Respecting somebody’s boundaries, on the other hand, is a mark of respect as well as social calibration. The guy who shows respect is someone who’s going to have far greater success with women.
____
Something that I see a lot of people struggle with when and how it’s appropriate to approach and hit on women. When you’re relatively socially inexperienced, it can feel like tip-toeing through a minefield; if you don’t know what you’re doing, you often run the risk of being creepy by accident. There’s that constant feeling that you’re just one misplaced emoji away from being exiled to the Island of Unfuckable Boys, there to live out your life in monklike celibacy, forever mourning your stillborn love life.
In reality, it’s not quite as complicated or difficult to not be creepy as people make it seem. And as it turns out, the universe conspired to provide us all with another shining example of what not to do.
Last week, former Mugglecast podcaster and Feminspire.com co-founder Ben Schoen attempted to proposition Buzzfeed writer Grace Spelman – first on Twitter,
then he tweeted these at me and they both went unanswered pic.twitter.com/FIL0aPl1SK
— Grace ~Spell~man (@GraceSpelman) August 17, 2015
then again on Facebook.
Then he moved to Facebook. I politely told him I was seeing someone and then blocked him on FB & Twitter pic.twitter.com/k84dCJ3OrT — Grace ~Spell~man (@GraceSpelman) August 17, 2015
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When she rejected him, he – to put it mildly – lost his shit.
Here is where he started to get angry. He then tweeted these at me: pic.twitter.com/NJDop6VZ1E
— Grace ~Spell~man (@GraceSpelman) August 17, 2015
Over the course of the week, Schoen’s behavior has actually provided a handy set of examples of the mistakes many people make when approaching women. So with this recent event in mind, allow me to provide you with an all-purpose guide to the right way to approach women – whether in person or online – without being creepy.
When It’s OK To Approach Women (Or: Consider the Social Context)
One of the complaints I hear all the time from men who struggle with dating is that they feel that any attempt to approach women is automatically creepy. They hear the various horror stories about guys being labeled as creepy for trying to hit on women at cons or approaching women they see on the bus or on the train or trying to slide into their DMs and then lament that there are no acceptable ways for men to hit on women any more. Almost every time a woman shares a story about just trying to get through their commute or catch up on their reading during their lunch hour, there’s a host of men complaining about how this isn’t fair to their dicks. Ignoring the fact that most people don’t meet their significant others through cold approaching randos on the bus or train, the key to knowing when it’s ok to approach women is to consider the social context of the situation. At any given time, there are generally accepted rules that define what behavior is considered acceptable and appropriate for the situation. The social context of being at church, for example, demands radically different behavior than being at a nightclub. When your behavior goes against the accepted social context, then you end up making people uncomfortable. You’re incongruent with the location and that can be incredibly creepy to people; it tells others that you either don’t understand the rules that govern what is and isn’t acceptable or you don’t care. Someone who doesn’t care that it’s not appropriate to yank a book out of somebody’s hands or pull the earbuds out of her ears is sending the signal that they may well not worry about little things like “consent” either. By that same token, there are times and places where the social context says that says that it’s acceptable to approach a stranger and that a person’s presence is a general acceptance of the social contract. These places include:
- Most bars and clubs
- Parties
- Classes
- Work
- Meet-ups
- Online dating sites (This does not include Facebook or Twitter.)
This is, obviously, not an exhaustive list and there are variables that can affect what behavior is and isn’t appropriate; the same behavior that’s appropriate at a club is creepy as hell at work. But learning to navigate the subtleties of these rules is part of developing your social calibration. And speaking of which:
Consider Your Skill Level
Whenever we talk about times when it’s not appropriate to approach or hit on women, people will inevitably bring up someone they know – either personally or friend-of-a-friend – who broke “the rules” successfully. The fact that “they” did it (for suitably vague definitions of “they”), then clearly it should be open to everyone, no? Er… no. That’s not how things work. As I’m always saying, being good with women is a skill and some people are going to be more skilled than others. The fact that Michael Jordan can pull off an astounding dunk doesn’t mean that anyone who plays basketball can; similarly, the fact that somebody was able to pick up a woman while on the bus or walking down the street doesn’t mean that everyone should give it a shot. The more socially calibrated and experienced you are, the more you can pull off; people who’re more socially calibrated are better at reading the social context, picking up on the other person’s signs and knowing how – if necessary – to extract themselves if things go badly. Someone who is socially well-calibrated can get away with more than someone less calibrated because they have a better sense of where the line is and how close they can get without going over. The less experienced you are, the less advisable it is to try to take on riskier1 approaches; the odds are against you and you can end up making yourself seem creepy when you don’t intend to. A 5th level paladin isn’t going to survive going through the Tomb of Horrors and somebody who doesn’t have much social experience is better off sticking to accepted social spaces to approach women. This is one of the areas where Schoen seriously falls down. Pushing and pushing for Spelman to respond to him, switching social media platforms when she wouldn’t respond to him on the previous one? This is someone who’s demonstrating poor social calibration; he’s getting a very obvious brush-off and keeps trying anyway. The almost obsequious fawning in the message on Facebook makes it even more clear that this isn’t going to go anywhere good; sucking up isn’t a good look on anyone. So how do you gauge what’s likely out of your level? It’s going to be an inexact process at best; it’s not as though grinding in bars gives you 120 XP per hour that culminates with your hitting the cap as a level 80 Pick-Up Artist. As a general rule, the more successes you have – getting working phone numbers, first dates, second dates – the more risks you can reasonably take. If you’re still struggling to get that first date, then you’re better choosing lower-risk, lower-investment approaches like meeting people through your social circle. Just remember: being well-calibrated and socially successful doesn’t mean that you’re guaranteed success; everybody has off days and some people will just not like you no matter what. While there are obviously no hard and fast classifications, this list should serve as a decent rule of thumb. Dating 101 – Online dating, warm approaches, meeting friends of friends, parties Dating 201 – Cold approaches at bars and clubs, some low-key, low-investment daytime approaches (bookstores, coffee shops, comic stores, etc.) Dating 301 – More advanced daytime approaches (the mall, the gym, grocery stores) Dating 401 – Street approaches, public transit, etc. Notice how Facebook and Twitter aren’t on there? There’s a reason for that: it’s a fucking stupid idea.
Don’t Assume A Level Of Intimacy You Don’t Have
One of the hard and fast rules of dating and not being creepy is recognizing that everybody has boundaries and those boundaries are flexible; some people have greater levels of access to us than others because we have different levels of intimacy with them. One of the keys of what makes somebody creepy is very simple: creepers assume a greater level of intimacy than actually exists. A close friend might get away with an impromptu hug or a playful ass-grab; an acquaintance or total stranger who tries to pull the same move would get a surprise visit from the Slap Fairy. People who assume (or try to take) a greater level of intimacy than they actually have are creepy because they’re ignoring your boundaries. In the case of Ben Schoen’s attempt at wooing of Grace Spelman, he assumed a far greater level of intimacy than actually existed; the only contact they had was that she friended him on Facebook when she was fourteen. For nine years, they had no contact; they never interacted on Facebook or Twitter until he tweeted at her out of the blue. The first message was relatively innocuous, but the ones that followed became weren’t – he was making the kind of jokes-but-not-really that assume a greater level of familiarity between the two than actually existed. Two people who had at least a passing relationship online might get away with tweets like “For my birthday, I want @gracespelman to follow me back”; from a complete stranger, that’s just unsettlingly creepy. Approaching people you don’t know and have no connection to means that you have to behave accordingly. Tracking them down on social media, randomly texting them (when they didn’t give you their number) or proclaiming your undying devotion for them when you don’t actually know each other are all examples of assuming excess levels of intimacy. So does trying to escalate things physically (demanding a hug, trying to put your arm around someone you’ve just met, etc.) or turning the topic to sex when it’s not wanted or warranted. Respecting somebody’s boundaries, on the other hand, is a mark of respect as well as social calibration. It shows you that you value their comfort and respect their social, emotional and physical safety. The guy who shows respect (and let’s be clear: there’s a difference between respect and being a suck-up) is someone who’s going to have far greater success with women. Why? Because women will feel comfortable and secure around them. Not sure if something’s off limits? Ask. It may be a little awkward, but a touch of awkwardness is easy to recover from; creeping somebody out, on the other hand, dries out panties faster than a tumble dryer set to “high”. One of the things you need to keep in mind: people are able to set their boundaries wherever and whenever they like. It’s not simply a matter of being attractive or unattractive; the hot guy can be creepy as hell while the gaunt, bug-eyed chain-smoker gets ass like a drunk at a livestock auction with a stolen credit card. But even if they do decide that the hotter guy gets permission for greater intimacy, that’s their decision. Insisting that it’s not fair or that you “deserve” equal access is entitled and creepy as hell. In fact, while we’re on the subject…
You Aren’t Entitled To Anything
If you want to make sure you don’t cross the line from “cool” to “creepy,” you need to recognize that women don’t owe you anything. This includes an explanation as to why they rejected you or even a response. This is doubly true if you don’t have any sort of actual social connection to this person. If you’re a complete stranger coming up to them in a bar or messaging them on OKCupid, they have absolutely no obligation to so much as acknowledge that they received your email. Is this rude? Yeah, it can be. But politeness isn’t the same thing as obligation, and insisting that people owe you a smile, a reply or a date implies that you somehow have authority over them and that your wants cancel out their autonomy. Once again, this is boundary-pushing behavior; by insisting that you are somehow “owed” something, you are saying that the other person does not have the right to decide their own actions or responses. If you already are demanding things of strangers – even something as relatively innocuous as a smile or a “hi” back – you’re establishing a precedent where you expect more of your desires to be reciprocated, regardless of whether the other person is interested or not. To give an example, after Spelman had blocked him on Facebook and Twitter, Schoen emailed her directly:
Then last night he sent me this email: pic.twitter.com/2wM0t0P3tl — Grace ~Spell~man (@GraceSpelman) August 17, 2015
Everything about that email reeks of entitlement and a belief that Spelman is somehow required to justify her actions to him. The pseudo noblesse oblige of “I could have put you in your place with my stinging retort but I chose not to,” only heightens the disconnect reality that makes Schoen’s behavior creepy. It even carries an implied, if somewhat impotent2threat that he oh-so-generously decided not to follow through on… but he totally could have.
Another factor to keep in mind is that meeting basic standards like “not being a rapist” or being a “good guy” doesn’t entitle you to a woman’s time or attention. Similarly, your various accomplishments, however impressive they might be, don’t create an obligation for someone to bow to your whims. You want somebody to give you the time of day when you approach them? Be someone worth talking to. Be interesting. Be charming. Be respectful. Demanding a response just because you’ve paid what you think was a compliment isn’t respectful, it’s being a douchebag and it’s creepy. It demonstrates that you weren’t interested in just paying a compliment, you were really making demands on her time and attention. That sort of behavior is a distinct turnoff and makes sex disappear like dust in the wind.
Accept Rejection With Grace
Hard truth time: you’re going to get rejected. Everybody does, no matter how hot or how skilled they may be. You could be rejected for a multitude of reasons which could range from your saying something wrong to the moon being in the wrong house for her to date right now. At the end of the day, the reason for your being rejected doesn’t matter; it just means that for whatever reason, the two of you were not going to work out. It’s on you to accept that rejection with grace and aplomb.
Why? Because people who’re able to handle rejection well ultimately get rejected less. Being able to take rejection and not letting it either destroy you or turn you into a red-pill-fueled rage monster is a mark of emotional intelligence and higher levels of emotional intelligence correspond directly with greater dating success. Someone who realizes that one rejection isn’t the end of the world? That’s somebody with confidence and self-assurance. He may be single now, but he won’t be single for very long.
Accepting rejection with grace means, among other things, recognizing and accepting soft “no’s” – those attempts to soften the blow of the rejection by couching them in terms that make it seem like it’s less their choice and more just an unfortunate inevitability that’s nobody’s fault. When someone says that they’re not interested in dating right now or other attempts at deflection, they don’t mean “try again later”; they expect you to mentally append a silent “you” in that sentence. Don’t worry about missing your window; if someone is genuinely interested in dating you and it really is circumstance getting in the way, they will make sure you know.
Similarly, no response – such as when your online dating emails go unanswered – is a response. It’s just not the response you wanted.
The best thing you can do if you get rejected is to simply move on. If they tell you no, then say “Ok, thanks. Best of luck to you!” and look for someone who digs what you have to offer. If you get no reply at all… shrug your shoulders and move on; there’s no profit in trying to provoke a response and pushing more will turn that “no” into a “FUCK OFF”.
The worst thing you can do? Make a fuss. Get pissy with the person who rejected you. Demand answers, explanations or just straight up start insulting them. Now I get it. You’re hurt. Your ego’s stung and you’re going into defensive mode to try to get yours back. Trust me: nobody’s going to be impressed by your turning around and calling the other person fat, ugly, slutty or a bitch, especially when you were begging for their number earlier. At best, you’re justifying their reasons for rejecting you in the first place. At worst… well, you realize screenshots exist, right?
Nobody ever looks good having a post-rejection freak out at somebody. Just witness Shoen’s “BURN IT ALL AND PISS IN THE ASHES” response on Twitter for the last two weeks. The standard “HA HA, YOUR HATE ONLY MAKES ME STRONGER” posturing is part and parcel of the “you can’t reject me, I’m rejecting YOU and also you’re fat and smell funny” gambit, where you pretend that you’re above it all as you flame out, only to rise from the ashes like a fedora-bedecked phoenix with a mighty cry of “M’lady!”
You don’t want to be that guy. It’s uber-creepy. It’s a sign that you’re just not ready to date anyone.
But the guy who has the confidence to let rejection slide, to feel the sting but not let it destroy him? Who can take a rejection with grace? He’s the one who’s going to succeed in the long run. You may not get that particular woman… but other women will notice these things. They pay attention. And a guy who can avoid being creepy, who can show respect? Someone who’s fun and socially well-calibrated? That’s the kind of man women like.
_____
This article originally appeared on Paging Dr. NerdLove. Reprinted with permission
Photo credit: Getty Images
Not sure if this comment posted – I might have un-pasted something.
Men will never be able to please women so maybe we should avoid each other. It’s not worth the stress.
That’s already starting to happen.
Men never wanted and never will want to please women in any way. And no, unfortunately men just won’t let women leave in peace, safely.
Entitlement goes both ways. Women do not owe men sex just as we do not owe them anything such as unpaid labor, transportation, protection from their own bad decisions, engagement rings, or listening to their personal problems when they are dating someone else. If a man rejects a woman she is not owed an explanation any more than he is.
And men don’t owe you an approach so how does the dynamic change if women viewed that as a gift rather than an irritation? Then when she turns 40 it’s men are only interested in young women as if men should be interested in women in their 40s as if any one or any thing other than the individual man has any right to decide what he “should” be interested in.
Wes, it’s interesting to me that you were only able to think of one thing women don’t owe men (sex), but your list of grievousness about what men don’t owe women is longer. Especially the ‘protection from their own bad decisions”…as if that’s not something women also do for men. Do you believe that sex is the only thing women give men? Entitlement is one thing. Treating people with basic respect is another. We may be tipping over onto the other side of the line by making all encompassing statements that no one ‘owes’ anyone anything. An “I don’t owe… Read more »
@ Erin “We may be tipping over onto the other side of the line by making all encompassing statements that no one ‘owes’ anyone anything.” I’ve been thinking about this myself. My frustration with these articles is that at least on this site these articles tend to go one of two ways. They discuss things men should do (essentially owe) women or assert that women owe men nothing. If you get down to it, I think there are things owed to a person. Respect and honesty probably would go without argument. Depending on your relationship, I would argue that even… Read more »
Erin, both sides need to lose the entitlement mentality if we are going to make any progress. As for protection from their own bad decisions, If a woman gets drunk in public and starts a fight or passes out on the sidewalk I am not stepping in to “rescue” her from her behavior. If she passes out in the street I will go as far as to pull her to the sidewalk so she won’t get run over. You may not want to admit it, but there are women who use sex as a bargaining tool, and if men ever… Read more »
I don’t think women getting drunk in public and picking fights is something that happens a lot. And they happen a lot in your situations, you may want to think that one over. On the other hand, men feeling entitled to women’s bodies happens all the time. YOu may want to check out the instagram account @ByeFelipe. Where average normal sounding guys who in the beginning sound pretty decent but once they get rejected start abusing women verbally and wishing physical abuse upon them. Or check out the tumblr account “when women refuse.” The sad thing is that most women… Read more »
@ Erin
Entitlement to a person’s body can take many forms. Men may feel more sexually entitled, but I’ve seen more women resort to violence and have that socially accepted. I’ve also seen a lot more women use “platonic” touch. This is also a lot more socially acceptable than if a man did it, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t entitlement. It’s simply entitlement enforced by society. Why is there even an assumption that when a woman uses “platonic” touch, it’s actually platonic and she doesn’t get some sexual gratification from it?
@ Erin, Thanks for the Tumblr “When Women Refuse” link. I spent about 45 mins reading some of these. Wow! Honestly, I always thought of these things as “isolated” events. What is most shocking is how young some of the women were who experienced the abuse. Do you think if those men were more emotionally intelligent things would have gone differently? The guy who killed the four kids, one being his blood and the others step children, clearly had issues. I am trying to discern just how much of this is entitlement vs lacking emotional intelligence.. Thanks for the source.… Read more »
John – I don’t understand what you mean when you say women use platonic touch. Could you explain this further for me? Jules – Thank you for taking a look at the sites I referenced. Honestly, I would be more then happy to read similar links that articulate men’s experiences when they felt violated but I don’t know where to find those. I do think if these men were more emotionally intelligent, things would go differently. But I think growing your emotional intelligence means having to be honest with yourself about your own faults and a lot of people struggle… Read more »
Jules..by the way, you don’t need an Instagram account to see ByeFelipe… I think that ByeFelipe will shock you as well at the kind of things some men are regularly saying to women via technology.
The whole “not on a bus, train, plane” is the one that I hate the most. It’s not even about interest in dating/sex/whatever. The person sitting next to you might have the most amazing story to tell, and you’ll never hear it because social conventions have rendered the metro as quiet as a tomb. As I’ve gotten older, it’s actually become one of favorite parts of traveling overseas – it’s become borderline taboo for us to interact with people we don’t know outside of a few rigidly structured environments. I often don’t care for the tone of Nerdlove, PhD’s stuff,… Read more »
“It’s important to learn to be rejected with grace… ”
The key is to understand that your self worth isn’t tied to her acceptance or rejection.
(I wish we could use bold or italics for emphasis -_-)
(I wish we could use bold or italics for emphasis -_-)
Yeah, me too… 🙂
I will try to explain, not sure how it will show up on the page, thou…
@D
Any piece of text you’d like to emphasize with bold, is preceded with “less-than-sign”, letter b,”greater-than-sign”. (3 signs in total, no commas, space or anything)
The piece of text is then terminated with “less-than-sign”,”slash”, letter b,”greater-than-sign”. (4 signs in total)
The problem is, if I write it out, it will automatically be altered by the browser. But I try like this:
Use bold for emphasis. (without spaces), or
“less-than”b”greater-than” Use bold for emphasis.”less-than”,”slash”b”greater-than”
To emphasize with italics, replace the b’s with i’s.
Good luck /K.
Thanks for giving the formatting tip in writing FlyingKal,
Just wondering…
Does it work if you combine the two?
Not sure.
Maybe. Thanks anyway.
“You may not get that particular woman… but other women will notice these things ”
And of course you should be satisfied with any woman. Really, why shouldn’t I be creeped out that women who I may or may not be interested in notice me?
As a feminist ally website I have a problem with the whole concept of TGMP posting articles about men approaching women they don’t know. It’s just adds to the confusion people have about feminism. It’s like the idea that having sex with a drunk woman is rape, but having sex with a woman who has been drinking is OK. At least recommend carrying around a portable breathalyzer for those so inclined for the latter. Personally I think a guy is an idiot for doing either. When can we flip the cultural script? How about we just label all unknown approaches… Read more »
I do like to say that having women choose their mates (or really just running the show in general) has worked out extremely well for the spotted hyena. We could probably learn a few things, ya know.
“You Aren’t Entitled To Anything”
Who ever said women did?
Correction,
I meant to say,
“No one ever said we men were entitled to a damn thing”
Actually, a common experience some women seem to have are men who get angry at them for rejecting them. I’ve experienced myself. There are men who get beligerant and insult you even when you simply tell them, “I don’t think we’d be a good match.” Then you get called four letter names and tell you no one will ever love you or they start to insult your looks and stuff of that nature. I think part of that issue is that from the time boys are small boys, they are basically served sexy young women on a platter who are… Read more »
Erin, in an earlier conversation you wanted to know why men harassed waitresses at places like Hooters, and the plain truth is there is no good answer. As Patrick Swayze said in Roadhouse, you have” Too many power drinkers, overage adolescents and trustees of modern chemistry.” All people who have impulse control problems to begin with. I don’t go to bars anymore because I got tired of being around drunk idiots, especially the ones looking for a fight. I never said harassment was right, but it happens. If you are working somewhere where it is constant, time to find another… Read more »
Wes – You might not be saying that harassment is right, but you are not exactly saying it’s wrong either. Each time we’ve discussed this issue you’ve tried to refocus it back to what the people who are getting harassed should be doing instead of discussing how we help those who are actually doing the harassing. You rather talk about how the people getting harassed should be changing their behavior instead of the people actually doing the truly crappy behavior and that makes no sense to me. I don’t think the guy above in the article that harassed the woman… Read more »
Erin, you want easy answers and I don’t have any. I don’t know why some harass and others don’t. Just like I don’t know why someone shoots up a school or is a racist. Why do some people commit suicide when others with the same problems choose to live? My father used to tell me that sometimes the smartest thing you can say is, “I don’t know.”
I don’t pretend to have all the answers.
@ Erin “Wes – You might not be saying that harassment is right, but you are not exactly saying it’s wrong either. Each time we’ve discussed this issue you’ve tried to refocus it back to what the people who are getting harassed should be doing instead of discussing how we help those who are actually doing the harassing. ” One more thing about “platonic” touch is that many men feel harassed. One guy felt it was an attempt at manipulation. Another thought it was a violation of personal space. To me I feel it’s a violation. It’s a demand for… Read more »
Wes, I want easy answers? I’ve never been accused of that in my entire life. And I respectfully disagree that that is the case here. I think my response to this topic has conveyed several nuances that are sensitive to the complexity of the issue. Especially since I have not attacked the actual men who are doing the lashing out, or suggested that they were a sum of their behavior in these situations. And I have said that fixing this issue does just as much for these men, as it would these women. Infact, fixing this issue would actually help… Read more »
@ Erin
It probably doesn’t make it any better, but the reaction isn’t normally from a place of entitlement. It’s from a place of hurt. Some guys (some people) react to this by trying to hurt back. I’ve had women call me gay for turning them down. When people try to hurt you they’ll go after something easy for a woman her looks or a man his masculinity. It also might be an ego booster. If a person is gay then they stay desirable.
I certainly agree that these people are hurting John. But hurting alone does not warrant that reaction or lashing out and harassing. People who act out like that are experiencing more then hurt. They feel like they didn’t get something they were owed/deserved. Heck, I’ve been rejected and it hurts but I don’t lash out at the person. Hurt is a normal emotion to being rejected. But to react in a way that allows one to attack or harass a person because of that hurt, there is something else going on there. And I do think that something else is… Read more »
@ Erin I agree that there is something else at play and it certainly has to do with getting a result that was undesired, but people get angry and sometimes violent over things outside a relationship and I don’t hear these things classified as entitlement. That doesn’t mean that these things shouldn’t be classified as entitlement. Maybe it’s because a woman is just as likely to curse when her car doesn’t start or pound on her washing machine as a man that we don’t consider it entitlement or at least won’t call it that. I think there is a feeling… Read more »
Emotions can always be nuanced an layered. I can see helplessness and fear also being emotions one feels. That does not diminish my perspective that there is an issue in our culture around entitlement toward women, their bodies, their sexuality and their autonomy and that it’s contributing to situations where men are lashing out at the woman that rejected them. I mean, lets be honest and sincere here. A primary fantasy device in male sexual entertainment is that women do everything for the pure, happiness, joy and pleasure of men and they are nothing but happy to do it. When… Read more »
John Anderson, the ignorant one who believes homosexuality hurts one’s “masculinity”.
@ Erin, I have to believe you Erin. I am not a woman so I cannot walk in your shoes. I have also heard it from other women as well. That kind of behavior is indeed wrong. Check out this Joe Pesci Snicker commercial from a few years ago. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gThACQaUldA You know I think it is normal for people to have emotional reactions to being rejected. It could be a job, a promotion, business transaction, etc. The key difference is they usually do not call those who passed on them names. Who in their right mind is going to call… Read more »
@ Jules
As much as Erin may wish to make it just about men, it isn’t. There are many instances of women who’ve murdered men for ending relationships. There are different ways to turn someone down and I for one won’t accept an stronger emotional attachment as an excuse for violence.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3199243/Jilted-lover-killed-lawyer-boyfriend-dumped-Miss-Ohio-sentenced-40-years-jail.html
“Prosecutors said Arias planned the murder in a jealous rage after Alexander dumped her.”
http://nypost.com/2015/01/14/jodi-arias-admits-to-killing-boyfriend-after-day-of-rough-sex/
https://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=266&dat=19590716&id=2-YrAAAAIBAJ&sjid=MGcFAAAAIBAJ&pg=2999,1246581&hl=en
I myself received scratches from a woman I broke up with who tried to claw my eyes out. Just saying. It’s dangerous for men to say no as well.
“Many as in extremely rare compared to men killing women”
If anyone reacts to your polite or impolite rejection with anger then they are showing significant signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Run, don’t walk away.
We were just treated to a similar piece. Not even a week ago.
https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/how-to-avoid-creeping-her-out-dont-be-one-pksl
Jules, at first I thought you were referring to this similar piece from July by the OP’s author, but no-
https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/how-to-not-be-creepy-kt/
Actually, unless I’m mistaken it looks like the OP itself is a bit dated- it refers to an incident from “last week” as ‘August 17’ – It’s been more than a month and half now since “last week” – but I guess the oldies off the hit parade never go out of style… can’t wait for the Thanksgiving-themed version of this we’re bound to get from Harris next month…
“Just witness Shoen’s…”
Am I supposed to know who that is?
@ 8ball,
I have to give it to you..You actually read his verbose and long-winded ramblings attacking men.
Well, as a “former Mugglecast podcaster and Feminspire.com co-founder” I assume just about everybody are REQUIRED to know who he is…
To Editors:
Why do you continue to subject the men on this site to such pieces?
Why not run a piece for women (yes I know it is a site for men) on how to stop creep shaming men!!!
Haha, do you think they would? Creepshaming apparently doesn’t exist, cuz women would never lie about it or bully people……
“cuz women would never lie about it or bully people…” That sounds like a huge negative generalization Archy. I thought you hated those.
Erin
Actually, from what I saw Archy is speaking against a generalization. The sugar and spice and everything nice that’s what a girl is made of they can and will never do anything wrong or cause any harm generalization.
John – You don’t speak out against generalizations buy making other generalizations in their place. That would make no sense. And saying, albeit sarcastically, “cuz women would never lie about it or bully people…” is infact a very clear generalization Archy is making about women as a whole. Now me? I actually don’t personally have any issue with the generalization because yes, women can lie and bully people, of course. But *HE* himself has been critical of others (not just me, but other posters as well) about not qualifying things. He actually gets rather beligerant about this topic. And it… Read more »
I think it’s mostly because once a blogger has contributed several well-received (or at least well-clicked-on) articles, s/he is more or less given carte blanche to reblog. You can skim through articles sorted by author and get a sense of that pattern. 9/10 of what Paul Hudson via Elite Daily writes is clickbait garbage, but 1/10 is enough for a foot in the door.