It can be frustrating, and there will definitely be times when you question if this “dream person” even exists. But the one thing you should never compromise is your standards.
My best friend, my college roommate, my now boyfriend’s best friend, and I—all found love through online dating.
I started online dating as a joke, with no intention of actually going on a date. However, I’ve never met a potential boyfriend in conventional ways—I think the closest I came was when the Budweiser delivery guy asked me out at the 7-Eleven I frequented before work. Especially after I moved to Arizona [from Michigan], I decided to change my perspective of online dating.
I’ve heard both sides to the dilemmas of online dating. As a result, I’ve decided to come up with a few helpful tips to those trying online dating. I’m no expert by any means, and I’m certainly not a spokesperson for the women’s perspective. These are just tips I’ve formulated from my experiences with online dating.
Your username, headline and about me section are the most important parts of your profile.
Is it just me or is the username “daddysbadgirl69” super creepy? Keep it simple. I used favorite movie titles with either my graduation year or birth year. There’s no set formula for making a username. But, I can tell you that anything that’s explicit or creepy is bound to be an immediate turnoff. Unless, of course, that’s what you’re looking for.
I read an article on online dating, and they said you have eight seconds to persuade a match to respond to your message. When I first started, I had some variation of “What’s up?” I learned that probably wasn’t the best approach because it was cliché, boring and unoriginal. I eventually started taking lines from movies or something funny (and the challenge also becomes how many characters does your headline allow—it’s like Twitter *cringe*). It can also serve as an icebreaker depending how creative you can get.
So…the about me section seems to be a difficult one for the male community. I get it—nobody likes talking about themselves, and while nobody wants to read a novel about you or your life. Giving a few basics, and maybe some interesting facts or experiences, won’t kill you. I read a few profiles that had at least the first chapter of a novel written—but again, I’m a writer, I like reading things like that. However, I felt rather annoyed when profiles began with, “I hate talking about myself, just message me,” Or, “I don’t know what to say here,” or the worst was, “If I tell you about myself we’ll have nothing to talk about.” Really? You’re just lazy.
On the flipside, it’s even more annoying when men don’t read YOUR about me. I ended up putting bullet points of the basics, like my job, where I’m from, etc. and I STILL ended up with men that would ask, “So what do you do?” I’d instantly stop talking to them. Might be harsh, but you’re wasting my time asking a question you already have the answer to. Instead, ask me a question ABOUT my job (or tack on “So what do you do as an (insert job title)?”
What is more annoying than going out on a date with a guy who states he’s looking for a long-term relationship, yet by the end of the night, is doing anything and everything to have sex with you? It’s very unattractive and disrespectful. Also, it was annoying to find men who lied about certain things on their profile.
Unless your potential match explicitly states, “I like clichés,” “Shoot me your best pickup line,” or has an exquisite sense of humor, please avoid clichés. I had one guy message me, “are you Netflix? Because I could stare at you all day.” Creepy, dull and cliché. One guy messaged me, “If you were a burger at McDonald’s, you’d be a McBeautiful.” Gross, the saddest attempt at creativity, and cliché. Your best bet is to pick something off their profile like a tattoo, their job, or maybe what their degree is in for a conversation starter—it shows you not only read their profile but shows interest in it.
Not all dating websites work the same, nor are all experiences the same.
I’ve tried Zoosk, Plenty of Fish (POF), OkCupid, and Match.com. If you’re poor like me, I didn’t want to pay for an online dating website—I felt ridiculous resorting to it in the first place. Although, I have to admit that my parents offered to pay—but they’re also desperate for grandchildren. Find one that works for you and expend all the resources available to you.
Don’t justify lowering your standards.
People will tell you that you’re “just too picky,” or that you’re “not giving them a chance.” It can be frustrating, and there will definitely be times when you question if this “dream man/woman” even exists. But the one thing you should never compromise is your standards. I had one person blatantly state that my standards were “unrealistic and needed to be lowered.” If someone isn’t willing to take the initiative to at least try to reach your standards, they’re simply not worth your time—but also remember it needs to be reciprocated.
Photo: Flickr/ Ed Yourdon