It’s never okay to bully someone online, and you’re not alone in having to deal with this kind of harassment. I struggled without a voice for over a year before I committed to openly telling people about how intensely I’ve been cyber bullied and publicly shamed over a matter that warranted consequences, but not abuse. In my case, I fabricated some details of my résumé in a job for which I was already well qualified even without the fabrications. It doesn’t change the fact that I have great remorse for my actions — and I know what I did was wrong. And even though my actions didn’t hurt anyone, I have been a continuous target of ridicule and abuse online.
There are many resources available that can help you. You can talk to friends or family members, who know your situation best and will be able to support you when the time comes for action. You can also seek professional assistance from a therapist or counselor at school or in your community. If none of these options work for you, there is another way: The Internet has been around long enough (and grown large enough) that there are plenty of places where people like yourself are gathering together for support.
The first thing is to stop reading the comments.
It’s tempting to read the comments, and chances are you already have, but for the benefit of your mental health, you have to stop yourself from seeking them out. I am notorious for reading the comments. But, recently I made a firm choice, as part of my recovery, to stop reading any comments.
If you have an account on a social website and it’s possible for people to leave comments about you, don’t engage in them. If someone sends you an email with a link that has negative or threatening comments attached, don’t open it. And if someone starts sending you messages through social media or, worse, text messaging, report them as soon as possible so they can’t continue harassing you in this way.
It’s also important not to respond directly to any of these negative interactions — even if the person who’s bullying or attacking you seems like they could benefit from some constructive criticism or advice. Remember: You are not responsible for other people’s feelings; no matter how well-meaning it may seem at first glance (and even if there are plenty of perfectly valid points made), responding will only encourage them further and make them feel validated about their behavior toward others when nothing was done about it before now.
Don’t feed the troll.
When someone is being a bully, it’s tempting to respond, but this is actually counter-productive. Doing so gives the bully exactly what they want: attention and an audience for your reaction. So it’s best not to engage with them at all.
While we’re on this subject: don’t even think about retaliating against the bully by being aggressive in return. This will only make things worse — and besides, bullying is about asserting power over others; if you attack back with equal force, then both of you end up losing control of yourself, which means neither of you comes out looking good.
If you can block it, block it.
Block the person: If you know the identity of the person harassing you or someone else, block them on social media platforms. You can also block their email address and phone number if they are contacting you directly.
Block the email address: If an anonymous or unknown source is sending unwanted emails to your inbox, add their email address to your spam filter so that all future messages from them go straight there instead of into your inbox. This can help keep your inbox organized as well as stop any potential malware infections from entering through these unsolicited messages. It’s also a good idea to report abusive emails online so that they don’t come back with a vengeance later on (they do).
Block websites: Websites like Facebook allow users to report content that violates their terms of service policies for bullying purposes — this includes fake profiles created with malicious intent and other forms of cyber harassment involving pictures/videos/texts posted on public platforms such as Twitter or Instagram. Reporting these kinds of posts will help administrators banish abusers from using such services altogether so users can feel safer when posting content themselves.
Ignore and report.
Sometimes blocking isn’t enough since bullies will go out of their way to find a way to still get through even when blocked (and some sites don’t even offer the option). If this happens, report these messages as harassing comments so that moderators know how serious an issue has become and then remove those comments as soon as possible.
Remember that when someone is harassing or bullying you online to not respond. It’s okay for others to read what the person is saying about you, but don’t say anything back because this will only encourage the behavior and make it worse for yourself and others in the future. They want a reaction from you so they can use it against you. Don’t give them what they want.
Save the evidence.
When you are dealing with cyber bullying, it is important that you save the evidence. You might be tempted to delete the messages. Don’t. You’ll want to have the evidence handy in the case there may be other people who need to see what has happened if you decide to take legal action against the bullies.
When saving your evidence:
· Make sure that it’s safe and confidential. You can do this by using an account that only friends or family members have access too. If possible, try keeping all messages in one place so they’re easy for other people to find later on if needed
· Keep records of everything said in messages sent through apps such as WhatsApp or SnapChat (photos and videos included)
Reach out to a mentor.
If you’re facing online bullying, it helps to talk with someone who can relate to the experience. A mentor can be a great source of support as you cope with online bullying. Mentors are often adults who have gone through similar situations and can help find solutions to your problem. The mentor may be able to help you find solutions to the problem and strategies that work best for your situation.
They’ll also understand what it feels like on a personal level and will empathize with your experience of being bullied online; this can make it easier for them to understand how certain comments affect you as well as give them ideas about how best to handle such situations themselves.
Engage in sourcing additional support.
If you are being bullied online, among the things most-productive to be doing is having ongoing conversations with someone you trust about what is happening (whether this is a close friend, a family member, or teacher). You can also call a helpline that can connect you with a counselor or therapist who will listen while giving you advice on how best to handle this situation. It’s important that when calling any kind of hotline to remain anonymous so that you can fully express the situation while protecting yourself from potential public exposure. You can call a helpline for help with dealing with cyber bullying at any time of day or night — they’re available 24/7! Here are some numbers that may be useful: 1–800–273–8255 (TALK) or 1–800-SUICIDE.
You could also join an online support group where people like yourself share their experiences with others going through similar difficulties surrounding bullying in school or online. If there isn’t one nearby then try searching online using keywords like “online bullying support groups” or “anti-bullying website.” For instance: https://www.stopbullyingnowfoundation.org/get_involved/support_groups/
Or even better yet, create your own community by starting a movement dedicated solely towards helping others with issues such as these.
When you’re ready: Tell your story.
Telling your story can be an effective way to raise awareness about cyber bullying and its effects. If you don’t feel comfortable posting on social media, consider writing a blog or creating a video that details what happened to you. You could also write letters to the editor of newspapers; and one may just publish your personal essay.
The more we share our experiences with one another and raise awareness about these issues, the more likely we are able to make changes happen in our communities — big changes like better policies against bullying or smaller ones like having someone who can help (a journalist, a school administrator, local law enforcement) listen when someone else feels they are embattled with harassment.
It’s important to remember that the internet is a big place, and there are just as many people who want to help you as there are who want to hurt you. If you’re experiencing any kind of online bullying, don’t suffer in silence. Reach out for help and support, share your story when you’re ready, and pass along this article to anyone else who might benefit from giving it a read.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
—
Photo credit: Hamid Tajik, courtesy of Unsplash