Transcript provided by YouTube (unedited)
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how do you feel confident if you don’t
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feel attractive
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it’s one of the
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common problems among so many people is
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that i really don’t
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i don’t look in the mirror and think
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that i’m hot i don’t think that i’m sexy
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i don’t think that i’m desirable so how
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am i supposed to feel confident and then
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i’m told that being confident is what
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makes me attractive but i don’t feel
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confident because i don’t feel
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attractive so i get into this negative
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loop that i don’t know how to break out
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of i
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like to think of confidence as split
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into a distinction there’s
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self-acceptance
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which is accepting us ourselves for who
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we are today what we look like
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our limitations our body shape our face
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our hair the things that we are and have
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right now and then there’s self-esteem
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and self-esteem is different from
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self-acceptance because self-esteem is
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the things we do that make us
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proud of ourselves self-acceptance is
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really just saying
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what
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ingredients am i working with right now
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those are my ingredients i’m not going
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to wish for others it’s pointless to
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wish for other ingredients these this is
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my face this is my body this is my life
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this is the age i am this is where i am
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right now in my life self-acceptance is
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the stopping of
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wishing for other people’s ingredients
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or a different life and instead just
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accepting a radical acceptance
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of
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my life and me the real art of our lives
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comes from how good of a chef we are
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not wishing for different ingredients
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but going how great of a chef
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could i be i don’t get to work with
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different ingredients i have to work
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with the ingredients i have but how
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interesting of a meal could i whip up
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with these ingredients today this year
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in the next decade of my life that to me
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is exciting that to me is the art of our
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lives and then doing the hard things
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that enable us to make the most of those
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ingredients and that’s where we begin
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building self-esteem and like i said
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self-esteem to me is distinct from
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self-acceptance because self-esteem
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can
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only be borne out of
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doing
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hard things
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pushing against resistance in ways that
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make us
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proud of ourselves the things that build
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character the things that reveal
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character now how is all of this tied to
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looking in the mirror and feeling
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unattractive i believe
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that we put more and more focus on the
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superficial aspects of our worth
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when we don’t feel we’ve built the
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deeper ways of being worthy when we
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haven’t done the things that make us
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proud because at a certain point when
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we’re going out and living our life and
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and doing difficult things
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making ourselves proud and i don’t mean
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in terms of outside achievement i’m not
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talking about acquiring wealth or fancy
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houses or anything like that you can
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have it in the silent battles that you
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overcome within yourself i’m proud of me
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that i did that difficult thing this
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week or that i’ve achieved that goal
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this year i’ve made myself proud if for
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whatever reason superficially i don’t
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live up to your ideal of what you want
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me to be that’s okay
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but ultimately
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you’re not even seeing me on the terms
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that i want to be seen so you’re not for
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me are we going to have moments in life
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where we go oh that sucks you know i
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lost my hair oh that sucks this happened
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of course you can have those those
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disappointments along the way but
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but when you’ve built self-esteem
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there’s always something deeper that’s
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driving you forward that’s driving your
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value i’m i’m so proud of me this kind
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of seems ridiculously superficial in
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comparison to the things that i’m proud
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of me for my essence is is just so much
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bigger and more profound than this
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and that’s the part that i want everyone
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to connect with and by the way you will
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have no doubt done things in your life
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achieved things done overcome difficult
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challenges and done them with such um
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in such heroic fashion
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that
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part of this will be you reconnecting
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to the things you’ve already done that
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have been heroic
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not just thinking that i need to do more
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difficult things but understanding that
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you already have done difficult things
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and that somewhere along the way
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you forgot
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how amazing those things were and
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started measuring yourself on this skin
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deep level of attractiveness that you
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think you have when you look in the
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mirror i’m not even bothering with this
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video to to do the whole kind of
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reassurance thing like you know we we
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know what do people do when we say i
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don’t feel attractive people go nice
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people people who want to make us feel
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better tend to reflexively say no you’re
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beautiful you’re gorgeous or whatever
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and i think that’s lovely but
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you know what if our facial symmetry
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isn’t as great as the next person’s what
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if our nose is bigger what if we haven’t
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got as much hair what if as a man we are
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shorter than the next person what are
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you gonna tell me no you are tall
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i think that it’s more beneficial just
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to say i there’s a different game i’m
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playing all together and by the way i’m
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not saying with this to stop caring and
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have no pride in the way you look you
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can still make the best of whatever you
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have but again that comes back down to
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accepting your ingredients and making
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the best of them and then making peace
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making peace with the things you’re
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never going to be and instead going
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the game i’m playing is the ultimate
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self-esteem of making myself proud my
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confidence comes from a deep well
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of valuing who i am in this life
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valuing my ability to do difficult
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things
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valuing how i overcome challenges so
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here’s what i want to do with you
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i have in the name of
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actually putting this into action
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together
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put together a 30 day
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confidence challenge that i’m going to
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be doing with thousands of people from
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all over the world starting on the 27th
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of september with a kickoff call live
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with me and i’m gonna use this kickoff
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call
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to
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go through
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five specific
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confidence building missions
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that we’re going to do together over 30
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days and then during those 30 days
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we are going to see
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measurable improvements in our
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confidence because we’re going to be
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building the self-esteem that comes from
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doing these difficult things they’re
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achievable but they will put us outside
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our comfort zones you can join me by
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going to mhchallenge.com
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this is completely free
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it’s available for anybody share it with
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as many people as you can you know you
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want to go through this challenge with
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and we’ll do it together as a global
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community improving our confidence go to
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mhchallenge to sign up for free now
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and i’ll be in your inbox soon with more
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updates about the challenge
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you
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
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