Breakup expert Matt Shumate has 4 awesome tips for moving on after you’ve split up.
When getting over your ex, any small trigger the reminds you of them can send you down a path of extreme sadness or anger. Before you can start fresh on your new path, you must first wipe the slate clean, purging any existing remnants of your relationship.
From here, it’s all about rediscovering yourself and detaching any identification you had as a couple. Who you were together can no longer define you.
So here are four key elements to doing a complete detox from your ex-girlfriend or wife to start moving on with your life:
1.) Unlike and Unfollow—You’re out having a few drinks with friends, you’re feeling pretty good, and then you get a sinking feeling in your stomach. You miss her. You think about what she’s up to. You reach for your phone. Just want to see if she posted anything on Instagram.
Wait, who’s that guy she’s with? Is she talking to him now? Stop, just stop. There is absolutely nothing that will benefit you from keeping social tabs on your ex. You don’t have to unfollow her and cut ties in an untactful way, but you should not catch any glimpse of her in your news feed. Out of sight, out of mind. And you don’t need her in your head messing up progress of growing your independence.
2.) Rethink your actual social network—You become a function of the five people you spend the most amount of time with. As you’re redefining your own unique personality, who you spend your time with will greatly determine the direction in which you head. Remove toxic people who don’t improve you or your life in any way. Spend time with true, genuine friends who care about you and challenge you intellectually, spiritually, and physically.
I try to hang out with people who make me laugh, approach life with an entrepreneurial, abundant mindset, take care of their body and mind, and challenge me to do things that push me outside of my comfort zone. You’re in a delicate, malleable position post-breakup as you get perspective on life and what’s important, so make sure the people you’re hanging out with help to mold you in a positive way.
3.) Bachelorify the Pad—That candle she brought over for your anniversary that kicked off an epic night. The picture of you two on vacation in Costa Rica. The shells you collected on the beach in St. Thomas. Get rid of them. All of it. You don’t need constant reminders her everywhere you turn.
Plus, it’s time to redo your spot in new ways that make you happy. Maybe she never let you put up that signed poster of Peyton Manning. If you’re Michael Scoot, then the St. Pauli Girl Neon sign has to go back up in the dining room. What would make you extremely happy to come home to after a long day? Do that. Make the pad all about you.
For me, it was all about having an amazing outdoor space. I moved into a new pad with a pool, bought out some outdoor furniture, and any time I head into the back yard, I’m instantly zenned out. Find out what makes your own happy place at home, and get er done.
4.) Do a Post Mortem—When you’ve had some time (likely 2-3 months), look back and see what you’ve learned. Knowing that you will indeed love again, take what you can tae from the experience with your ex and use that to make your next relationship absolutely amazing. What do you now know that you don’t want in a partner? Narrow down a list of your must-haves and deal breakers. The relationship with your ex was not a failure. It was a learning experience, as any challenge you face in life should be perceived.
To truly embrace your independence and grow into a new and improved version of yourself, you need to get her out of your mind. A clean sweep of any reminders is highly necessary. Then when the time is right, you’ve healed up and are ready to move on, you can decide whether or not it’s right to have her back in your life in some respect.
But, until you get the required space and time, you won’t be in the right mindset to make that decision effectively. Cut it loose, focus on yourself, and you will bounce back better than ever in no time.