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It’s true.
As you get older you become more jaded.
Gone are the heady days of teenage love where you threw yourself at it with reckless abandon. Now, after being scarred from past relationships, it can be harder to let someone get close to your heart.
And when the threat of someone doing that happens, you put your walls up. You stop being yourself and you act prickly and closed off to anyone who comes close to getting through to you.
But at what cost?
I’ve worked with men who’ve blocked love for YEARS! Because he found himself in a relationship where the woman controlled and emasculated him … so it seemed easier to close himself off and stay away from love.
But you do get to a point where you realize you want someone in your life again … and that involves change on your part.
I’m a massive believer that you can’t create a great next relationship if you’re still being who you were in the last one.
What do I mean by that?
If you let your previous partner dominate or control you, then it’s highly likely that if you don’t change certain behaviors, you’ll attract that again.
It’s a pattern that needs to be broken and you need to delve into childhood/parental ‘stuff’ to do that (Emotional Freedom Technique is very effective for this). If you had/have a critical father (or mother), then I’ve found this is one of the reasons why men attract those types of relationships.
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So before you decide you don’t want to be single anymore, you MUST get honest with yourself about:
a) Why you want a relationship
b) What you plan on bringing to it
c) What you’re willing to change about yourself so you can handle things a lot better
d) What you’ll no longer tolerate
It’s all well and good to be loving and giving. That’s what relationships are about.
But not at the expense of your own pride and dignity.
And this is where men get confused between being a good man and taking care of his woman … and letting her control him and becoming a doormat.
And you know what? I’m ashamed to say this, but I was that woman.
I’ve done a lot of work on myself since then (and continue to because I’m certainly not perfect), but I desperately wanted my ex to stand up to me. I wanted him to feel empowered and take the lead … but because I lacked self-awareness about my own behavior, I never gave him a chance to do that … because I was always 5 steps ahead.
This is why I teach the concept of the High Value Male, to save you from women like I was. We shun our softer side to avoid getting hurt and allowing a man to ‘overpower’ us – so we control, manipulate and act like bratty teenagers to get what we want.
It’s insidious and every relationship I’ve seen and been in myself where I engaged in this, became a lose-lose. Both people were miserable.
Because it’s a fear-based avoidance tactic.
So when you can see past her fears and insecurities (and not get rattled by them), you’ll find the most beautiful, loving woman who’ll happily let you take the lead sometimes so you can have a balanced, healthy relationship.
**Sidenote: It’s a woman’s job to do her own healing work so that she’s good to you … so if you’re becoming a more ‘conscious’ guy, then only seek out more ‘conscious’ women. They’ll understand it’s a 2-way street.
I tell you this, not to turn you off or feel resentment for those women (they don’t realize that’s what they’re doing). It’s to give you insights into a woman’s behavior so that you can use it as a win-win to have a great relationship.
When you change your behavior, she’ll change hers to adapt to that. So when you step into HVM status, she’ll adore you and let you demonstrate your strengths.
She’ll let you take yourself seriously and use that to empower and strengthen you as a person … so long as you do.
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And what is a High Value Male?
* He’s a great guy … but he’s easy to lose to anyone who doesn’t appreciate him.
* He knows his worth … and he’s ‘all in’ with a loving woman.
* He keeps his head. Instead of reacting, he learns how to handle conflicts and uncomfortable situations assertively and never runs away from them.
* He’s honest and clear about his intentions
* He’s certain about what he wants
* He leads from the front while using collaboration and connection as his ultimate form of communication
* He strikes a balance of using his masculine energy to counterbalance her feminine and is in touch with his own feminine energy and knows how to use it to build attraction
You already have these qualities. But past experiences and beliefs have marred your sense of true self – so it’s all about stripping back the layers of fear and insecurity so you can step into your masculine power again and get the woman you really want.
Ains 🙂
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Previously published on The High Value Male
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Photo Credit: Getty Images