When we compare ourselves to others, we create emotional pain. For creative and performing artists, the folks with whom I’ve been working for the past thirty-five years, nothing eats at them more than does envy. Someone they went to school with gets a big award and they can hardly function for the next six months. This is a so-very-human weakness, to be deeply affected and even disabled by envy.
Say that you’re a visual artist. You’re likely to occasionally find yourself in one of the following situations:
+ You enter a juried competition, one of your paintings is accepted for the competition, and, although you discover that you haven’t won a coveted ribbon, you nevertheless attend the gala opening of the exhibition.
+ You attend a large trade show where artist materials of every conceivable sort are displayed and where well-known artists give technique and materials demonstrations, some of which you attend.
+ You spend a week at the annual or biennial convention of your medium (for example, the biennial International Association of Pastel Societies convention), where you take workshops and get to see the juried and award-winning work of well-known artists.
What are some of the psychological repercussions of attending events of this sort? Typically, there are both powerful positive emotions and powerful negative emotions generated by such attendance. Not so long ago I spent four days in Albuquerque at the pastel societies convention, where I was giving the keynote address. I talked with many artists—and here’s what I heard.
These artists were inspired to be among other pastel artists who had come from all over the world—China, Europe, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, etc.—and who constituted their tribe. Often isolated in their individual studios, they loved the camaraderie, the shared love of the medium of pastel, the excitement of learning about new products, and the sheer fun of the lively events organized throughout the convention.
At the same time, they couldn’t keep themselves from doing a lot of comparing. The juried exhibition that was a featured part of the convention contained one beautiful work after another. It was hard for the less experienced artists and even for many of the pros not to hear themselves saying, “Wow, that’s better than what I do.” Many artists told me that they were leaving the convention with very mixed emotions: they felt inspired, on the one hand, and quite demoralized, on the other.
It would be lovely if we never fell victim to envy and never compared ourselves to others. But that is probably beyond us. Let’s do the next best thing and create a comparison-free zone in your mindroom. It might even be a whole second room with its own furnishings and fixtures. In this room, no comparisons are permitted. When you sit on the sofa in this room, you never hear yourself saying “Bob is doing so well” or “Mary has such great technique.” You only hear yourself saying things like, “What does my work need from me today?” and “I can’t wait to get to my work!”
Among my clients who have the hardest time of it are those who keep track of the successes of their peers. They know who’s won which prize, whose new book has just been published to rave reviews, whose music video has crossed ten million views, whose solo show sold out. Often, they will claim to be simply keeping up with industry news, as if news of that sort had no negative psychological repercussions. It is almost as if they were testing themselves: let me see if I can tolerate hearing about the success of others without falling apart. They are about as successful at that as is an alcoholic who tests himself by spending every night in a bar.
One client, a singer/songwriter, fixated on the touring schedule of a relatively well-known independent recording artist who regularly traveled worldwide. My client knew this artist’s schedule virtually by heart—a London venue, followed by a Brighton venue, followed by a Manchester venue, followed by stops in Wales and Scotland, then off to Paris—and, while paying all this attention, paid no attention to landing gigs of her own. Was it easier and safer to be envious of her putative rival than to put herself out into the world? Indeed, almost nothing is harder than letting go of fixations of this sort.
Keep comparisons to a minimum. To that end, create a dedicated space your mindroom where no comparisons are permitted and visit it the instant you feel a comparison approaching. It would be a shame if you had to stop attending industry events or missed out on visiting with your tribe just because the negative emotions that such events generated became too hard to handle. Likewise, it would be a shame if you used such comparing to sabotage yourself and keep yourself from succeeding. Instead, when you find yourself succumbing to comparisons or indulging in comparisons, hurry to that comparison-free zone in your mindroom and declare an immediate end to comparing.
Visualize a comparison-free zone where no comparisons are permitted. To learn more about how to use this Redesign Your Mind technique, please get your hands on my latest book Redesign Your Mind, in which this technique is explained.
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“Maisel’s thorough explanation of his technique will help readers who are looking to push through their mental roadblocks and improve their emotional well-being.”―Publisher’s Weekly. Redesign Your Mind, available for purchase now.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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