How to Build Rock-Solid Confidence at Work, Relationships, and All Areas Of Life

I got fired from my first marketing job as an intern.

After a year and a half of that part-time job, the boss decided to let me go. They notified me by email. Then had a conversation with me. I was already struggling with my confidence and self-esteem, which made it worse. I turned even more depressed for a while.

I had to pick myself up and build on the ruins.

The harsh truth about building confidence

I asked google how to build confidence, and the results are pretty useless. These aren’t bad advice, but they don’t mean anything.

Things like, “Positive thinking, training, knowledge and talking to others are all useful ways to help improve or boost your confidence levels.”

Or, “Confidence comes from feelings of well-being, acceptance of your body and mind (your self-esteem) and belief in”.

You get the idea. These are a bunch of general tips that don’t help but get thrown around often.

Here’s the truth: confidence is built through action, time, and evidence from reality.

You have to fail, learn from your mistakes, and then repeat until successful.
You have to deal with the challenges life throws at you. When you succeed and see it happening right in front of your eyes, this is the moment your confidence starts to go up.

That’s it. No need to spend a lifetime reading self-help books about this topic. Pick an area you want to improve at and face it head-on.

Let’s say you want to improve your skills at work.

When I started working at a marketing agency, I had no idea what marketing meant or how to work the numbers.

So after three months of being sick and tired of not knowing, I went home and did all the tasks in my free time.

I learned how to analyze numbers in excel, write ad copy, and set up ad campaigns. It didn’t turn me into a master, but it made me a better media buyer and helped me get confident.

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When I showed up at work, I felt ten times better. I almost crushed all the tasks. They probably would have fired me sooner if I had gone with the flow and didn’t take charge. Haha.

Forget the fun

I think many people want the “fun” side of things before moving an inch towards their goal. But to build confidence, you must face challenges, which isn’t always fun.

Guys want to bang the hottest girls without approaching any of them. Some of us feel entitled.

Same thing with work. Companies like to market themselves as a “Fun!” company to work at. “Look at us, we’re playing pool and drinking shakes in the middle of the day. Isn’t this fun?? We’re having so much fun!!”

But if all you’re looking for is fun, you’ll quit the minute things get tough. And they will get tough. It’s not even a question.

Talking to girls as a twenty-year-old wasn’t “fun” at all, believe me. It was painful. I felt embraced more times than I care to remember.

But discipline kept me going. I knew I had no other choice. If I hadn’t done the work twelve years ago, right now, I’d suffer like hell.

Damn. I don’t even want to think about that.

If you ask me, the fun part in any area comes later. After you’ve done the work. You ate your shit, and you’ve done it with honours. So stick with it.

Don’t quit (even if shit is thrown at your face)

After I got fired from that first agency, I finished my degree at university and had a choice to make.

Do I get a job in tech or marketing. Do I give myself another shot in another marketing agency or make a U-turn.

I decide to get a full-time job at another agency. This time it was a bigger company with lots of street cred. They had some professionals I could learn from, and honestly, after applying to ten other agencies, they were the only ones who accepted me.

I took the job. And soon enough, I learned that the agency had some nasty human beings I didn’t want to deal with.

I told myself, “Why the heck would I work at such a place??” then another part of me answered, “Just get some experience and leave”.

Unpopular opinion: Sometimes you’ve got to eat shit for the long run, even if it’s not “the right thing to do”

I stayed in that workplace for two and a half years. I tried to focus on the good and learned everything I could.

You can’t just quit because things get rough. Sometimes you gotta hold on and work your way through things.

This is how you gain self-respect and self-esteem. Deep inside, you acknowledge the fact you’re not a quitter.

You may not be a winner yet, but you’re on the right track. You don’t give up when shit hits the fan, and you know it.

When I started approaching girls at bars, I was the biggest loser around. I got rejected left and right. I got depressed about it. But I didn’t quit.

Don’t reject yourself

Some people feel like a burden to their environment, so they reject themselves and leave.

Especially in the context of work and women. Most men approach a group of girls and then hit “eject” after a minute.

They have this self-talk in their heads that tells them they aren’t good enough. Their mind plays the value games we all tend to play.

If you reject yourself, you don’t give yourself a chance to play. Not to mention winning.

Conclusion

Confidence is built through dealing with whatever is bothering you in a specific area of your life. You try, fail, learn from your mistakes and ultimately succeed. The mistakes you make turn you more intelligent and improve your chances of success. Once you get a taste of success, you start forming self-belief, and your confidence increases.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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