“Sex Geek” Cooper S. Beckett answers questions about traveling with sex toys you’ve been too afraid to ask.
Almost every time I fly, my luggage gets one of those lovely TSA homeland security notifications.
You know, the ones that say, “Hey, we’re friendly, no big, but we had to open your stuff to check things out. This is just a friendly notification. Had we found anything, you’d probably be in a windowless room right now. But we didn’t. So, we good?”
I think it’s because of the large metal toys I routinely pack. One of the downfalls to being someone with a great sex toy collection is that it’s rather hard to leave anything behind. When your “anything” includes two nJoy Elevens, an nJoy Pure Wand, the custom made “Cooper” and many other uniquely shaped items, not only do suitcases get heavy, they get, shall we say, “far more interesting.”
Especially in the run up to one of our yearly trips to Desire Resort and Spa, I’m asked almost weekly about getting through airport security with sex toys, or flying with sex toys.
It’s always asked with that elongated, “Sooooo…” at the beginning.
The tl;dr answer? (Too late?) Airport security has already seen dildos far bigger than yours, far kinkier accoutrements than you’re packin’, bigger floggers, longer lengths of rope, more gallons of lube, etc. They’ve seen it.
It’s not surprising.
Really, the fact that my luggage gets opened is because some of my devices are oddly shaped (i.e., The Cooper) and could, I’ll admit, be something else.
So my luggage is inspected to verify that no, it’s just a giant toy that he probably puts into his ass. We should put it back. Glad we’re wearing gloves.
Put anything you want to play with in your checked luggage, leaving off those things that you’re not allowed to fly with anyway.
Carry on? Hmm, well…that’s where your discretion comes in, I suppose.
I’ve heard tell that the nJoy Eleven may get taken away from you if you’re attempting to carry it on.
Homeland Security doesn’t have it included in the “things you can’t carry-on” diorama — the one that used to have a chainsaw in it — but let’s be honest here. The Eleven is a club. A heavy, metal club. And you could very easily brain someone with it. So should you be able to carry it on? Probably not. Check it.
Side note: Had you never before seen an nJoy Eleven, would you peg it as a pleasure object? (See what I did there??) Other items, especially those more obviously geared toward sex will likely have little trouble getting through security.
Of course, you may encounter a grumpy TSA agent who wants to embarrass you a bit. But we’re being sex-positive here, right? We all are confident in our toys. Odds are they’ll be more embarrassed than you!
Having confidence in the fact that what you’re carrying is awesome can make the more otherwise awkward moments better too. Like on our way into Mexico, for instance, when the agent monitoring the x-ray machine called not one, but two other agents over to point and whisper about what was in the toy suitcase. I gave her a wink when she made eye contact.
The real problem with bringing all of that awesome along is, of course, suitcase weight restrictions.
That, I can’t help you with. Because either you’re willing to leave that bit of awesome behind, or you’re not. I’m not.
This essay originally appeared in the memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory.
Photo credit: Ajouretravel