Before departing for the Trojan War, Odysseus leaves his son Telemachus in the care of his old friend Mentor.
Years later, when Telemachus is around 20, Mentor guides him in the search for his lost father and his true heritage.
It is from Homer’s mythological tale, The Odyssey, that we get the word mentor, which now means an experienced and trusted advisor.
The Mentor’s Role in a Young Man’s Life
In The Hero with a Thousand Faces, mythologist Joseph Campbell illuminates how the hero, reluctant to engage in his quest, often meets a protective figure with supernatural aid.
Characters like Merlin, Gandalf, Yoda, Morpheus, and Dumbledore in stories personify this mentor role. This figure provides a magical amulet or sage-like advice the hero will need along the journey.
The hero represents the person on his journey to mature adulthood. The mentor can’t resolve the hero’s growth tensions; he can only guide individuals so they can resolve them.
The Morpheus character articulates his role as mentor to Neo in the film The Matrix: “I can only show you the door. You’re the one who has to walk through it.”
This “wise old man” archetype lives in each of us. But it usually remains dormant. In King Warrior Magician Lover, authors Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette explain that ritual elders are necessary to help boys transition into men.
Moore and Gillette write, “The ritual elder is the man who knows the secret wisdom, who knows the ways of the tribe and the closely guarded men’s myths. He is the one who lives out of a vision of mature masculinity.”
A critical role of the ritual elder is to bless the next generation. According to Moore and Gillette, the absence of ritual elders in modern society is one of the primary reasons so many of us fail to reach mature masculinity.
The mentor’s role is perhaps the closest thing we have to ritual elders. Embedded throughout any thriving organization or family, you’ll find compassion mentors supporting the development of those around them.
Here are the 4 Keys to Becoming an Effective Mentor
#1: Be a guide, not an instructor.
An instructor tells you what to do. A guide provides moral support, but only advises when appropriate—like when you know the person is going in the wrong direction.
Each person makes his or her own decisions. Accountability lies within each of us. No one knows what’s best for another human being. A mentor oversteps his bounds when he assumes otherwise.
#2: Give the mentee space.
Your role as mentor is not to keep the mentee from failing. Failure is a part of growth. It is also an essential part of learning. When people feel unsure of themselves, as we all do on our path to mature development, they sometimes need encouragement.
But other times, we need to space to process the emotions from our experiences. Care for another, if left unchecked, can sprout a co-dependent relationship that doesn’t support the growth and development of another human being. Beware of overcrowding. Your supportive presence is often all that’s required.
#3: Become an active listener.
Avoid planning your response while a mentee is explaining an issue even if you think you know the solution. Learn to stay present with the mentee. Remember that you don’t know what’s best for your mentee. Asking thoughtful questions and then intentionally listening can help a person process and arrive at their own conclusions.
Deep listening requires us to not just listen to words but to pay attention to feelings too. Plus, when you have advice or suggestions to offer, your mentees will be more receptive to listening once they feel you understand them.
#4: Lead by example.
You earn the respect of your mentee not by what you say—or even your rank and title—but by how you show up each day.
Humans don’t adapt new behaviors by listening to words or lectures. We model our behavior by observing the behavior of others. This adaptation often happens subconsciously; the individual isn’t aware they are adopting someone else’s behavior. This subconscious influence illuminates the responsibility we have to others in our guidance. We have to be the example we want to see in others. Your commitment to improvement will inspire a profound willingness to develop in your mentee.
Calling All Mentors
Mentoring is a role each of us plays in supporting and uplifting the whole—all of us. The more you sharpen your mentoring skills, the more positive influence you can have on others.
This article was originally published on scottjeffrey.com.
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