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The ABC show, A Million Things, has taken on the monumental task of tackling something you rarely see on television, men dealing with depression, suicide, and illness. The show starts with the suicide of the beloved friend, Jon Dixon (Ron Livingston) among a group of four long-term friends. Among his friends, Jon seemed to have the perfect life and was the one his friends could depend on to encourage them and provide support. Without a suicide note, no one understands how he reached the level of despair that caused him to take his own life.
His friends and wife are left with questions of how they missed the fact that their friend was suffering enough to commit suicide and the show proceeds from there exploring the aftermath and how they pick up the pieces while also revealing what was hidden in plain sight.
Actor, Romany Malco, plays a character named, Rome Howard, who is a successful Black commercial director with an equally accomplished wife. He has another seemingly ideal life. We meet Rome when he is standing at the kitchen with a mouth full of pills after writing his suicide note. His phone rings and he answers the call that tells him his beloved friend has just committed suicide and he spits out the pills.
Not only does this show tackle depression, mental illness and the aftermath of suicide in a thoughtful and challenging way, but it showcases a black man as he attempts to seek help for his own depression.
There is still a stigma in regards to depression, but there is an even greater bias against depression in, not only men, but men of color.
In one scene, Rome Howard meets with a therapist and describes his reluctance to accept his own suicide attempt and diagnosis of depression. Rome says, “There’s a part of me that feels like I shouldn’t be allowed to tell him that I need help. I should be stronger than that.“
In a poignant moment, the Black therapist responds, “Because you can’t be the reason you don’t make it. That’s how it works, right? You can’t be the one in your family who’s tapping out. It’s hard enough, between racism, gangs, police messing with us. You can’t be the reason you don’t make it. Am I right?”
But, even beyond race, I believe every man feels as though he has a duty to be stronger than depression.
According to WebMD, there are 6 million men living with Depression in the U.S. each year. While women also suffer from depression, according to the CDC, men are 3 to 4 more times likely to commit suicide. While women may attempt suicide more, men are more likely to die from suicide because they use more lethal methods such as a gun instead of overdosing on pills.
Why Are Men Suffering from Depression?
In our society, we expect men to hold in their feelings, not show their emotions and sacrifice their happiness for the bigger picture. They carry the burden of being successful. Men are expected to be in control and to be “tough”. But, they experience the same pitfalls and challenges as women.
Depression can be triggered by loss of a loved one, job loss, financial problems, major life changes, relationship difficulties, illness, and any of life’s stressful situations.
Women are allowed an emotional outlet. We can express our feelings, emotions and lean on our friends for our emotional needs. While male relationships do allow for some connection, it’s not at the same level of release as what women are allowed to experience.
The only place a man may feel comfortable experiencing his emotions may be with his spouse, lover or mother. And, that is only if she can handle his emotions.
Women request emotion from a man, but many still expect him to hold back some of his feelings to match our comfort-level in experiencing his emotional display. Women have received the same programming and image of how a man should behave. We can also carry toxic masculinity ideals.
Where does this leave men when they experience depression? Feeling alone and as if they are responsible to solve their own problems.
What are the Signs of Depression in Men?
Depression can affect anyone, men as well as women. However, women may present their depression in the form of sadness. When a man is depressed, we may expect he will show the same sadness, but a man may show more irritability and anger when he is experiencing Depression.
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, depression brings the following signs and symptoms:
- Feeling fatigued, sleeping too much or not sleeping enough.
- Loss of interest in things, lack of sexual desire.
- Overeating or loss of appetite.
- Physical aches, pains, headaches and digestion problems.
- Engaging in risky-activities, drugs, alcohol, unsafe sexual activity.
- Isolation, withdrawing from family, inability to meet responsibilities of work, home and other important activities.
- Suicidal thoughts and suicidal attempts.
- Feeling sad, hopeless or anxious and “on-edge”
Not every symptom has to be experienced, but many men will experience two or more symptoms.
What is Seasonal Affective Disorder?
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is recurring seasonal depression that starts in the late Fall through the Winter and ends in the Spring or Summer. There is less Vitamin D absorption from the Sun during the Fall and Winter months due to cloudy days and our skin is covered by coats and layers. The loss of Vitamin D can trigger a Depression.
A doctor can evaluate, diagnose and prescribe a replacement for the loss of Vitamin D and ease the depression.
Why is Treatment Delayed for Men?
Men may not even know they are depressed. They may not recognize their symptoms. And, even if they know something isn’t right, they may be reluctant to discuss it with anyone or to seek professional help.
Stigma may prevent men from getting the assistance they need. The belief that Depression is weakness may make it difficult to admit suffering.
Treatment is determined by a health professional after performing a complete history, diagnostics and, possibly, a referral to a mental health professional. Then, they will prescribe an individual plan that may consist of medication, therapy or a combination of both.
If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, it’s essential to seek help. Talk to a health professional or a trusted professional.
Seek the support you need and deserve:
Call 800-273-8255 or Text: 741741
Help yourself: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/help-yourself
Help someone else: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/help-someone-else
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