Occasionally, guys will ask me about how to make it easier for them to get laid. My answer is almost always the same: the way to make it easier to find people who are up for sex is to create a place where they can feel safe.
I realize I get shit for leading with the idea of sex to improve society, but I believe in enlightened self-interest. Folks who may not do the right thing because it’s the right thing will do the right thing when it’s in their own interest. And the fact is that the culture we’ve created alienates women and makes them feel unsafe. We live in a culture that perpetuates and even celebrates harmful and, frankly, dangerous behavior and ideas about how men are supposed to act around women. It lionizes men who act like predators and insists that this is just “how things are”.
We trivialize issues of consent and sexual assault. Women are blamed for being assaulted, while judges express concern for their rapist’s “promising future”. We make jokes about rape and high-five dudes for getting some from women who didn’t want to have sex. We treat sex as a goal to be achieved by any means and women as a trophy. It’s a toxic narrative that poisons our culture and leaves women feeling that they’re not able to trust or feel safe around men.
And most of us don’t realize we’re doing it.
Fortunately – or unfortunately, depending on how you want to look at it – the news cycle has given us a perfect example of what this behavior looks like and how we perpetuate it.
The Normalization of Sexual Assault
On Friday, October 7th, the Washington Post released a recording of presidential candidate Donald Trump having a conversation with Billy Bush, apparently unaware that their mics were live. Besides crude talk about the looks of a soap-opera actress who was waiting outside the bus, Trump dropped this particular gem (emphasis added):
I’ve got to use some Tic Tacs, just in case I start kissing her. You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. I just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything.
Then, after a little cross-talk and a reiteration of “whatever you want”, Trump added – to appreciative chuckles:
Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.
Then, as Bush and Trump exit the bus, Bush and Trump start to push actress Adriana Zucker into hugging them…
Bush: How about a little hug for the Donald? He just got off the bus.
Zucker: Would you like a little hug, darling?
Trump: Okay, absolutely. Melania said this was okay.
Bush: How about a little hug for the Bushy? I just got off the bus. There we go. Excellent. Well, you’ve got a nice co-star here.
…followed by some uncomfortable “banter” from Bush and Trump over which of them is hotter.
Bush: Now, if you had to choose, honestly, between one of us: me or the Donald? Who would it be?
Trump: I don’t know, that’s tough competition.
Zucker: That’s some pressure right there.
Bush: Seriously, you had to take one of us as a date.
Zucker: I have to take the 5th on that one.
The whole exchange is awkward on its own, but the context makes it worse. Trump has just gotten finished talking about how he uses his celebrity status to pressure women into submitting to whatever he wants to do without complaint to laughs and approval. Now Billy Bush – acting like Trump’s wingman – pressures Zucker to be affectionate with them. It presents a textbook example of how men are taught to treat women as objects, to do whatever they please, while consent is something that happens to other people. “Here, be affectionate for my bro. Now do the same for me. Now tell us which of us you want to fuck more. Be a good sport and play along, we can fuck your career you know.”
And to be sure: it’s not as though it’s unusual for Trump to brag about how he does whatever he wants with women and gets away with it. On the Howard Stern show, Trump crowed about how he would regularly barge in on Miss Universe contestants while they were naked – again, to chuckling approval.
While Trump may be a high-profile example, he’s hardly alone. He’s merely the most visible example of a culture that trivializes harassment and the assault of women. And he’s only half of the equation. The other half are the enablers.
#YesAllMen
When the story of the recording hit the media, the Internet, predictably, exploded. Besides the expected condemnations of Trump’s language and behavior came the defense: “What’s the big deal?” “This was just locker room talk.” “Guys like to talk about this.”
“[@realDonaldTrump] talks like a guy. And ladies out there, this is what guys talk about when you’re not around.” –@ScottBaio pic.twitter.com/BpnY0YR5lm
— Fox News (@FoxNews) October 9, 2016
The message from the defenders is perfectly clear: “this is normal stuff. It’s typical guy behavior. This is not a big deal.” It’s ok to talk about women this way, as long as women don’t overhear it. It’s guy talk, meant for other guys and thus women shouldn’t be offended. The problem isn’t what Trump said, it’s that what he said escaped the privacy of the “locker room.” Nobody should take it seriously, because it’s not that big of a deal. And besides, women shouldn’t be shocked; all guys talk like that. Right? Right?
The constant refrain of “it’s guy talk” diminishes the impact of what’s being said. It turns the description of sexual assault into mischievous behavior by a puckish rascal, something we should find charming in a roguish sort of way. The chuckles and encouragement offered by Stern normalizes, even encourages, this behavior. Insisting that “all” guys are like that is part of how we excuse the behavior with a knowing laugh and a wink. Boys will be boys after all. Of course guys are going to act like this. Everyone knows that guys are dogs.
It absolves men of any responsibility for their action or the need to control themselves. After all, it’s just “how we are”. And in doing so, we teach others that this expected, even desirable behavior among men. After all, how awesome is it that this guy just goes up and starts kissing beautiful women? Who among us wouldn’t want to do just that? Why shouldn’t we try to get as much action as we can?
In practice however, it’s giving approval to terrorizing women and treating them like toys. It’s no different from the people who think yelling “Fuck her right in the pussy!” is hilarious, that it’s fun to try to sexually harass women in a foreign country, or that assaulting Gigi Hadid is a clever prank. Nodding, chuckling and high-fiving over this behavior is an affirmation: sexual assault is awesome. It’s what guys should aspire to do.
It’s too bad, then, that we don’t think of what else we’re saying when we normalize this behavior.
How Men Tell Women “You Are Never Safe”
When we treat behavior like Trump’s as “just guy stuff” or imply that it’s something all guys do, we send a very specific message to the women in our lives: you aren’t safe around us. This isn’t a small thing; 1 in 6 women in America have been the victim of an attempted or completed sexual assault or rape. In fact, almost every woman you know is likely to have a story about how someone has tried to “grab them by the pussy”. They’ve had someone grope them, harass them or otherwise treated them like a toy.
Even if you don’t know somebody who’s been groped or assaulted, the women in your life do… and they’re paying attention to what you say. When you laugh at Trump’s wacky stories of barging in on women when they’re changing or YouTube bros running up and grabbing women’s asses, they notice. When you dismiss cat-calling and street harassment as not a big deal or as a compliment, women take note. They pay attention the folks who thought that the best way to respond to theDickwolves controversy was to double down, or to those who dismiss harassers as “just socially awkward”. Women keep track of the guys who think the best way to respond to stories of sexual harassment is to argue technical distinctions, as though that made things better.
Because that behavior is sending a message. And that message is “you’re not safe.”
That may seem unfair to you. You never behave like that. You don’t run around grabbing and lifting strange women. You might not “just start kissing” someone because hey, beautiful women. But by signalling your approval of that behavior, you’re telling them that you don’t think it’s that big of a deal. What is just a goof to you is part of the background radiation to women. Minimizing the impact or normalizing it with “well it’s how guys are” tells people that you might not do it yourself, but you’re not opposed to other people doing it.
Thing is: that tacit acceptance cuts both ways…
Confronting Toxic Behavior In Male Only Spaces
The other side of downplaying behavior like Trump’s isn’t just telling women that they’re not safe, it’s telling other men that you approve. One of the reasons why defenders of this behavior are quick to describe it as “guy talk” is to legitimize it and take refuge in the numbers. Like a particularly shitty ball of sardines, they try to evade the consequences of their behavior through sheer volume. If all guys do it, after all, then they can’t be singled out for their own sins.
This is also why so many are quick to label behavior like this as something guys do when they get together. By dismissing this as “locker room talk,” they attempt to downplay its importance. The message is simple: “it shouldn’t count against us if other people don’t overhear it.” Now, like when it comes out that people made racist jokes in private, the problem is people found out about it, not that it was said in the first place.
There’s a lot of pressure to stay quiet. That ongoing silence from others serves to isolate people who disagree.
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That’s why it becomes especially important for guys to speak up against talk like this. Men who are quick to label this as #yesallmen look to drag even people who disagree in by association. Consequently, everything that isn’t a refutation becomes validation. Laughing, nodding or sharing it are obvious signs of approval, but even silence gets taken as agreement. After all, if you disagreed, you’d say something, wouldn’t you?
Of course, guys who’re invested in this behavior will also be quick to try to delegitimize others speaking out against them. Speaking out against shitty behavior online brings in the chorus of accusations that you’re “white-knighting” or insisting that you’re just “virtue-signalling” – showing off how “good” you are for the benefit of others. It’s in their own interests to insist that you don’t actually believe what others say. In their minds, the only people who would disagree with them are working an angle, pretending to care in order to gain some nebulous advantage. Shouting down people who challenge their status-quo serves the narrative that they’re the dominant force instead of just the loudest and most visible.
And to be fair, there’s a lot of pressure to stay quiet. That ongoing silence from others serves to isolate people who disagree. You don’t necessarily want to speak up only to find yourself alone with your metaphorical dick flapping in the wind. This is why it’s so important for men to speak out – not just publicly but in those “male-only” spaces where men like this assume that everyone agrees. Open dissent sends a message, not just to the assholes but to the others around you – they’re not alone. They have support. They can speak up too. And those men, once empowered, signal to others that they aren’t the minority.
Just as importantly, it sends a message to other men that they don’t have to pay lip service to bullshit ideas of manhood. It encourages men to be better, instead of allowing the default state of man to be “asshole”.
Men Need To Lead The Way
When it comes to pushing back against toxic bullshit like Trump’s behavior with women, it’s vital for men to take the lead. We have to be willing to lead by example – with our behavior as well as our words. We may not be individually responsible for creating this culture, but as a group, we have the responsibility to fix it.
A lot of us will have laughed at those jokes or given our approval over antics like these in the past. That’s ok. You may not have known then… now you do. Forgive yourself for having been imperfect, and take the opportunity to make things better.
It’s also important to note that men speaking up will have an impact that women may not. As shitty as it is to acknowledge, many men will dismiss women’s protests or even their lived experiences, but give credence to other men who say the same thing. As long as that privilege exists, it’s incumbent on us to use it to make things better. This doesn’t mean talking over women, but speaking with them and amplifying them as well as speaking out on our own, especially in those male-only spaces.
The assholes will push back. They’ll try to silence you. Don’t let them. You may be one voice, but that one voice speaking up can inspire others. Each voice can be part of a chorus. One person pushing back against a shitty, toxic culture can be part of the movement. It’s time to send the signal: no, men don’t do this.
It’s time to start being better than we are.
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This article originally appeared on Doctor Nerd Love
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Source: 30dB.com – Locker Room and Talk
“Despite some supporters defending Trump’s excuse of locker room talk, which supporters include recently minted wing nut Rudy Giuliani, Social is not buying it, not by a long shot. Locker room talk is coming in at 79% negative in social media.”
Photo credit: Getty Images
I voted for Trump because I want to deport all the immigrants, and repeal Obamacare, and not have any more “gun control,’ not because I like his locker room talk. I don’t talk like that even in locker rooms. But you can’t deny that there is serious pathology in male/female relations these days. And seeing how things are, how can you blame so many men for thinking that MGTOW is the best solution?
Mr. Harris. Both women and men objectify each other, just in different ways, right. Pigs like the DJ always focus on womens looks, their sex, their bodies, because his is a pig. How to deal with him, men need to deal with him in a language he understands, aggression and physical assault, just like he dishes out. Women objectify men in a different way, they focus on the men’s status (car he drives, his profession, his status, pretty well ignoring the physical attributes). How to deal with them, well they need to be setup to fall for these guys then… Read more »
Just the other day, a woman wrote an editorial piece in one of our bigger daily newspaper, about how “all the bitter men out there” should drop their misogyny and instead learn to master the art of giving oral sex (“licking p*ssy” as she matter-of-factly described it) in that to better find and maintain a girlfriend. There were a few raised eyebrows to the overall bitterness in the editorial, and one guy posted an Instagram invitation to her to come and evaluate his ability in the aforementioned area, as to what level further improvement were deemed necessary. She swiftly responded… Read more »
And its entitlement like that that has made gender relations into such a trainwreck these days. We are being told that girls/women should be free to say whatever they want free of consequence, response, responsibility, or accountability while boys/men must be trained to only say respectful things about women/girls and to do otherwise means that you hate the entire female gender. I’m willing to bet that the people who were outraged about that guy’s response don’t care what that woman said or care why men she was talking about were bitter. Nope girls/women are innocent victims of male oppression that… Read more »
Pretty much spot on, Danny.
@ FlyingKal
I thought pressuring someone into sex they didn’t want was you know rape or something.
The only thing a man like Donald Trump will take notice of is someone putting him in the poor house or (my favourite) hiting him as hard as you can upside the his fat head.
I remember being in the basement of a building. It was late at night and it was a dimly lit area and of course I wanted to get home. There was a woman waiting for the elevator. It came and I was a fair distance away, but I knew I could make it pretty easily. I could have waited for the elevator to return, but why. I ran the short distance and slipped through the doors before they closed. I pressed my button and immediately went to the back in the opposite corner from where she was standing. I could… Read more »
I am also tired of all these ‘rape culture’ articles, comparing rich Trump with all other ordinary men worldwide. Trump is always together with a lot of women, because he offers them a comfortable life with a lot of cash as beauty queen or social hostess and party girl and is introducing them to other rich men who are proving them with countless expensive gifts, like designer clothes or brand handbags and invites them to de-luxe travels and into party-life reserved for the high society. Interesting, these women never complain about being ‘unsafe’ as long as they active, they are… Read more »
Unfortunately. this “boys will be boys” attitude is so pervasively injected into our metropolitan-living youth-oriented society & culture, that it is essentially inescapable in public life. I’d love to give an all-inclusive list of all the facets by which it is promoted, but that would be impossible, so let’s just take Music for one. The suggestive lyrics of countless popular songs throughout time often place women in a vulnerable light. How about your name is: Janet & you got numerous calls from guys who went into a public bathroom & “found your number on the wall”? Or, maybe her name… Read more »
Interesting you mention Donald Trump, Bill Cosby and Clarence Thomas but left out Bill Clinton who admittedly exploited an intern and had several allegations (one which he paid out) against him.
I see. So now that momentum against Trump is useful all of a sudden men are needed and should be taking part of rallying against him and proving to women that we support equality? You want men to swoop in and protect women in order to prove that we are “real men” now that its useful to your desire to beat Trump? So in short you want to invoke traditional masculinity when its useful. Let me ask. What happens on Nov. 9 when Trump is beaten and Clinton gets into office? Will the support for men continue or will we… Read more »
We will continue to be t dreaded enemy. Hillary and her minions have said it point blank that the country is in bad shape BECAUSE of men. Her tainted views of “men” is compounded by a cheating husband that she stayed with for no other reason then to hang on to his coat tails further her political career.
So, O’Mally has adopted Browmiller’s idea that since rapists think that everyone rapes. Some are just better at getting away with it than others.
My question, where is your degree in criminal psycology O’malley? Can we please see your thesis?
8of 10
Harris O’Malley is a dating coach .
Might as well be an online psychic for all that matters.
So he has no idea what he is talking about?
I’m not sure why there are so many similar articles currently on GMP that seem to be exhorting men about ‘rape culture’ and the sexual abuse of women by men. Is this because of the current hysteria around Trump? It just seems as though there suddenly has to be lots of rather obvious articles challenging these appalling behaviours which I think are unnecessary as surely, given the readership it’s simply preaching to the converted. Why aren’t there more considered articles say on analysing the impact on men of Trump’s recent actions? Surely this would be more relevant. I’m more interested… Read more »
I know! I just looked at the front page of GMP after a couple weeks of being away, and it’s flooded with this stuff. It does feel like “preaching to the converted”. One part of my rant (below) that I left out is the constant call to arms for guys like me to stand up against “rape culture”. Lemme tell you what happens. If I see a guy threatening a woman with physical abuse in public, and try to intervene, the woman turns on me with “Do I *look* like some damsel in distress who needs a man to come… Read more »
Anthony, I’m horrified by your story which I’m sure is not unusual. I don’t know what to say except that I for one would be thankful for that kind of help. I’m sorry that some of my sisters don’t share my view. And isn’t this the point? That we somehow project all of our real and imagined pain onto the whole of the opposite gender indiscriminately.
Some are original articles while others are reblogs, such as this one. Combine the two, and every trending topic gets supersaturated with coverage. Nature of the beast, I’m afraid. I do agree that a scenario where a sexist troll finds himself reading GMP and, in a rush of epiphany, realizes the error of his ways is… unlikely at best. Maybe even hysterical. I would be interested in reading an account from a man who actually did challenge the denizens of those toxic environments and succeeded. Evangelizing is the easy part; bringing them into the fold is hard. Convincing a lifelong… Read more »
We would if we were not so often attacked in such ways as this article, Rosy. I initially came here because I thought that this was a place where guys could discuss their issues, where hurting men (because there truly is no other places) could come and express their pain, speak with other men to be encouraged and helped, but I’ve spent most of my time defending them from random writers expressing what I can only term paranoia, anger and hate. There have been many times when I’ve wanted to throw up my hands and just walk, but I’d feel… Read more »
I’m glad that you’ve not given up. I have been very moved by the pain of the men on GMP and warmed by the conversations between them. I’m slowly finding my way round the site and to the writers who share more of what is important to men. I’ve come across your writings now too and have enjoyed them. I’ve been fortunate in life to have had known many good men and enjoy their friendship but even so, I’ve been hurt by them too and so haven’t always listened and I know I need to and want to. Given what… Read more »
“… hysteria around Trump” Absolutely! His comments open the flood gates even more for this issue to be a bigger issue and an easy deterrant from bringing up the reality of the so called “rape culture.” Have you or anyone else seen anyone here at GMP confront the blatant sexuality presented through todays rap music? Instead, people like Kanye’s lude music is deemed as acceptable. how about “z-ro, Nelly, Bobby Digital, Willie D, Cadillac Don, Ghostface,Dr. Dre (Bitches aint shit”), Snoop dog )Aint no fun if homies Can’thave none), Ja Rule, N.W.A. (one less bitch), and Too $hort. Just to… Read more »
I’m not sure why there are so many similar articles currently on GMP that seem to be exhorting men about ‘rape culture’ and the sexual abuse of women by men. It gets ratings. It pays to equate all men with the absolute worst and then proclaim that you are better. It convinces women that they have no agency (aka responsibility) and it feeds off of men’s sense that they must prove themselves to women by protecting women. That’s a lot of clicks. It just seems as though there suddenly has to be lots of rather obvious articles challenging these appalling… Read more »
I noticed that there’s no “report post” here. I thought there used to be an option for that.
For the record, it’s “Tired of Rape Culture”‘s posts here that made me look for it.
Somebody needs to write a companion piece to this. About how women (and other men, and everything about our current culture) make men feel unsafe. I live in a world of constant fear, and walking on eggshells, as do most guys I know. As a man these days, I’m expected to bear all the sins of my gender against women, past and present. I have to be extremely careful in any interaction with women in my workplace, lest a misunderstanding (or malicious intent) leads to an HR complaint that ends my career. I have to be ready, any time I… Read more »
You know, part of what feminism is about is equality for everyone. Men are loaded up with a lot of bullshit, too–all that “be a man” and “grow a pair” stuff means that boys are taught to hide their emotions and that being themselves isn’t okay. That’s just as wrong as the crap women hear as they grow up. And it perpetuates rape culture and toxic masculinity–which means that everyone is scared and everyone hurts. I don’t doubt for a minute that what you’ve said here is true. And no real feminist would, because feminism is, as I said above,… Read more »
Now, do you care to discuss any of the bullshit notions of femininity that are harmful to men?
The irony here is you told DJ to talk to women and listen to their experiences right after telling him that women had been socialized to tell him (men) what he wants to hear.
Also that he said he did in fact speak to women about their experiences, but you dismissed that because they didn’t line up with what you were saying.
And yet he’s the “know it all”
Why do I get the feeling you use #maletears hashtag without a trace of self-awareness?
“…….because feminism is, as I said above, about breaking through the bullshit for *everyone* (which also applies to racism, homophobia, and any other oppressive belief system).”
Now THAT is the ultimate bullshit. Modern feminism is as much about this as communism was to bringing about freedom.
Bravo Anthony!!!
I love when men stand up for themselves. Until more men do this, we will continue to live on the plantations of women in this country. I have never seen a happy slave.
The part about the married men….Yes., it is true for a lot of men in this country. It is also why increasingly men want absolutely nothing to do with marriage any longer.
Your mind is free Anthony. That is the most important thing for a human being, man or woman.
Truth mixed with bullshit. The safest place for a woman in this country is standing next to a man. All one has to do is go out on the internet and look at one of those “set-up” videos of a man abusing a woman and watch men LEAP to her defense. Election year, keep the divide going, the fear in women to a peak. They are much easier to manipulate that way. Look around you. Do you see women cowering in fear as you go to the store, to work, or do you see women going about their business, knowing… Read more »
Wow–thanks for demonstrating exactly what the problem is, and how rape culture works. You’re a perfect example of what Harris is talking about, and you’re exactly the sort of person who scares me and most other women–and before you try to say that all the women you know just love you, I’m going to point out that WE ARE TRAINED TO KEEP YOU HAPPY from the moment we are born, as a matter of our own personal safety. Yes, ALL OF US. What we think is often obscured by our need to protect ourselves by appearing to placate you. Your… Read more »
Ah yes, the personal attack, as if I’ve not seen that from the radical progressive feminist a million times. Tactics 101, attack and paint the writer rather then address the writing… when you can’t defend your point. Talk to women? Married to one for 24 years, raised a daughter, have about 25 close female cousins, a number of female friends. I’ve been giving dating advice to women for near 25 years on message boards. In fact, if you had spewed this on one of those boards, it would not be the guys, but the women that would leap down your… Read more »
So because you know a bunch of women and *think* they all love you, because you’re obviously such a great guy even though you deny that we live in a culture that minimizes the impact of rape–from disbelieving survivors to letting entitled swimmers off the hook for a crime they were actually caught committing–you know more about what it’s like to be a woman than we do? I’m so glad you know how we all think and feel, far better than our own lived experience would say. Here’s a thought for you to consider: the comments I responded to were… Read more »
You’ve employed all the usual tactics from attacking me personally, to the dismissive catch phrases such as “mansplaining”, to accusation. You’ve twisted my words of contention to rape culture to declare that I don’t care about rape (hiding behind women rather than supporting your point). Through all of that, you’ve not put forth any proof that “rape culture” exists, while I have fully acknowledged that rape does exist. No proof beyond a few silly hashtags perpetuated by likeminded individuals, the type we usually role our eyes at. The entire goal is to avoid having to prove your argument, but to… Read more »
So, You haven’t noticed women on the streets, looking away from men? The tightness of expressions? There is a lot that you aren’t seeing, if you believe what you are saying.
I haven’t noticed it any more or less than at any point in the last 40 years or so that I’ve been watching human behaviour in public. Then again, I live in a Canadian city, and manage to get to Seattle once every few weeks. What part of the world are you noticing an increase? Just curious if maybe it’s regional or something…
@ Rick Siegert There must be something about me that women find soothing then. I could be on a crowed street and instead of asking a woman, women will stop me and ask for directions. Just a couple months ago I’m standing in a crowded building lobby and instead of asking a woman or asking the front desk (which is what I usually do) a woman asked me what the address of the building was. That doesn’t even count the times when women have asked for help digging out their cars or getting their batteries humped, etc. Ever consider that… Read more »
Yes. one time. a woman broken down on a rainy night, on a deserted road. she’d only roll down her window enough for me to slip my cell phone in so she could call her husband, and I can’t blame her in that case. I waited in my truck until he came. When he came, we got the car running, and she apologized. I told her not to because it was the smart thing to do. Other then that? Nope, Not where I live, because the men around here are not all rapist, but would protect women from that one… Read more »
Thank you for a marvelous essay! Growing up as a girl of 8 my ass was grabbed to often to mentions and by the time I
was 13 I was ogled at and cat called until men terrified me! Not boys mind you were doing that but grown men-
by the time I was in high school girls were regularly getting gang rapid by the football team at parties I was invited to but never attended. Our culture has played a don’t ask, don’t tell game on this shit for way to long!
Lost me right there. Regularly gang raped by the football team? Was that the same time the coach turned back into a pumpkin? I played sports my entire life, never seen anything even close to that, and if that happened it would be on the front page of every newspaper in the country. Yes, there are women that are assaulted, groped, but so to, especially today, are there men that get the same. I’ve been the “victim” of that many, many times. Why? because I was jacked, and those same dysfunctional women as the men who do so, could not… Read more »
And here you go denying another woman’s lived experience. Boy, your omniscience is impressive. Whatever would we do without you to tell us how wrong we are, oh Mighty Man?
“Occasionally, guys will ask me about how to make it easier for them to get laid. My answer is almost always the same: the way to make it easier to find people who are up for sex is to create a place where they can feel safe.” Only if the woman doesn’t want to have sex with you or isn’t sure if she does because she feels she needs an emotional attachment. The easiest way to have sex is to make it so women want to have sex with you, stay fit, watch and your grooming, then look for women… Read more »
It’s also an attack on women that seek ways to get laid, painting them into a corner, shaming them because they like sex. Being a well built guy in collage, there were women that could not wait to get into my pants, but hey, speaking that truth is misogynistic, consent only matters when it’s violated, not when women seek not to be boxed in as sexless creatures. We won’t talk about women that love sex as much as guys do, because that crush the victim stance. Nope, all virgins, all sex is rape, all men are potential rapist. Right? They… Read more »
“We won’t talk about women that love sex as much as guys do, because that crush the victim stance. Nope, all virgins, all sex is rape, all men are potential rapist. Right?” NO. Not right at ALL. Again, thanks for being a perfect example of rape culture in action. You’re probably right that no discussion will ensue, but it’s because you’re clearly not educable, not because there’s no argument against you. You know, I felt a lot better when I read this article, because it said to me that at least some guys out there get it. Thanks so much… Read more »
You enjoyed the article because it fed into your paranoia, but that is not reality (all men are rapist and all sex is rape).
I actually feel for you. Seek out the help you need to get past it.
Oh, Mighty Man, where would I be without you to tell me what I think? I just can’t imagine! Thank you so much for totally misreading my COMPLETE DISAGREEMENT with your “all men are rapists and all sex is rape” crap (hint: “NO! Not right at ALL!” was the first clue for the astute reader, but that would have meant you needed reading skills AND the willingness to stop condescending long enough to use them). I’m not paranoid, and you’re not qualified to diagnose me–and the fact that you feel free to just keeps showing us exactly what kind of… Read more »
We let female rapist “off the hook” far more than we do males. There is a situation right now where the rapist is claiming that classic, “he wanted it”, even stating that it was a “gift” to him. She is not being prosecuted at all, let alone off the hook. We have, right now, young boys as young as 14 paying child support to their rapist. Where is your outrage, that outrage that would be a hashtag if it was being done to young girls? There is a laundry list of women that have “raped” young boys, even pre-pubescent or… Read more »
@ DJ Roukan When I was younger, I didn’t have to work to get laid at least outside the gym and dojang. There was no need to have a relationship although sometimes a relationship of sorts was formed. There was one woman in particular who insisted on pretending that it was more than a booty call. Although I had a standing invitation to drop by her dorm room, she insisted on conversation before, some cuddling after, and sometimes required a “date”. It wouldn’t have been so bad, but she had no interests outside fashion, celebrity gossip, etc. or at least… Read more »