Every urge in my body wanted to give in. Here’s how I resisted.
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*There is an audio version below*
I can remember the first time I saw her looking at me, I felt a cold chill run down my spine. We were sitting in history class and learning about, well, I wasn’t paying attention. I scanned around the room and caught her looking at me, our eyes met for a second, and she looked away.
We dated for two years and over that time she became my first love.
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This wasn’t the first time our eyes met, and word around school was that she liked me. I was brave in high school, so one day I just came right out and asked, “Do you like me?” She shocked me when she said it was a lot stronger than “like”.
I was excited and scared. I had never been in that kind of situation. I was also scared because we were in a strict Christian school and not allowed to date. If anyone found out, we would be expelled, and my parents would have killed me. That day we talked; we decided to date in secret despite all the risks.
♦◊♦
We dated for two years and over that time she became my first love. What started as a crush became something I couldn’t explain with words. I thought about her all the time; I missed her so bad when we weren’t in school. I was head-over-heels in love.
Our friends would help us by passing notes, and when our parents weren’t home, we would sneak a phone call in, those nights were like Christmas morning.
I wasn’t James Bond back then, so after two years of being careful, we were discovered. Sure enough, I was kicked out of school, and we were forced to break up.
A year went by with no contact, and I was eventually kicked out of my house for not following the rules. At 17, I was living on the street and friends couches. I was still madly in love with her.
She went off to college and came back years later with a husband. When I heard the news, something inside me died. After all the dust had settled, I fell in love with the woman I’m married to today. My true love.
I did run into my first love in a grocery store a few years later. She walked right up to me after we hadn’t talked for years, and told me she had never gotten over me and was still in love.
In the past, I probably would have done something I regretted but I was over her at that point. I was able to get over my first love and not cheat on my wife by realizing this: Love is not a feeling. It’s a decision.
It took years, but I learned that feelings come and go. Love is a decision you make daily, sometimes multiple times a day.
When I decided not to cheat with my first love, I was making the decision to love my wife. When I went home and was honest with my wife, I was making a decision to love. When I decided I would rather die than betray her trust, I was making a decision to love.
I don’t know what would happen if we were alone and started reminiscing.
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My first love decided that she was still in love with me instead of choosing to love her husband. Until she reverses that decision, she will always be in a place that could permanently damage her marriage. It’s hard when those feelings are so strong for that person. It’s hard when you look at them and remember all the good times you’ve spent together. I get that.
However, you have to realize that you have the power to decide to turn those feelings off and move on. You have the power to decide to love someone else. It’s going to take time to make this decision, but even though everything inside you is screaming in pain, you can move on. This pain can be temporary.
♦◊♦
Every day I wake up and look at the beautiful woman that I made a commitment to and decide to love her every second of that day. I do think about my first love from time to time wondering how she is. I don’t have love for her, but I laugh when think about the good times we had together.
We’re not Facebook friends, and we don’t talk. I don’t know what would happen if we were alone and started reminiscing. I’ll never find out because I’ve decided that I love my wife too much to put myself in that situation.
If you are struggling with love lost, don’t fret. Decide to move on and choose to love again. Remember, love in not a feeling. It’s a decision that you hold the power to make. Choose love by not cheating.
Audio version:
Have you ever had a hard time getting over a first love?
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This post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock
Thank you Kimanzi this was a great post. So many people have a twisted definition on Love. It’s good to be reminded that Love is a decision. People sometimes forget that work is required. I love my wife & two year old daughter but that does not mean it is easy. I started my blog from inspiration I got from you & other entrepreneurs like Pat Flynn. Reminds me, I am really behind on my income reports… Again, thank you Kimanzi.
Glad this spoke to you Timothy 🙂 Pat is my hero!
Awesome.
This is why I read the GMP.
Keeping faithful is key to being a good man.
Mahalo JP on both accounts 🙂