Having professional success and a fulfilling relationship is not an either/or decision. Here’s how to have both.
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The marriage and relationship statistics for successful business executives and entrepreneurs are abysmal. Statistics on them vary but the consensus is that you can’t be successfully married if you’re already married to your work. The common thread in the conversation is that if people want to stay married, they have to work less.
If you want to experience the same success in relationships that you experience in business, you’re going to have to put the same amount of work in.
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That’s a cop-out that will only lead to resentment. If someone is truly passionate and dedicated to their work, telling them they have to work less in order to have a relationship just isn’t realistic. Entrepreneurs, managers, and leaders who are passionate about their work love what they do, are excited about it, and see themselves as building a dream. Telling them to work less would be like telling someone else not to go to the gym so often, that they don’t really have to try that new restaurant, or to cut back on time spent on hobbies.
We have a cultural value around work that implies that work isn’t where someone should find joy or that shouldn’t be where they have passion. After all, “You can’t take it when you leave” and after you’ve died “It won’t matter how much money was in your bank account.” Those are the messages and lectures that many entrepreneurs, managers, and executives receive all the time.
It’s Not about Working Less, It’s About Talking More
The way this scene typically goes is one person is disappointed and questioning the other’s work commitment. That person feels abandoned and like they are playing second fiddle to the other person’s work. The entrepreneur or business professional feels attacked, judged, and questioned about what is or really isn’t necessary and they respond with defensiveness and entitlement.
All it takes for these relationships to fail and crumble is for this process to repeat itself over and over again. Eventually, one person checks out, gives up, and moves on.
The cycle can be broken and relationships can be strengthened if couples become more willing to prioritize communication about work.
The Entrepreneur Has a Lot of Explaining to Do!
If you want to experience the same success in relationships that you experience in business, you’re going to have to put the same amount of work in. That’s simply non-negotiable.
In order for you to have a successful relationship, it’s crucial that your dreams for yourself are understood and supported. You have to be with someone who understands your passion and wants you to be successful.
However, this isn’t something you just get to have. It’s simply not true that if the person really loved you, they would just support you. They have to understand and be included in the dream and what they are supporting.
- You have to be clear about your dreams and goals, what you’re hoping to accomplish, and why they’re important to you.
- Be clear and realistic about the time commitment that this takes and what the other person can expect from you.
- Talk about your availability, willingness, and interest in being present for your partner when you’re not at work.
- Let them know when they can count on unplugged time or be realistic in explaining why you can’t take it.
- Outline clear boundaries around when you’re free and available and when you’re not.
- Learn what passions are important to the person you’re dating or partner and express your interest and intent in helping support them in their dreams, too.
- Ask what the other person might need from you in terms of communication or touching base in order to better support you in your need to have time away. Sometimes the other person just wants a text when he/she crosses your mind and wants to feel like they aren’t out of site or out of mind.
- Understand that this conversation isn’t a one-time thing. If you talk to one another regularly and are clear about your needs and expectations, it’s easier to receive the support and understanding you need.
If You’re Dating or In a Relationship with Someone Whose Work is a Priority:
- Don’t just buy into the hype that your relationship is doomed to fail and don’t fall into the trap of simply blaming the other person and their work when you start to experience tension.
- You have to make a conscious choice to be with a person whose work is crucial to their identity and who has a dream for more success than they currently have. You have to decide that you want that or be clear and honest with yourself if you don’t.
- Recognize that your needs matter in this relationship, too. The other person may need more time and focus for work. Their needs don’t trump yours. What do you need? Time for your own passions? A guaranteed date night or scheduled time together? To be able to consistently touch base with your partner even if you can’t see each other regularly or for as long as you might like?
- What is quality time for you? When you do have time together, how would you like that time spent?
- What are the non-negotiables you need in order to be supportive of your partner’s dream and passion?
- It doesn’t work if you just put yourself on hold while someone else pursues their passion.
There Should Always be Time When the Relationship Comes First.
Even when if you have a shared vision or dream and you are totally supporting each other in your respective endeavors, there should always be time when the relationship comes first. One or both
Relationships successfully weather their storms when they are given the same respect and attention that the professional storms receive.
Originally Published: Choose to Have It All.com
Photo: Getty
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