Tamara Star reveals common yet avoidable relationship mistakes men often make.
“Love is the greatest refreshment in life.” — Pablo Picasso
Picasso’s artistic style changed over periods of time that could be marked by the phases of his heart. His blue/green period arrived after the suicidal death of his friend Carlos Casagemas, while his rose period gave birth along with his love for bohemian artist Fernande Olivier.
We’re all artists when it comes to creating our own life, and while we know that love is the greatest gift we can give, and the greatest gift to receive, keeping love alive in the midst of time’s inevitable wear and tear is the real art we need to master.
A woman’s love won’t let go easily once your face has embedded itself inside her heart, and because of this, her loyalty can last far longer than it realistically should. We’ve all seen this as we shake our heads and silently wish a female friend would just dump the bloke once and for all.
And while most women won’t let go easily or without great effort to save your sinking ship, there are a few ways to lose the woman you love forever.
1. Stop doing the little things like holding her hand and looking into her eyes.
Women fall in love over the little things. Movies may lead us to believe that grand gestures are the way into a woman’s heart, but it’s the little things you do that sink a hook deep into her psyche. Holding her hand for no reason and looking into her eyes when you talk to her activates feelings of her really mattering to you. Touching her hair, letting distractions pass when she’s talking, and kissing her goodbye are the golden moments she lingers over in her mind’s eye when you’re away. We all know the quickest way to kill love is to take someone for granted, and the first thing to go when you wander down that dead end path are the little gestures. Lead her down this alley and you won’t be able to find her on your return out.
2. Don’t ask her questions or try to get to know her.
Let her beauty and what you think she can offer you drive your attention. Once she realizes you don’t really know her, understand where she’s been, or hold any of her secrets, she’ll realize she doesn’t matter to you and she will leave. For a short period of time, you might be able to hold her attention through flattery of her physical appearance, but women are smart and they’ll eventually sense the emptiness of your connection. While knowing that you are attracted to her beauty is important, your focus on her appearance throws you back into the pack of the many others she encounters in her world that mean nothing to her heart.
3. Don’t listen to her when she talks to you or even better yet, interrupt when she’s sharing her heart with corrections to her thinking and answers for her problems.
Women solve problems and soothe their own stress by talking to someone that will listen. If you don’t hear her out, she will talk faster and faster repeating herself over and over again, getting louder and more emotional until she just finally stops trying. At that point, the sound of her silence will let you know that while she may still be sitting in front of you, her permanent exit is looming.
4. Don’t allow her to feel safe and relax into your love.
Get defensive when she questions you and refuse to accept that women step closer by testing the water. When a woman is falling deeper into love with you she will push back a bit, test you and question your actions, words and motives to see if you’re the real deal. Whether you’ve been together for a month or for decades, this testing never stops. A man who has the ability to keep his woman, lets these tests and these questions roll off his back, calmly knowing they have nothing to do with him and everything to do with his woman stepping closer.
5. Take everything as an attack on your character and meet your woman with defensiveness and anger.
We’ve all been hurt, we all have fears and we all have tender spots that need extra TLC, but if you haven’t healed your past pain, you will be like a newly formed blister overly tender to every brush of contact. Ignore your own issues and instead react to everything she might say or do with gusto as though it were a personal attack planned to orchestrate an insulting demise on your manhood, and soon your pain will be spared forever.
6. Don’t make her special or allow her to relax into knowing she’s your woman.
Keep your options open through regular flirtations and intimate sharing with other females and remember to hold nothing but sex special between the two of you. Intimacy literally translates as: into you I see. By keeping the doorway open to many others through Facebook flirts and cute little text, you’ll ensure that there’s nothing special between the two of you other than sex. Over time, she’ll slowly fade into the same creamy vanilla flavor of your many other intimate connections.
7. Make sex your be all- end all- expression of love.
Stop kissing her for no reason other than to initiate sex so when you do kiss her, if she’s not feeling in the mood for sex, she won’t respond. Don’t caress her outside of the bedroom, and don’t flirt with her or seduce her throughout the day like you used to, but always expect her to respond to you as passionately as ever.
8. Stop joking and making her laugh.
Humor is the glue that keeps couples together and happy for the long haul. Start taking yourself really seriously so that every joke is a personal dig and ignore the little things that might make you both laugh by not being present in the moment with her. Let yourself be preoccupied with what’s really important in your world and ignore the silly little things you used to laugh about. Over time, she will give you the room you thought you wanted when you were just too busy to play.
9. Check out when you’re with her by using your phone constantly.
Remember that your time and attention are far more important than hers and trust that she doesn’t have anything better to do then sit across from you at the table and watch you check your phone. Keep in mind that the calls, text and emails she lets sit on the back burner while she’s with you aren’t really as important as yours, and know that over time, she’ll give you all the space you need with your mobile device…permanently.
In many ancient traditions, the number nine is considered to represent completion so I’ll stop here. Like artwork, there comes a time to stop thinking about what you want to create and instead start creating. Unfortunately, too many of us make a brief effort and then go on auto pilot forgetting that it takes consistent practice to master the art of love; yet when we do make the effort, we create a masterpiece that never grows boring to look at.
Originally posted via Tamara Star via The Elephant Journal
Photo: Everystock Photo