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Will you pay the bill and risk being seen as sexist, or will you ask her to split the bill and risk being seen as cheap?
Just a few days ago I was on my way to a lunch. I was meeting some friends at a nice small restaurant in town.
After I parked my car in an underground parking garage, I walked up the stairs toward the exit and noticed a woman walking in front of me. She was about ten feet from the exit door. I also noticed a man who was already at the door. He was waiting for the woman, and kept the door open for her. As the woman passed him, something unexpected happened. She aggressively said, “Do you think I can’t open my own doors?” and she walked right by him. The poor man was in shock. I thought to myself, What a bitch!
It’s not the case that millions of years of evolution-based attraction mechanisms have suddenly disappeared because we now live in the 21st century.
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So I go to the restaurant, meet my friends, and we have a great lunch. One hour later we’re having our espresso. Suddenly, to my surprise, the same woman enters the restaurant, accompanied by a man I assume is her boyfriend. When they come to their table, the guy pulls out her chair as she sits and slides her back in before seating himself. And she’s smiling and enjoying it!
I’ll be damned! What is going on here? Maybe she knew that other guy from the parking lot. Maybe he was a stalker. Maybe she was just in a bad mood at that time.
The point is, I will never know why she behaved like that. What I do know is that it made me confused.
And I’m not the only one. I can tell from personal experience.
For the past 20+ years I’ve been coaching introverted men to attract women naturally, without being someone they’re not.
I’ve noticed that today more than ever before, men are confused. They really have no clue how to behave with women anymore.
So I decided to write this post on The Good Men Project because good men are affected by this more than the bad guys are. It makes me sick to my stomach. Enough is enough!
Let’s set things straight once and for all.
The rules of attraction and dating have NOT changed.
They are still the same as before.
Women are still attracted to the same things they were attracted to before. And men are still attracted to the same things they were attracted to before. It’s not the case that millions of years of evolution-based attraction mechanisms have suddenly disappeared because we now live in the 21st century. They are still there, and the attraction triggers are still the same as before. We just have forgotten what they are.
There are several reasons for this.
1. Increased Divorce Rate
Because of the increased divorce rate, many men did not grow up with a father around and therefore lacked a male role model to teach them how to behave with women.
Women, on the other hand, still know how to behave with men.
That’s because even with divorce rates being up, women still had a mother to teach them how to behave with men.
2. Elderly People Not Living In The Home Anymore
Grandma and Grandpa don’t live in the home anymore like they used to.
Therefore, a lot of wisdom was lost between generations, including Grandpa’s wisdom about how to be a man and how to behave with women.
3. Religion
Religious programming has dulled our more primal basic instincts that know how to attract women. Think about it: since we were living in caves, we knew how to attract women. You are living proof of it. You wouldn’t be here if your ancestors didn’t have that skill.
4. Cultural Programming
Recent cultural programming is feeding the feminine imperative. Women are a big market. Advertising, media, and movies are empowering women, so they are spending more money. The side effect is that it’s simultaneously pushing men into a more feminine role.
But here’s the sad truth: both men and women are unhappy.
Men don’t know how to behave with women anymore.
But life for women isn’t better. They have another problem. They don’t know consciously what they want in a man anymore. But they still know it unconsciously.
Men, women…we are all confused these days.
Luckily, there’s one golden rule you can follow that will always tell you the truth.
I’m sorry to piss in your cornflakes like this, but I’m going to give it to you straight.
Here it is:
Never listen to what women say they want in a man. Look at who they’re sleeping with instead.
If you follow that advice, you’ll be successful at dating women, even in the 21st century.
No more confusion.
Here are three golden tips to be just macho enough in these turbulent gender role times:
1. Chivalry Still Works.
Opening doors for her, walking on the outside of the sidewalk, letting her walk in first if it’s a place she knows, etc.
Why does this still work to woo the ladies?
According to Wikipedia:
Chivalry, or the chivalric code, is the traditional code of conduct associated with the medieval institution of knighthood.
As you know, knights were part of higher-status elite circles. Women have always been attracted to high-status men, and for good evolutionary reasons.
By being chivalrous, you are high-status, which in turn triggers attraction within women.
2. Disagree With Her.
Most women want a strong man with his own opinions. Sadly, most men these days behave like wimps. The moment they meet a woman they like, they go into “agreement mode”. They agree with everything she says, and what’s worse, they even change their opinions to match hers!
So if you want to become a badass with women, you need to learn how touch a woman.
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Don’t do it. It’s a sign of low status, weakness, and a lack of options with women. After all, would a strong, high-status man with many options agree with everything a woman says? Of course not. He would have his own opinions and if he disagrees, he would tell her. Of course, he would always disagree with respect, but he would voice his opinion and stand his ground.
3. Touch Her and Physically Escalate.
If you think about what dating is at its core, you’ll realize that it’s just two people getting to know each other and physically escalating the relationship along the way.
So if you want to become a badass with women, you need to learn how touch a woman.
There are three kinds of touches:
- Social touch
- Seductive touch
- Sexual touch
It’s critical that you learn how to use all three of them, and it’s even more critical to know exactly when to use them.
If you want to know more about how and when to use escalating touch, or if
you want 100 more dating tips like the three you’ve just read, I’ve
included a killer bonus package for you right here. Check it out now.
What are your thoughts on being just macho enough in the 21st century?
Share your feedback in the comment section below.
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Photo: Getty Images
Since Nick continue to write that I do not base my comments about him on the facts.
I advice anyone here to ask for his “Top 100 dating tips”
Scroll down and see for yourself that he writes exactly what I have written .
But he continues to lie and say I do not use facts.
Because women are liers ,and I guess we can’t even read .sigh.
I will get it Iben. Then I will evaluate it.
Than you Jules.
Scroll down to the end ” Tips on sealing the deal.
10 Unadvertised Ttips”
Sorry about the typo.
Taken Directly from TOP 100 dating tips: “Of course, if she firmly says, “NO, I don’t want this to happen”, then stop immediately.” So clearly, when Iben says we teach men not to respect women when they say no, then that that’s clearly a ly. Because that first sentence in this comment comes directly from the top 100 Dating tips. Also if you read the comment that I wrote too Rosy you’ll see we go even further in teaching men to see the reactions in women by using micro baby steps so it never comes to the point she has… Read more »
Taken Directly from TOP 100 dating tips: “Of course, if she firmly says, “NO, I don’t want this to happen”, then stop immediately.” So clearly, when Iben says we teach men not to respect women when they say no, then that that’s clearly a ly. Because that first sentence in this comment comes directly from the top 100 Dating tips. Plus, Iben, if you read the comment that I wrote too Rosy you’ll see we go even further in teaching men to see the reactions in women by using micro baby steps so it never comes to the point she… Read more »
here’s a link to a page on our website: the kiss test. it shows our philosophy.
It states the man needs to gauge her reactions, look if she’s comfortable etc.
I hope this ends the discussion.
http://www.introvertedbadass.com/the-kiss-test/
Yes Nick .
I always withdraw from interaction with men that threaten me.
You don’t have to worry about that.
Threats works every time!
Hey Iben, Nobody threatens you. That’s what you make out of it. And don’t worry I WON’T even ask my lawyers to check this. That’s not our style. So you can rest assured and sleep on your two ears Iben. I love an open argument. I just wished you could take into considerations my answers more, instead of resorting to this behavior of decontextualizing what I say or write. Nothing more. Also after having told you multiple times what our philosophy is, you keep implying I’m lying. You just won’t take my answers for truth and keep coming with your… Read more »
Nick
I have now asked the editors for advice in this case ,since I am not an Amrican, nor am I a lawyer.
I simple live in county with free speech and more democracy than you have in Ameirca.
I look forward to their opinion .
“Women, on the other hand, still know how to behave with men.
That’s because even with divorce rates being up, women still had a mother to teach them how to behave with men.”
Based on the high divorce rates (and the initial anecdote in your article), I challenge your statement that women (still) know how to behave with men.
Hey there. Thanks for your comment.
The statement ‘women still know how to behave with men’ is referring to the fact they still know how to “attract” and “seduce” men. It doesn’t refer to the fact they still know how to have a long lasting relationship with men.
Hope this clarifies it.
Thanks again.
I find the whole discussion rather dubious and almost like advice from a PUA
Exactly !
Hey Ted.
As the owner, I can tell you it isn’t. We are against PUA. You can even read it on our about us page.
Hope that helps.
While it’s true that chivalry still charms women it also confuses us because while trying to be alongside men in the workplace, it requires us to switch our energies into a more feminine energy akin to something more ‘receiving’ and therefore more vulnerable. Sadly, I think as women we have lost the sense that men want to protect that. So in a work rather than social setting we become threatened instead. I wonder if this is what happened to the rather rude woman witnessed in the above example and so her hostility came out as a survival response: she was… Read more »
Hey Rosy, Thank you for your comment. Actually I “totally” agree with you. The idea behind physical escalation is that many men these days are “too” shy and they lack any kind of sexuality with women. They are afraid of doing something wrong. And so many of them end up in the friend zone and get really frustrated because of that. Frustrated men “can” (I’m not saying they are, but they can) become very dangerous. We solve that problem through a multitude of concepts. And physical escalation is just one of them. Our physical escalation philosophy teaches men how to… Read more »
At best, this reads like the author is selling snake oil. At worst, it’s predatory and demeaning.
Societies, such as the Minangkabau of West Sumatra, Mbuti Pygmies, and the Ashanti of West Africa, view the euro-centric view of machismo to be a form of mental illness.
Coincidentally, they are also caregorically “rape-free” cultures.
Whereas, the United States has been classified as a rape-prone society, as it has the highest rape rate of any industrialized country.
Hmmm…wonder what the common denominator is….?
And? Your point is?
Did you know that many of populations in East European countries view people who smile for no reason as mental ill as well?
Yes, rape is stubbornly high in the US. But, I don’t think it has anything to do with machismo. Latin America is far more machismo than the US. Yet, rape is lower.
Perhaps it could be that the societies you mentioned might practice what we would call very open sexual cultures?
On point as Always Jules! Great reply. It’s strange how people will Judge a title of an article and take it literally to make a point. The article isn’t even about being macho, it’s about attraction and what attracts women on a primal level. The word macho is just a catchy title that suits to a website that likes provocative discussions. And when people react to a title, without even understanding the what it’s about it makes me wonder why they react like this. Most probably other frustrations in their life that’s coming out. Anyways, again thumbs up for the… Read more »
No one simply judged the title of your article. They judged the actual advice you are giving men about how to interact with women. Which so far, all the women who responded, found disturbing. You are not even giving us ladies the time of day in this discussion. You are not listening to us or respecting us. You are brushing us off and dismissing us. I asked you specific questions that you ignored. Please answer the questions I asked in my other comments to you. Please. I also pointed out that it is not okay to call women gender slurs… Read more »
South Africa is currently holding the title for the highest rate of rapes not the united states. in every 100,000 citizens in South Africa 132.4 rape cases are being recorded.
I am also extremely disturbed when you actually advise men to not listen to what a woman says. This is the exact kind of bull that denies women autonomy and promotes a culture where men feel entitled to deny women a voice. I’m sorry but most of your advice is shockingly scared in its complete disregard for what a healthy relationship looks like.
Hey Erin, as I already mentioned in previous replies to you. I did not advice men not to listen to women’s needs. I have no problem with people commenting, but please at least “read” thoroughly before commenting.
I read your comments very thoroughly Nick. You told men not to believe the things women tell them while dating. It is one thing to advise men to pay attention to a woman’s actions. That is legitimate. It is another to advise them to disregard the things women say they want or need. This is actually one thing a lot of women struggle with, with men. Men not listening to us or disregarding us or not viewing our words as being valid. If a man told you something was true for them, you’d mostly believe him. How can you advise… Read more »
“You told men not to believe the things women tell them while dating.”
That’s not what he said Erin.
He said, and I quote, ” Never listen to what a woman says she wants in a man…..” He also said that after sex, or when a couple is no longer dating, that is when a man can listen to his partner’s needs. This creates distrust between men and women. How would you feel if a woman was advising women to never listen to what a man says he wants? this article pits men against women. Giving the message that women do not legitimately express what they want and we can’t be trusted by men.
I took the remark to mean that it wise to WATCH what people do more than listening to what they SAY. So, for me it is more about words of wisdom than sowing seeds of discord.
There is a scripture from the Bible,
“By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?” Matthew 7:16
It applies to women AND men.
AMEN
But that is not what the article says Jules. It doesn’t tell “people” to watch other people’s actions. It tells men to dismiss what women say during dating. There is nothing wrong In advising people to watch other people’s actions. There is nothing wrong in a man telling other men to watch women’s actions. There is something wrong in teaching men that women are not to be trusted in communicating the things they mean and that women indirectly lie about these things. In my own dating experiences I’ve had too many men dismiss what I have verbally communicated in favor… Read more »
Erin, Of course I want that. Nearly every study or survey that has been done of the attributes that men consider MOST important to them in a woman ALWAYS includes TRUST. I think this is why so many of us men are often rather skeptical of women. Why so? Because there are also studies (and surveys out there) that show that when men ask women the very question Nick talked about, many women have been found to be “less than forthcoming.” In fact, there is one where women were ask a question about sexual habits and partners and they gave… Read more »
You’re right To be skeptical of women Jules. We are notoriously untrustworthy. We like bad boys, we like to be abused by men, we say we like nice guys but we just like men who treat us like crap, that is why so many good men are single. We want men to abuse us. Hey, keep touching our bodies even after we pull back and say no. That is what Nick suggests you do. Because a woman pulling back the first time certainly isn’t a hard “no”. We tell you one thing and do the other anyway. Men on the… Read more »
WARNING – RANT AHEAD! Erin, I guess as President Reagan used to say, “There you go again!” Can we just lower our voices here for a moment. Please. It is known fact that today men AND women are mutually distrustful of one another..Is that not what this whole vulnerability thingy is all about? So, when a woman says to a nice guy that she is looking for a nice guy to date AND rebuffs said nice guy only to turn around and start dating/sexing dirt bag bad boy, then can’t you see how this impacts a man’s trust when it… Read more »
I respect Jules A LOT, for taken the time to write so well written and constructive replies. He really does his best answering questions and bringing “perspectives”. Erin on the other hand, you keep reacting emotionally. This discussion is going nowhere. Whatever Jules write, Erin will keep fighting. This is not a constructive dialogue. Erin is acting based on what she “wants” to believe instead of what Jules, others and I are saying. Taking into account something bad happened to her with men (I don’t know what exactly, but she mentions it multiple times in comments), well it’s clear that… Read more »
Erin, He did not say men should not listen to what women say [as a blanket statement]. He said this within the context of “what women say they want in a man.” There IS a difference. Obviously, what a person DOES is a greater expression of actual preference or behavior than what they say. Right? While Nick can speak for himself, I don’t feel that the statement in and of itself seeks to deny women a voice. You are merely blowing things way out of proportion here Erin. This is a statement very specific to dating. Yet, somehow you now… Read more »
Thanks Jules 🙂
Nick, can you please answer these questions: What happens after a man and women have sex that makes women more trust worthy to believe the things they say? How do you teach men to believe women in anything after teaching them that women can not be trusted to communicate who they are and what they need? Do you believe most men successfully navigate the balance of respecting what women communicate to them after the dating process , when before, they were told that women can’t be trusted to be verbally honest? How do men flip a switch from being distrustful… Read more »
You know Jules, in all the time we have been discussing topics, I have never told you that you were “blowing things out of proportion” just because I didn’t see eye to eye with you. To me, “blowing things out of proportion” is just another way to suggest that I am being emotional when I’ve actually given logical points why this advice is troublesome. And not listening to the women here, and how they want to be treated during dating, or listening to how experiences shaped us in dating when men chose to disregard the things we communicate to them,… Read more »
1. I am deeply disturbed whenever someone who gives advice about the opposite gender premotes abusive name calling toward the gender they are trying to get their focus group to have relationships with. Certainly critic poor behavior. That woman acted poorly. I always enjoy when a man opens a door for me personally. I always smile and thank him for his effort. But please don’t justify you using name calling because someone acted badly. 2. I don’t actually think men have ever had to know or understand as much about women as women have had to about men. Even when… Read more »
Because of the increased divorce rate, many men did not grow up with a father around and therefore lacked a male role model to teach them how to behave with women. Women, on the other hand, still know how to behave with men. That’s because even with divorce rates being up, women still had a mother to teach them how to behave with men. Wait a minute. If women still know how to behave with men, then how did the divorce rate increase? I think this kinda puts the blame all on men as if women play no role in… Read more »
Hey Danny, good point. I was referring to the dating process. Not the whole relationship process. Of course both men and women are responsible. However, if you look at dating & attracting women, many man don’t have a clue on how to do it. Most women, however, still know exactly how to attract a man. Hope this clarifies it.
“Never listen to what women say they want in a man. Look at who they’re sleeping with instead.”
Who, fuck buddies? She won’t date them. Past relationships? Those ended for a reason. So who?
Obviously only listen to those that earn a lot of money giving ” advice”.
Funny..:)
“So who?”
The men she dates.
“Past relationships? Those ended for a reason.”
But, she dated them. Right? Do all relationships last forever?
This is a good question. How do men monitor who a woman has previously dated? And how do they do it accurately?
Erin,lets imagine that a woman is more than willing to give her new date the name of the man (or men) she has slept with. How will a man use this information? He can find some facts about her former lover (or lovers). But what is he looking for? And if he manages to get an idea of her former boyfriend,or earlier husband.Then what? I guess he wants to see if she was a good judge of character,and slept with “high quality ” men….. And maybe he also wants to know about their sexlife. The problem here is that he… Read more »
Amen Iben. Beautifully articulated. I am hoping one of the men here, even Nick, will take the time to address your comments here and the questions it brings up.
Hello Iben…Great question. I will step up and take a crack at this one. So, I am dating a woman. OR I am out on a date with a woman. We’re out on the town. She meets a man and introduces him to me. She tell me “I dated him last year for a while.” Now, I as man can pretty much look at this guy and size him up. So, I say to her “My God, why in the hell did you date him! He looks like a player and total asshole.” She says to me, “Yeah, you’re right…..”… Read more »
Iben,
Answer: I never cared about that.
We are Scandinavian ….
Like you I would not take a look at my boyfriends former partners or sweetheart.
But I have a lot to learn from Jules, the way he asks important questions before he opens his heart 99%.
Scandinavians do not date like they do in America.
I think Jules has some good ideas about how not end up with the wrong person . It is hard .
Unless you see it with you own eyes or she divulges it or you hear it about through the “grapevine”, you will never know.
I can tell you that women do talk! Their female friends will even mention to men who are part of their circle(s) some of the men that their female friends have dated.
But, their is no real accurate way to know just to answer your question, at least in any consist manner.
I enjoyed this.
First it connected strategies with ideas I have about opening the Japanese market for my business, and secondly these brief points it took me to your site (which needs a lot of work, sorry) for me to see who ansd what perspective is behind it
Then in your site I downloaded the 3 goodies and have found that most of this is succinct gold.
Hey Gregory, thanks a lot for sharing that. I’m glad you liked it and best of luck with your new business.
I would say that other men don’t want men to speak their minds and/or opinions as well particularly at the workplace. It is call kissing the boss’ rear end.
“Women, on the other hand, still know how to behave with men. That’s because even with divorce rates being up, women still had a mother to teach them how to behave with men.” Sexist, factfree horse manure. “how to be a man” Cliched male control phrase. Ignored, and all men should do similarly. “Religious programming has dulled our more primal basic instincts that know how to attract women” Used to agree with that, then I realised how sex-negative certain contemporary “equality” movements were. Religion is definitely not the only problem here, and some secular alternatives are worse when it comes… Read more »
Good God in heaven. The naivete and gynocentrism here are priceless. She scolded the man who held the door and warmly accepted the ‘holding of the chair’ because women have figured out that they can play from both the traditional and feminist playbook giving them the advantage in every situation. How can you people not see this (rhetorical). Someone here commented, “This man will not become a MGTOW. He’s a good man.” You really don’t see the Pavlovian conditioning happening with this comment? “Good boy. Here’s your cookie.” Women really are smarter than men. This place is fascinatingly horrifying. The… Read more »
The article is just the impetus, opening up the discussion. Read the comments and the discussion.
“Play time” is over.
I don’t agree with the woman’s behavior for being so rude when a man held a door for her. But there is actually nothing wrong in wanting your male romantic partner to treat you differently then other men that you happen to come across in real life. Infact, men are no different in this regard about the things they want their own partner to do for them vs a woman in every day life. But for some reason, we try to tell ourselves that women aren’t allowed to want their romantic partners to treat them differently because this makes them… Read more »
I agree with that. No it doesn’t make you a hypocrite.
Just “wanting your male romantic partner to treat you differently then other men that you happen to come across in real life” is rather different from being rude to anyone (man OR woman) who is just showing some common courtesy.
I said several times in this discussion that her behavior was rude and uncalled for. My response was to Tim who felt that she was playing both sides of the fence by not wanting one man to hold a door for her but allowing her date to pull out a chair. Women often get accused of being hypocritical when they want different men, in different circumstances to treat them differently. I was simply saying that when men would call me “sweetie” at work, I found that inappropriate but I warmly enjoy a boyfriend using the same endearment. This alone does… Read more »
Wait. I’m checking my notes. Did I write this? …or did Nick steal my thoughts? I dunno, but somehow the patriot act is involved here. I want to try to elaborate on a few things. Hope I can do so lucidly. First is this, “Never listen to what women say they want in a man. Look at who they’re sleeping with instead.” This is largely true. Most “emotionally intelligent” guys (I had to toss that parody in there, sorry), know this to be true, and I’ve lived by it (or became myself once again after a lousy relationship where I… Read more »
This is one of the top 5 most awesome and insightful replies I’ve read in 20+ years of reading this stuff.
My thanks, Gentlemen.
Seems you’ve also hit the proverbial home run in opening conversation, Nick. Well done.
AMEN!
Man that was a great reply! Keep up the good work!
One more thing Nick . When you say ” never listen to what a woman say she want in a man” So you obviously imagine you can have a romantic relationship ,cohabit , or marry a woman and have this attitude about her . Nothing about what she tells you is something you have to listen to,respect or try to understand because you the macho man know so much better. You can read her mind and know her better than she knows herself . No matter . Well a few men are quite good at it , they are gifted… Read more »
Hey again, Iben. Thanks again for your comment. I really like this one. Reason being is you point out something that I didn’t clarify in my article. You are mixing different things, but it’s not your fault. It was not clearly stated in the article #1 you are mixing how to behave during the dating process (before sexual intimacy), with how to behave once you are both a couple. These are two different animals. And the rules from one don’t apply to the rules of the other. For “example”: when you buy flowers to your wife or girlfriend, she will… Read more »
As another woman here, I don’t believe Iben mixed anything. In fact, I think you are talking down to her in your response by telling her she is just basically ‘confused’. Iben is an intelligent individual. She called you out for basically telling men not to listen to women, and you think this statement is justified because the couple is just ‘dating’. If a woman told other women not to listen to men, to ignore them in favor of their own conclusions about them, there isn’t a man here that would be onboard with that advice. You are actually advising… Read more »
Hey there, thanks for your comment.
If you read my reply to Iben, then you will see I didn’t advice men not to adjust to the needs of women. Please read it again. If after reading it again, it still isn’t clear, then I’m sorry but I think nothing I can say will change your mind. And I respect your opinion. Whatever you choose to believe, I wish you a nice day anyway.
I read it again. Your advice deeply saddens me. Women want to be respected just like men do. We want to be heard and we want to be considered valid people with valid perspectives. Telling men that women can not be trusted to say what they mean and solidifying men’s distrust in women, creating the perception that men know women better than they know themselves, is heartbreaking. Effectively making sex the barometer for how a woman deserves to be treated before and after, is confusing and is what leads men in being confused when to actually take women at their… Read more »
Erin you are right . Nick teach me to undermine women. Next, give her some time to adjust. Don’t jump on her and kiss her immediately. Let her sit in the sofa and talk for 15 minutes. If she resists your escalation at a certain point, use the two steps forward, one step back tactic. This means that you will take one step back and then go two steps forward. For example, she might object when you touch her breasts. So, just go back to kissing her and caressing her arms. Do this for a few minutes and then go… Read more »
Is that an article from his website??? This is deeply disturbing. I have had too many experiences where I was very clear about how I wanted to be touched and how far I was ready to go, only to have some men, certainly not all, do exactly what Nick is telling men to do there. They would pull back and give me a false sense of security, only to push my boundaries without consent. It took me way too long to speak out that it wasn’t okay. Of course, there are men who are completely willing to respects your consent.… Read more »
3 Hairs on the head of someone is just a “few” hairs. 3 hairs in the soup, that’s a “lot” of hairs. My point? Context changes the meaning of things. What both of you are doing is “decontextualizing” the things I said. This article, my website, you even subscribed to my newsletter to get behind the scenes information and then later on decontextualize it. Don’t you have anything better to do with your time? Let me be crystal clear: When a man physically escalates and a woman says NO I don’t want this. Than he has to respect that. But… Read more »
if you can not cope with honest comments from women about what you publish online, then you are not macho enough.
I do visit websites sometimes and will continue to do so.
To refer to facts is not trolling nor is it hateful to question advice given about sex online written by persons that make a living giving advice.
Oh love comments Iben. In fact in invite them. Even if they don’t agree with my view.
However, you are not stating facts. It’s “very” obvious that you are not acting based on what I wrote (or on facts). You are acting based on what you “already” believed. And you are decontextualizing things I wrote or said to change the meaning so that you can reinforce your own pre-existing believes.
Thanks for these latest responses Nick. I think this has been the most accurate reprensation of who you are and where you stand. Men who get it, will see your purposely degrading comments for what they are. Men who don’t, will buy into your thinly covered, sex-negative PUA style of dating. I just hope that more men then not will challenge your methodology and seek advice that will honesty bring them closer to women instead of separating them from women. And I hope they see what you did right here which was to dismiss, put down and attempt to shame… Read more »
Iben,
Well, if a man already has a romantic relationship, cohabit, or is married to a woman, then she has already made her choice, hasn’t she?
Flyingkal, you know it more complicated than that.
I do not know what goes on inside other women’s head .
I prefer to think everyone ,men and women get married because they have as you said ” chosen “.
marriage is a contract for life. Yes it is a choice.
Cohabitation where I live can mean all sort of things. For some it is a promise for life exactly like the marriage promis . For others is like my friend B. said when she moved in with partner ” let’s see how this develops “
Hi Nick You are dead wrong when you say women still how to deal with a man from their mother. This is naive Nick. And you have never met my mother… It also surprise me how often Americams seems to think they know who has sex with whom and how often. In your dating you ask for sexual history … In my country sex is private, and we do not know who other people sleep with or what persons has most frequent and beat quality sex. How on earth Nick can you tell what couples have good see or not.… Read more »
Hello Iben! I know this was directed at Nick, “It also surprise me how often Americams seems to think they know who has sex with whom and how often. In your dating you ask for sexual history … In my country sex is private, and we do not know who other people sleep with or what persons has most frequent and beat quality sex. How on earth Nick can you tell what couples have good see or not.” Yes, Iben sex has become very open here in America in many parts of our society. What Nick is referring to is… Read more »
“Hi Nick You are dead wrong when you say women still how to deal with a man from their mother”
I agree here, Iben. Women have no clue as to who we are these days. They only know what they’ve been telling us to be and expecting us to be.
That’s not a dig on them, it is one on us. Too silent for too long. We owe them that truth, and they, in turn, owe us the acceptance of that truth.
You are in a article where one man is telling other men not to accept women’s truth when they articulate it and you fully supported that. But women owe men the truth of listening to men when they speak theirs? Do you see how confusing that is?
Hey Iben, Thank you for your comment. Man, I don’t even know where to start answering you. I believe there are two big misunderstandings in what you tell me, and because of those, I can really understand your reaction. Let me set things straight. First, I don’t remember to have said that we know who has sex with whom. The one liner: “don’t listen to what women say they want, look at who they are sleeping with”, does not mean we ask women if they had sex with someone, neither do we look when 2 people are having sex. So… Read more »
Very good explanation Nick.
I love this!
Tx San
Nick, I challenge you to an experiment. Take this article to the women I. Your family, to your friends and to a female centric website and see what kind of reaction all three groups give you. If most women respond with concern or out rage, then you have to consider why that is. Or you can go on telling yourself that you know women more then they know themselves.
Believe it or not, I actually did, and it got great feedback. Thanks for the suggestion anyway.
Where can I see the positive feed back you got from other women on this piece? I am totally interested in seeing how other women responded to it. Thanks!
Not more than women that invite a men into their apartment after a date for “just” a last cup of coffee. And not more than women that come together to strategize about how they can help their friend get that cute guy she has a crush on. And not more than women that put on make-up, push up bra’s, and other visual enhancements and illusions to seduce men. But hey you know what? I don’t mind. C’est La Vie. Anyways, have a nice day Iben. I’m not out here to fight with people. Everybody has right to their opinion. And… Read more »
Don’t worry about how I feel Nick.
I just told you how I LOVE to read what kind of advice some men give others about how to relate to women.
Instead you should worry about the women that end u with men that feel they have a right to touch a woman against her wishes, because he is so desperate to get laid.
Well said Iben.
Wrong Nick. We can’t just read it and feel better. Because you are giving advice to men who take your dating advice out into the world and date us with it. Then women like me and Iben end up in situations where our date is actively disregarding what we’ve expressed we wanted.Which unfortunately is an experience I am too familiar with. I don’t think you even understand how easily men already undermine women. You are teaching men to disregard women’s social ques on top of telling men women can’t be trusted to be truthful. What exactly happens after sex that… Read more »
Erin, I’m sorry you had something bad happening in your life. I truly do. I get why you are reacting so emotionally to this topic. Nothing I can say, will make you change your mind. I’ve answered too Rosy by explaining how we teach men to use baby steps when escalating and ‘continuously’ check if a woman is ‘comfortable’ and how to “read” her social ques. In fact, exactly what you are talking about here. Still you keep saying it’s not true. Clearly you already made up your mind and nothing that I can say or write will proof you… Read more »
Nick, no one needs a degree in psychology here to see how you are trying to manipulate the dialogue. I have no idea what this ‘bad thing’ that happened in my life you are pulling out of you butt to allude to. I also don’t even know why you think having bad things happen in anyone’s life, haven’t we all had bad things happen to us, should undermine my perspective here. But I do know that you believe by alluding to something you know nothing about, that you are discrediting my perspective. I also know that you believe it will… Read more »
“Never listen to what women say they want in a man. Look at who they’re sleeping with instead.”
Ditto!!!!
Of course when they have sex with that hot sociopath guy, it was a mistake. She was “going through something.”
Your answer made me laugh! I like the truth in it. We’ve all seen that happen. However, I’d like to point out that we can learn a lot by looking at who women are sleeping with. It helps to get rid of the confusion that men have these days as to what women really want. Of course I don’t mean we need to be sociopaths or bad guys. But we can learn by looking deeper. Many women like bad guys because they bring them excitement, they challenge women, they don’t put them on pedestals, etc. We can learn from that,… Read more »
Oh, and the answer to the mysterious behavior from that woman? It’s probably just that many (most?) women are only ok with accepting acts of chivalry from men they find attractive. I see this difference every day, between me holding a door for women going in and out of my office building, and a much taller, better looking, better built guy doing the same. In fact, the two types of reactions are almost literally as you describe. Sometimes I’m a little nervous about the “if looks could kill” reactions I get. Conversely, the smiling, flirtatious batting of eyelashes some of… Read more »
Hey Anthony, you are 100% right. Women are very ok to accepting acts of chivalry from men they find attractive. However, I think you confuse 2 things my friend. You confuse attractiveness with looks. We men tend to judge women’s attractiveness mostly based on looks. For women it’s different. Yes, looks matter, but I’ll tell you what matters more: your body language. The reason for this is that our body language is a reflection of our self-image. And for evolutionary reasons women are looking for, self-confident men with high self-esteem. And when your self-esteem is not high, it shows in… Read more »
Oh, believe me, I don’t have this problem. I do everything I can to keep my ego reasonably in check, based on how many times a day people proclaim my awesomeness. LOL! But no, my self-worth doesn’t need work…maybe my body language somehow with something I’m missing, but it’s hard to “see yourself” when you’re out in public, and nobody I ever talk to about it can point to anything specific they see I’m doing “wrong”. At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter much to me. It’s not like I’m single, and trying to attract women or… Read more »
Hey Anthony, I’m very happy you don’t have these issue’s.
If you the body language part is something that you would like to get looked at, you can ask a friend to film you with his smartphone when you’re out. And send me that file. All give you feedback, for free. I don’t know if it’s against the rules of The Good Men Project to communicate my email address in the comments section.
This behavior, Anthony? “She aggressively said, “Do you think I can’t open my own doors?” and she walked right by him. The poor man was in shock. I thought to myself, What a bitch!” Yep, been there. I was actually called a chauvinist pig for doing so, and I ate it. In that one sentence, I placated, freely gave my power away. I showed fear, and she sensed it immediately, like a cat on the prowl. I gave her permission to treat me like that. Hell, I was begging for it. Today? I don’t care if it’s fashionable or not… Read more »
Exactly, we call it being the “good bad boy”!
Wow! This is like a synopsis of everything we know to be true, but aren’t allowed to say.
“Never listen to what women say they want in a man. Look at who they’re sleeping with instead.”
It’s blindingly obvious, and we all know it, but I can’t wait to see what kind of comments show up here. I’ll be watching this space closely, because I’m sure it’ll be a fun ride…
Hey Anthony, thanks for your comment. I’m glad you liked it and I’ll be watching the comments too 🙂
Hey Anthony, I just answered your comment. But unfortunately I wasn’t logged in. So my answer is waiting to be accepted by the moderator. You should get it soon.
Yeah, this site’s login has started acting up lately. It seems I’ll be logged in to make a comment, and then suddenly logged out 5 minutes later when I go to make another…dunno what’s up with that…
“This is like a synopsis of everything we know to be true, but aren’t allowed to say.” Anthony, just who ever told you that you could not say this? You live in a free country and can say anything you damn well please. You are an intelligent and rational man. I am sure you will come across in the same manner. Speak up!!!! Trust me when I tell you this: you will be immensely respected. You will become more attractive to women. I have been out on many occasions and seen men in the presence of women agreeing with everything… Read more »
I totally agree with Jules.
Also I’m sure Jules was NOT arrogant or disrespectful when he disagreed. There’s no need to. Just respectfully voice your opinions and stand your ground. Nice comment Jules.
Thanks Nick..
You’re right. I am always professional and scholarly. I also avoid talking over women which a lot of men do when debating or having a dialogue with women. Women do notice this behavior.
Just want men like Anthony to become more confident men and not feel they have to be silent in a free country.
You are very welcome!
Ok, I suppose my comment came out wrong. Don’t worry. In person, I’m amazing with everyone, when it comes to conversation. I don’t lack confidence or anything. I can and do talk to anyone about anything, anywhere, any time. I’ll meet random strangers, start up a conversation, and the next thing anybody knows, they’re saying “OMG, it’s been *two hours* already? I’m gonna be late!” I just mean in general, especially online in places like this, the contentions in this article typically get incredibly angry responses from women, and even some men, because they’re interpreted as …I dunno, endorsing gender… Read more »
Yeah Anthony, in can understand that.
It’s not you don’t want to speak your mind, but sometimes online, you are bit more careful. I have that too. Reason being is I don’t want to go into these pointless angry discussions just for the sake of arguing. Totally get it.
Glad you’re so good at conversation. Talk soon, Nick.
Nick
Jules are not polite all the time, he can be bad bad bad sometime . I love him dearly .
I really love Jules with warm feelings in my heart.
It is NOT because he speaks up or because he disagrees.
No it is because what he does what so few men seems to do,he puts in an enormous lot of work ,study and fight to better his understanding of women and himself .
Soon he can take a PhD in this subject ..:).
This man will not join MGTOW.
He is fighter .
Yes I love this guy,
I’m happy we agree on that Iben 🙂
Hello Iben! I should call you my love. But my girlfriend would be upset. But, you are special to me Iben. I know you have been angry with me of late. I can tell:) You read me very very well. Yes, I can at times be bad bad bad as you say…. Though I would not think it is intentional. I get very frustrated with women sometimes. Very. I was once a college professor. I had some terrible students on occasions who simply could not grasp certain basic macroeconomic principles. But, I never gave up on them [if they were… Read more »
Wow Jules, you have sure worked at understanding women! *swoon*.
Thanks Rosy..I put in the time and effort. I continue to do so.
Yeah, I know. The passive “yes” man makes me cringe too. I’m respected most by my friends because they know I’ll speak my mind, I make it a point to always be learning, about everything under the sun, I think about why I hold the opinions and beliefs I do, and they can come to me for straight answers and advice. Hell, I have people randomly contact me because somebody I know has told them they need to talk to me for advice or mentoring. So I know what you mean. See my other replies to replies in this thread… Read more »
Great Anthony!
Speak up, stand up for yourself, and stand your ground.
Speak softly and carry a big stick! LOL!
Nah, it’s more like speak eloquently and have people people ask “hey, can I use that?”
“Sure thing….royalty free!”
I like that Bro!
Anthony, I guess your sense of humor won’t hurt your chances with the ladies neither nice one man!
Anthony, should I never listen to what a man says he wants in a woman too?
There is an overall assumption with this article that women want a husband and men want a wife. At the same time, as I indicated before that it’s up to the men to make the difference, to make the changes and adjustments. Very little accountability placed on the women and their role other then making excuses for their not knowing.
Hey Tom, thanks for your comment. I appreciate it a lot. I can understand that you want women to place more accountability on to women, and in a perfect world I would have to agree with you. Sadly we don’t live in a perfect world. And if we wait for the other person to take accountability we put ourselves in a ‘victim-role’, which will not make us happier. Again I can feel where you are coming from, never the less I believe it’s better to focus on what we can do ourselves. That way we can have impact instead of… Read more »
Hey again Tom, I like how you dissect these posts. I wish more people would do that, it would make for many interesting conversations. Here’ are my responses to your comments. #1 weather it’s a result of children that have experienced their parents divorcing or weather they never knew their father in the first place. It comes back to the same: they didn’t have a father figure to teach them. #2 I agree with you. #3 I like your sharpness here that being said my point is that it’s not one thing that’s contributing it’s the mix of those… Read more »
Hello Tom!
“At the same time, as I indicated before that it’s up to the men to make the difference, to make the changes and adjustments.”
This is paramount Tom. Otherwise, we men are going to continue to be steamrolled.
#1 concerns me on several levels. You’ve placed the onus on thew divorce rate on the shoulders of men. You’ve also made an assumption that most of the kids these days who are raised by moms are the result of a divorce. Many kids these days never had an intact family and came out of the gate without a dad in the home, much less in their lives at ll. Having a mother doesn’t guarantee that the mom will teach them how to treat a man. And given that women initiate divorce far more then men, one has to wonder… Read more »