Do you find yourself falling for the wrong person over and over again? At this point, you might be thinking if a healthy relationship does exist.
Before you lose your hopes, even more, let me assure you that it’s still possible to build a long-lasting and healthy relationship with someone — in a world where everybody seems to just want nothing but casual dating.
It’s still possible to build a meaningful life together even when you still have issues.
Here’s how.
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A healthy relationship starts with you
I wish someone told me this earlier. Many of us know this basic concept of loving ourselves first but not many are actually applying it.
Instead, we waste our time chasing people who don’t care about us. Or someone who treats us less than what we deserve.
Being self-aware of your own pattern in dating is very important because, without it, you may never know when to walk away from a toxic relationship.
Once you learn from your mistake and understand your own pattern, then it’s the best time to spend more time with yourself. I always recommend people who have just broken up to take a hiatus and stay single until they get to know themselves better.
Many are in unhealthy relationships because they refuse to do self-reflections. They blame others for their unhappiness. While in reality, it’s your responsibility, to begin with.
If only they take the time to love themselves and work on their issues, then they’ll stop attracting the wrong person.
As cliche as this sounds, you can’t love someone else when you don’t even love yourself.
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Level up your communication skill
Many relationships failed because either one or both parties don’t want to communicate effectively. One could shut down and the other one’s arguing with no points.
For so long in my current relationship, I didn’t know it was a big deal because well, I thought love would conquer all problems right? In fact, it wouldn’t.
Not being able to communicate effectively and healthly when there’s an issue in the relationship will tear apart the emotional connection you have with your partner.
This is because every time you have an argument and you don’t solve it properly, it’ll create resentment and it’s going to add up over time. So before you know it, you no longer trust or respect your partner.
Please also note that this effective communication skill isn’t something given.
You need to take the time and energy to practice it. So rather than storming out and leaving the house every time, you have a fight with your partner, try to stick it out and have that uncomfortable conversation.
Let them know how you feel without blaming them. Put aside your ego for a second and listen to what your partner has to say too.
No couples get it right in the first place. In my experience, it took us a couple of years until we were truly comfortable with each other and know how to communicate our feelings effectively.
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Can you truly trust your partner?
Building trust in a relationship isn’t easy. Especially when you’re someone who experienced a lot in your past; childhood trauma, being cheated on, toxic ex.
But again, that shouldn’t stop you from trying.
You can still work on your trust issue while being in a relationship with someone. Although it’s also important to find someone who can support you through this journey.
While it’s not their job to fix your issue, it’s still nice for them to understand your struggle enough in trusting someone new.
According to Jeremy Nicholson M.S.W., Ph.D. on Psychology Today:
“Trust helps to ensure there is a positive feeling of rapport and connection between partners. Trust also impacts the level of fairness and equity in a relationship.” — Jeremy Nicholson M.S.W., Ph.D.
So avoid thinking that building trust isn’t an important part of making your relationship last long. In fact, it’s one of the fundamentals that need to work on by both parties.
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Atthe end of the day, nothing feels better than building a strong relationship with someone who you can trust wholeheartedly. It’s not a science to have one and you don’t need to figure out everything.
As long as you’re compatible and that person is willing to make it work then it’s more than enough for a starter.
While a romantic relationship won’t fix your issues and make you the happiest person, it does help you live a more meaningful life because now, you have someone to share with.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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