Written by Esther Mellar.
You are ambitious. You dream big. You know what I am talking about. It’s your dream to launch a business and live life on your terms. You have set the bar high. Maybe too high, according to some… They are telling you that it is dangerous, that it is not worth your effort, that you might fail …
And those words hurt. Especially because it is said by the most important person on earth: Your partner. It feels like they don’t believe in you. They don’t share your dream. You ask yourself, why is it that some receive all the support they need? Yet, you are left alone, or even worse; you have to fight the headwind.
Do you want to find it out, and learn how you can turn your sceptic partner into a fierce supporter? Then keep reading …
Step 1. Stop chasing your partner for support.
What if I told you that your partner is not the problem? It is your expectation that your partner is supposed to support you, that is the root of the problem. Yes, you read it correctly. The problem is not your partner, but the expectation you have.
You think they owe you that. And when you don’t feel supported, you get angry, frustrated. You create a whole story in your head. You play the victim. And you feel sorry for yourself. You envy others who you think get the support you are supposed to get as well.
Subconsciously, you reject your partner. You find yourself pulling back and not supporting him or her. You are doing the same thing you are accusing them of. Do you feel that separation in your heart? It hurts …
Step 2. Find your power.
So here is the good news: If the thought, “They should support you.” is the real problem, then the key to the solution is in your hand.
When I help my clients to challenge their limiting beliefs, I always introduce them to The Work by Byron Katie. There is a particular strategy called the “turnarounds” that comes in handy.
“The turnarounds are your prescription for health, peace, and happiness. Can you give yourself the medicine that you have been prescribing for others?” — Byron Katie, Loving What Is.
The idea of a turnaround is that you reverse the thought and try it on for size. Could the opposite of your thought be true? Here’s what I mean.
Take the thought, “My partner should support me.” There are two relevant turnarounds for this thought. In them lies your power!
“I should support my partner,” and “I should support myself.”
Step 3. Work with the one you have real influence over: YOU.
Here’s how you can tap into your power, and it will help you to transform radically the situation you experience.
– Speak from your heart. Why do you want your dream? Why do you want to build a business? Share your dream with your partner. How will it look and feel like for you when you arrive there? And what will be the place of your partner in that dream? How do you see your future together?
– Ask your partner what are they afraid of. Listen. Do not try to convince them. Just listen. Take the words in. You might be surprised by the answers. It might be that your partner just wants to protect you from disappointment. It might be that they fear your project will take too much time, and your relationship might suffer.
– Ask your partner, “What can I do to show you I care?” Should we go to dinner once a week? Should we have some uninterrupted time together? Commit to it. Put it on your calendar and show up.
– Be a good example, be the supportive partner you want to see in another person to be. You will see; it won’t take long for your efforts will be reciprocated.
– See this challenge as an opportunity to deepen your relationship and get to know each other better by sharing your hopes fears and dreams.
– Give yourself the support you were expecting from your partner. Is the perceived negativity of your partner feeding your insecurities? Are you afraid that they might be right, that you aim too high? Then get rid of those insecurities. Give yourself a pep talk, measure your progress and reward yourself whenever you reach a milestone. Do whatever works for you to motivate yourself.
Step 4. Show some results.
This is the last thing you want to hear. But let’s be honest, this is what you want. You want that your effort to build a lifestyle business yields results. And nothing will convince your partner more than showing that you make measurable progress. In this blog, you find actionable advice how you can build your lifestyle business step by step. Take action, measure the results and celebrate it with your partner.
Are you ready to leave the victimhood behind and feel motivated and supported?
Implementing and living these two statements “I should support my partner,” and “I should support myself.” will give you everything you were looking for. It will even turn your partner into your greatest champion.
I have shown you how you can do it in practice. Now it is up to you to commit to it. The decision is yours. I only hope that you choose to transform your relationship and ultimately feel motivated and supported.
Photo: Flickr/ Aitor Pérez