I always liked the idea of meeting someone special at a party or a nightclub. It seemed a lot more natural and serendipitous than online dating.
The problem was: huge social events used to drain me.
When men and women started pairing off towards the end of the night, I was usually in bed exhausted from the mingling I’d already done.
I always found this strange, seeing how I was a young, fit, and healthy night owl. More importantly, I found it frustrating, because I did want to experience a late-night adventure with one of these party animal girls at the bar.
I’m sure a lot of introverts can relate to this dilemma.
I’ve heard many say they struggle to find a partner for this exact reason. Many believe this happens naturally, due to their introverted nature.
The thing is: I knew I wasn’t introverted. It was nothing to do with alcohol either because I didn’t drink. There must have been something else going on.
The 4 Social Fatigues
Recently, I stumbled across a YouTube video that helped me discover what that something was.
The video explained the concept of the 4 social fatigues
It suggested that being socially drained isn’t an inevitability for introverts.
Most introverts — it was suggested — feel this way because they tend to engage in unhelpful behaviors that drain them.
Indeed, when I stopped engaging in these behaviors, I found it far easier to party and socialize all night long.
So, this information is worth knowing!
Below, I’ll describe four types of social fatigue, how they occur and how introverts can avoid suffering from them.
1. Physical fatigue
If you’re physically tired, that’ll stop you from wanting to socialize as much.
So, get plenty of sleep, exercise, and eat a healthy diet. Avoid carbohydrates especially, as these tend to make you groggy.
The great thing is: when you’re healthier and more energetic, you tend to feel better about yourself.
You have more energy to give to your conversations, and that draws people in.
Instead of giving off the vibe that you’re exhausted and beaten down by life, you’re giving off positive vibes! You’re awake, you’re present, you’re excited to be alive. People want to be around this energy.
When I was an example of mee….. naturally. The others took me
You give off this positive confidence
2. Decision fatigue
When you’re constantly wondering what to do in a social situation, this can also drain you.
Introverts are over-thinkers, and particularly prone to this.
“Should I talk to that person? Should I make that joke? When is the right time to tell a certain story?”
Stressing over all these internal decisions stops you from truly connecting with people.
Also, when the ‘right time’ comes to approach your crush or ask them out, you probably won’t have any willpower left to do it.
A better idea is to follow the ‘five-second rule’. Count down from five, then do what you want to do before you reach zero.
You have no idea what’s going to happen, anyway. So you might as well make your move, then calibrate your behavior after the fact.
This will erase so much mental fatigue.
3. Persona fatigue
If you lack self-esteem, you might be prone to adopting a fake persona, especially when you’re trying to impress someone you’re attracted to.
The thing is: keeping up this charade uses so much mental energy. You’ll be exhausted by the end of the night.
That’s why the classic dating advice “just be yourself” is useful.
“Being yourself” is effortless.
Plus, if you’re trying to meet a partner, it’s in your best interests anyway. If you want to find someone who loves you for you, you may as well avoid putting on a fake persona in the first place.
You’re more likely to find your perfect match by doing that anyway. When you’re unapologetic about who you are, that’s incredibly attractive.
4. Judgment fatigue
When you’re constantly judging your social ‘performance’, wondering whether people like you or thinking about what you should have said to them, that can be the most emotionally draining behavior of all.
Stop doing this. Stay in the present moment. When you’re out socializing, forget about the past. As far as you’re concerned, every interaction is a 10 out of 10.
If you really want, you can evaluate your behavior some other time.
Take it from me…by following these tips, you’ll find it easier to socialize, make new friends and maybe even hit it off with a special person. Even if you identify as a ‘natural introvert’.
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This post was previously published on Medium.
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Photo credit: JJ Jordan on Unsplash