Question: My husband is a good man but he is absorbed in his own world sometimes and it bothers me. I came home the other day and there were still dishes in the sink. He had been home for FIVE HOURS but never felt the need to do anything around the house. He will step over things on the ground, see me lugging things around the house but doesn’t offer to help. Is he truly this inconsiderate or are most men just oblivious when it comes to helping out?
Answer: I can totally get how incredibly frustrating that can be… What did you make it mean? That everything you do doesn’t matter? And he doesn’t appreciate you? That he’s always going to dump things on you, and never be the contribution you desire? Do you desire to be more supported so you can feel more delicious and happy? Did you feel used or taken advantage of instead of coming home to your hero?
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Before we jump to the conclusion that men are just oblivious when it comes to “helping out”, a.k.a. doing the chores/housework that the woman deems neccessary or acute, I would like to know what he was doing instead during those 5 hours.
Was he really just inconsiderate, or did he do something else that the the wife just didn’t register, or deem as important?
Men respond well to direct requests. They don’t respond the way women do by simply seeing something UNLESS it is directly in line with their purpose in the moment. As Allana says, make your request in a loving way and let him know that “this” really is a way that he can take care of you. They don’t think of “chores” as taking care of us, so it doesn’t occur to them naturally, but usually that’s what he wants to do the most. Take care of his woman and make her happy.
Yes of course it is all about the woman and making her happy. Women want to split their traditional duties but have no interest in doing the same for men. What guy wants to come home to a nagging shrew? We are fed up and are not going to marry entitled American princesses any more. So guys save yourself from this. Don’t marry these women!!
To be honest, it always seemed to me like most women do more for men than vice versa. If a man ensures a woman enjoys sex, or goes down on her as often as she goes down on him, or does as many chores as her, or gives her massages, or takes care of her when she’s sick, he is seen as an amazing special snowflake! But women are expected to do these things. It makes me want to stay single if it’s not going to be a partnership, with both of us doing things for each other. But, that’s… Read more »
When I was young and naïve, I set out to date with the intention to be that “amazing special snowflake” in most of the aspects I could muster. After all, isn’t that the kind of partner must of us would like to have and to be in a relationship?
However as it turned out, it seems that complacency is a more governing force of the universe. Most people will succumb to the feeling of not putting in the effort to get something in return if they don’t have to.