Jordan Gray met the woman of his dreams using Facebook (and total honesty). Find out how.
On August 13th, 2014, a woman’s profile popped up on my Facebook account’s sidebar (in the ‘People You May Know’ section) that would change my life forever.
There is no accurate way to put this into words… but I have never felt more deeply compelled by someone in my entire life.
Every cell in my body was a flashing red arrow pointing in the direction of that little digital icon. My gut screamed at me, “Click it! That one! This is non-negotiable.”
So I clicked it.
I was absolutely floored by this woman. She was 100% my type (and then some), she was passionate, driven, intelligent, kind, and everything else I could ever dream up in an ideal partner.
After cyber-stalking every line of text between her Facebook page, tumblr, and twitter account, I knew three things as absolute fact…
1. This was the most amazing woman I had ever come across – online or offline. She was as soulful, loving, intentional, and independent as she was beautiful.
2. This was a real person. Not just a fake profile of a cute girl set up in order to drive traffic to something spammy.
3. I could easily fall in love with her, given the chance.
I sent her a friend request, she accepted, and then I sat with my feelings for a week. At the end of the week, I knew that I had to let her know how I felt in the most honest way possible. I had no other experience in my entire life of feeling that compelled towards talking to someone… it was a once in a lifetime bundle of feelings.
So, on August 20th, 2014, a week after I had added her, I sent her the following message via Facebook…
Here’s something random…
I don’t know you, nor do you know me.
I saw you pop up in my “People you may know” sidebar a few weeks back and I was absolutely stunned. To be honest, I thought yours was a fake profile because you were so gorgeous. I lost about ten minutes of work time because my brain had to reboot after seeing your profile picture.
But that’s besides the point of this message…
I’ve since stalked you (in a readily-available Facebook kind of way… not a telescope kind of way) and found out that you’re super driven, hard working, and passionate about many things. Congrats on the graduation and top honours.
The real reason I wanted to send this is that you, in a roundabout way, have given me faith that there are quality women who are beautiful, driven, and humble… all at the same time.
I don’t expect anything in return from you from this message. I just wanted you to know that I see what you’re putting out into the world, and I applaud it. I’m very impressed by you.
Have a great weekend.
That was it.
I told her what was true (I added her, looked into her, and was impressed by her), what I noticed (she’s driven, humble, and beautiful), and what I expected to come from me messaging her (she would know that she affected my life in a positive way).
In short, I gratitude-bombed her with no expectations of a relationship.
And this wasn’t some sneaky, manipulative trick that would then have her doing backflips for my attention in order to get more praise. In fact, she didn’t write me back for nearly an entire month. Which was completely fine on my end because I truly wasn’t expecting any result from the message. I simply wanted her to know that I was deeply impressed by her and that I was just glad that she existed in the world.
When she wrote back three weeks later, she thanked me for writing to her. She then told me that my message had left her speechless. And she told me she thought I was courageous for being so honest with someone I’d never met.
At this point in time I was living across the country from her (a five hour flight away from each other) and, knowing that I wouldn’t be back in her city for another month at the earliest, I asked her for her phone number.
September 20th, 2014
The next time I’m in Vancouver, I’ll do whatever it takes to take you out on a date. I haven’t been as compelled towards someone as I am to you in quite a while.
On second thought, five weeks simply seems like too long to wait.
For how relatively little I know about you, the thought of you lights me up inside. I think that that is something worth exploring sooner than later.
I’d love to call you some night soon and have a chat. If you are up for that send me over your number and I will give you a shout when it works for you.
She gave me her phone number. I called when I said I would. We talked for two hours, effortlessly. We talked about everything. I loved her voice. She laughed a lot. I loved that too.
Within two months, I was back in her city and we were officially a couple.
“Will you be my girlfriend?”
“You didn’t hesitate at all!”
“You’re right. I didn’t need to.”
Ultimately, I met the woman of my dreams using Facebook (the last place I ever expected to find her).
So what did I learn from this experience?
Being direct works.
If you’re an honest, loving person who simply wants to spread more love into the world, your potential significant other will pick up on that vibe. And you don’t have to worry about playing games or being tastefully ambiguous. If you want to be direct and that’s congruent with who you are, then be direct.
You need to put in real effort.
If you’re going to message someone in order to ask them out… 1) make sure you actually care about who you’re messaging, and 2) put in the time and effort to come up with something more personalized than “heyyy, you’re cute. whatsup?”
Embrace the vulnerability of showing interest.
Telling someone you care feels vulnerable. Putting your neck on the line and saying, in any number of words, “Yes, I like you” is a scary concept. But, at least in my eyes, living a life full of “What if’s” is even scarier.
If you want to message them, do it. If you want their phone number, ask. If you want them to be your significant other, make it known.
The world belongs to the brave.
So be direct, spread love everywhere, and have the courage to ask for what you want.
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