods
This one used to bother and confound me (a lot) until I got into a better relationship with the emotionality of the feminine and began to see how awesome the full spectrum of it is.
I love how in tune women are with their emotions and how expressive and honest they are. How, when she is in a loving mood she will randomly show me affection, cuddling me from behind or kiss me out of nowhere and when the storm is swirling inside of her, how powerful her wrath can be. And, when I settle into myself and enjoy the show, all of it is fun and damn, a woman can be incredibly sexy in her wrath.
And, most of all I love that when I am fully with her, whatever mood she’s in, it’s always an opportunity for opening and deeper connection.
8. Takes Care of Herself
One of my favorite things is to lie in bed and watch a woman prepare herself for the day. Watching her apply various lotions, moisturizers and makeup that I have absolutely no idea about; seeing her get dressed—and a woman never wears the first thing she puts on—there is always at least one change if not more. To go into the bathroom and see a rack of various shampoos, soaps and creams.
That a woman carries around a handbag, a clutch, a satchel, or a whatever. (I didn’t even know what a clutch was until a woman friend told me about it earlier this week!) That she has a huge collection of shoes and clothes, and that she has her favorites which are on rotation—and that she has the ability to dress for any event.
I love how a woman will even be thinking about what she is going to wear days before any event.
I know how much effort you women put into yourself and we appreciate it and enjoy it. We may not know exactly what you’re doing, we notice, (even when we act like we don’t).
A woman’s appearance is art in motion; it is a creative process that I have little idea of. Manicures, pedicures, shaving, waxing, you name it! And then, she finishes dressing and tells me to hurry up. I put on my pants and shirt in two minutes and am waiting by the door while she is still applying the finishing touches.
7. Takes Care of Sh*t!
This is also a cliché, yet I find it so true. I know how to wash my own clothes and fold them (sort of); I can keep a house clean and pay bills. I have even mended my own stuff with a needle and thread on the odd occasion and yet, I do none of it well. My clothes are never as clean or smell as good as when a woman washes them; I have no idea how to remove a stain and I tend to throw stuff onto shelves or into drawers as they never fold quite right. I also hate paying bills and having to follow the in and out flow of money (luckily I currently have zero bills in my life).
Women are just better at this stuff and when I have a woman who takes care of this, it makes my life less stressful. Let’s swap. I’ll take care of all the “manly” stuff; fixing and moving heavy stuff around and you can take care of the womanly stuff and make things look and smell good!
6. Appreciates my Help
Truly helping a woman out makes me feel awesome. When I can give her a piggyback ride across a puddle or move something heavy for her and when she is genuinely grateful for my help.
Some women refuse help when offered and that makes me sad, hey, most of us don’t want anything in return. So, when a woman asks, or graciously accepts help, it’s sexy because we both get to feel good.
I love it when a woman smiles; I mean really smiles, in a way that her heart and soul shine. It doesn’t matter what it’s directed at, it could be a baby, a puppy, a cute animal, her boyfriend, husband or even better, at me!
Any which way, every time a woman smiles that beautiful smile a fairy is born and the world becomes a slightly more beautiful place.
4. The Way She Moves
It doesn’t matter how a woman dances, just that she feels the music and lets it move her.
There was one young woman, a friend and I, met a while ago while traveling to an island in Thailand. She danced in a way that I had never seen before; bobbing up and down and her tongue would poke out of her mouth occasionally in this incredibly cute way.
It wasn’t particularly sexy, in the way we generally think about sexy dancing, yet both my friend and I were so captivated by the way she moved and enjoyed the music that we danced with her for several hours straight. It was a turn-on as she was dancing in a way that was her expression and that is what is sexy.
Of course it is also hot when a woman does dance sexy, and dances with her friends, and yes, dances with me!
3. Communicates Honestly and Openly
As adults, we can communicate as such. I find it incredibly attractive when a woman can communicate clearly. I am a pretty sensitive guy in terms of being able to feel and interpret people’s emotions, but I’m still a guy and my powers in that field pale in comparison to a woman’s awareness of subtle nuances of feelings and emotions.
Sometimes, I just don’t know what you are feeling and why and when you can tell me clearly whatever it is that is going on for you in the moment; it makes it so much more rewarding and easy to be with you. I appreciate you for exploring what is actually going on with me, so that we can find a way to mutually avoid conflict.
Bravely following the thread whether it leads us to hurt, pain or otherwise, we’re opening ourselves up.
2. Trusts Me
In the past, women in my life never seemed to have trouble deciding where to go or what to eat. The fact that they looked at me to make the decisions put stress and pressure on me. I used to scream in my head, “Why can’t she just choose?”
Now, I see that as a total cop-out, as the man, I am privileged when she asks me to take the lead. I now thoroughly enjoy having some kind of plan or idea of where we are going and what we’re doing; I like to design a date in line with what a particular woman inspires in me to explore, or to spontaneously see what happens as we come together in our own unique way. I like to make it mysterious and fun, an adventure that we get to act out together and however it may unfold, it is so sexy when a woman can trust me and go along with me.
Whatever happens, I will take care of her and for the duration of our time together my biggest responsibility is for her to feel safe and enjoy the hell out of herself!
And together, we join in a dance that never quite fits what I had envisioned and is almost always way better than I expected as she brings along her own flavor and radiance to the experience. This trust can go deeper than just a date. When she sees my honesty and authenticity and trusts me, that’s just hot. Then, I can relax and open up also.
1. Shares her feelings
This is something new to me. More lately, the women in my life express to me how they feel in their body in the moment when I do or say something. And, it is incredibly sexy.
In that moment of them expressing themselves I feel very close to them, there is a circuit that is completed between us and we are dropping into the present moment.
A somewhat tame example of this (and I have other examples that are way hotter) was when I was sitting holding hands under the table with a cute girl that I like. She said, quietly to me only, that when she’s with me she has butterflies in her stomach. Wow! To share something like that with me, about me, feels incredible. She was being vulnerable, letting me know that I actually have an impact on her, and that’s very, very sexy!
In these moments I feel most like a man, knowing that this woman with me truly feels something by my very presence, that me being myself has moved her.
Any time a woman shows her vulnerabilities; anger, hurt, fear or sadness, it allows us to be closer to one another and go deeper. I think this ability is one of the cornerstones of having an authentic relationship. And that is what I think everyone is truly looking for, whether they are aware of it or not.
Originally appeared at Elephant Journal
Damien Bohler is a nomadic wanderer who has a background in the environmental sciences and permaculture. He has worked as a teacher in Thailand and most recently as a volunteer coordinator for college students on short international trips. His passion has become the exploration of authentic communication and connection with others and feels most drawn to helping young men step up to match the increasingly awakening and ripe women in the world today. He likes to climb trees, hang out in nature and explore his relationship to whatever this thing is that we call life. Follow his blog.
Lead photo: Flickr/francisco_osorio