Even if you’ve been together forever, your marriage proposal can still be surprising,intimate, and special.
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It’s the question all long-term couples hate: “So, when are you two getting married?”
People ask it innocently, completely oblivious that it makes the task of proposing all the more difficult. Every time someone mentions marriage, you worry that your partner is wondering the same thing: when’s he going to get round to asking me?
Most long-term couples haven’t gotten engaged for a very good reason. Whether its money, timing, or other personal stuff, there are good reasons for not getting married. The general public – especially inquisitive grannies, it seems – can’t comprehend this.
So what do you do when you actually are ready to pop the question?
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What surprise?
I had been with my partner for seven and a half years before I proposed. If you’re anything like us, you’ve already discussed the whole marriage thing in detail on many occasions. In fact, you’re basically engaged in every aspect apart from the shiny ring on her finger.
This presents you with a problem.
She knows you’re going to propose at some point. People are always asking when you’re getting engaged, so it’s not like she has time to forget about rings and weddings. It gets to the point where you can’t even go out for McFlurries without someone in the family exclaiming, “Maybe he’s going to propose!”
It’s inevitable. Inevitable isn’t a very romantic word. Like colonoscopy. How do you put the surprise into something even someone in a blindfold could see coming?
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Avoid the obvious
Trips to Paris may seem like the ultimate romantic gesture, but the chances of you managing to get your partner to Paris and propose and it still be a surprise are smaller than a cow’s understanding of String Theory.
This may seem like a bad thing, but it isn’t. Proposing to someone in Paris is special, but it’s not exactly personal. Everyone goes to Paris. It’s a cliché. It’s probably the most obvious thing to do, so unless the two of you have a really strong, unique connection to Paris (such as: you were both born, raised, and still live there), there are better things you can do to make a more personal proposal.
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Make it intimate
Proposing is a moment between just the two of you. Unless you know verbatim that she’d love a flash mob, intimacy is definitely key. Having known someone for several years means you understand them and their desires. You know what they really want, and the best ways to make them happy.
Think about Christmas presents – at the start of your relationship it had to be jewellery and other expensive things to show you cared. But as your relationship continues you get to know them better. A couple of Christmases ago I bought my girlfriend a Lego house (complete with customised medieval tower for me, and Rewan & Erika action figures), because it represented the dream house we’d always joked about. It wasn’t expensive, but it was infinitely more special than a costly watch, flowers, or piece of jewellery.
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Shopping for rings in secret
As long term partners, you probably live together. Which makes it difficult to save for, buy, and hide a ring. On the other hand, you do have easy access to her jewellery, making it a lot simpler to find out her size.
Pretty much all internet browsers having a private function now, which forgets your history, making it easier to shop for rings in secret. This is particularly important because internet advertising uses your history to choose adverts to display. Your significant other might get a little suspicious to see your homepage full of adverts for diamond rings.
If you really have trouble getting away from her, arrange to go out with one of your friends she can’t stand, tell her you’re off to do something Satanic, or wait until she jumps in the shower and then make a run for it.
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It’s only you that counts
A proposal is about the two of you . A lot of the pressure on us when thinking about popping the question comes from outside. We worry about what other people will think.
Is the diamond big enough? Will people hate the ring? Will they laugh when she tells them you proposed to her in the middle of Walmart?
If she’s happy, that’s all that matters. In fact, if other people don’t see the magic in your proposal, that probably means you’ve done your job right and made it incredibly personal and intimate for your partner. Go to a place that holds special significance to you. Whether that’s your favourite romantic restaurant or platform four at the local train station.
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Popping the question
The minute you start giving a speech, she’ll know something is up. Especially if you’re a typical man, who says about four words a day, three of which only count as language if your partner is used to studying the communication of gibbons as a living. So don’t strive for Shakespeare. Keep it simple, keep it short. You’ll probably forget most of it, and there’s every chance your partner will be too much in shock to remember the actual wording anyway.
There are some classic tricks you can still employ to get the ring to her. If you are at a restaurant, you could have the ring put on her dessert – provided your partner doesn’t eat like an otter, swallowing things whole. That could prove tricky later on.
As with going to Paris, there’s a lot of pomp and ceremony that you can do, but nothing really beats simply opening the box, getting down on one knee, and asking her to be your wife.
Are you just loving on love? We are, too. On The GMP Relationships Page.
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Photo:Seth Lemmons/Flickr
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In the TV series To Serve Them All My Days, David Powlett-Jones ran after Elizabeth Marwood, jump aboard the train she was on and popped the question to her. He had no engagement ring; however, it was still a very romantic scene.
Sounds good to me. And the point about not needing a ring is a good one – a lot of the pressure when it comes to proposing is the feeling we have to do what other people think are the proper things to do. Just be careful chasing those trains!
Rewan