Becoming parents can make you forget about being in love. These tips can keep that from happening to you.
Envision the early days of your relationship. Do you remember how you felt? The thought of being with your partner consumed you. You went out of your way just too see them smile. Doing so made you feel excited and warm. The mere prospect of actually living with this person—that felt like a dream.
And then it happens, you’re committed, you’re together all the time, and things get comfortable. Life is good. So why do the little things start to bug you? Perhaps she’s spending too much money and rent is due, or wanting you to stay in on weekends instead of seeing the guys. It could be anything. There could be too much hair in the sink, or you’re finding bobby pins everywhere. The fighting starts, a constant bickering. A creeping feeling of being miserable threatens to overtake you. These things happen, so you focus on the good. Still, you can’t help but feel like something’s off.
Things are good when they’re good, but horrible when they’re bad.
But then something amazing happens: you’re becoming parents! This brings you closer together than ever before. Life revolves around preparing for the baby. Job searching or working, appointments, phone calls, looking for the items the baby will need, figuring things out, and some soul searching about what it means to be a parent take up all your time. Things feel normal again, even so much so that you don’t care about stepping on bobby pins or pulling her hair from your feet. And date night is back on. What’s more is that it feels natural! Life is bliss.
After an incredibly slow but fast pregnancy, the baby is born. With the birth of your child comes the death of your time as a couple, or so it seems. The balance has been disrupted. So has your sleep. You forget there’s even a relationship with your partner to nurture. The fighting begins again, but it feels different. You feel it in your heart. It’s worse; there’s more to lose.
And then comes the day she looks at you and says, “Do you even care that we’re falling apart?” It shatters your heart. But in that moment you realize it’s slipping away, and you are partly to blame.
Don’t let this happen. Be who you think you are or could be and do what you need to do be the couple you were when you started this journey. It isn’t too late, you know.
How do you restore the romance to your relationship and reignite the spark that burned between you?
Start small. Small acts of love grow in significance over time. They become an integral part of your relationship. Maybe you used to leave her little notes, or send her texts throughout the day. You were thinking of her and wanted to let her know. You wanted to tell her you love her. Do that again. It may feel forced at first, not because it’s not true, but because it feels so much like a foreign act. Just do it. It’ll become normal and she will love it. It might be what she needs to get through the day.
Money isn’t important for love, but giving her little gifts are a great way to show how much you do love her. It says, “I saw this and it made me think of you. I thought it might make you happy, and I want to make you happy. I can do that for you, as you do for me.” It could be a flower, or a coffee on the way home from work. It could be a CD, or a bookmark. It could be anything.
Surprise her with a note saying “Just letting you know that I’m thinking of you, and I love you.” Hide it somewhere she will find that day. Maybe by her toothbrush, or attached to the fridge.
Hold her hand just because, or kiss her randomly. Pick her a flower, and cuddle more. Tell her she’s beautiful, and that you are lucky to have her. Have a pillow fight and then pull her in for a kiss. Let her sleep in sometimes, and get up when the baby cries. Change diapers, bathe, feed, whatever needs to be done, just let her rest a little bit longer. She will appreciate it more than you can imagine, and she will not forget that you did your part.
It’s the little things that count. The things so small that you could not even bother, but you are going to bother and that makes it all so much more special to her. And when she does the same for you, you’ll remember how you used to look at her. But it’s better now because you have a child together, a little baby to care for and protect.
Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings. ~ Anaïs Nin
Having a child can make you forget that you are both still individuals in love, and that love needs to be nurtured. It’s so easy to forget this. Don’t. It’s up to you to make this work.
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