If you’ve been watching my content you’ll have seen me posting pics and videos with this woman here lately. Loosely put, she’s my ideal girl, we met in Bali, and there’s a huge number of things that came together for us that to happen. In this post, however; I’m going to focus on the top three which are:
- 1 – I knew where to find women like her
- 2 – I had what she wanted in a man
- 3 – I had the balls to approach her
So let’s look at all three factors.
1 – Do you know where to find your ideal woman?
Too many saps, men and women alike, expect to just meet their ideal partners by some sort of spiritual osmosis but real life isn’t a cheesy daytime rom com. Dating is like marketing, and the fact is you’re promoting a product in a marketplace so insanely competitive the word cutthroat doesn’t do it justice. However, instead of the latest iPhone or Beats By Dre Headphones, you’re promoting yourself. And, just like with corporate advertising, if you don’t know who your target audience is and where they are, you’ll never attract them.
Who is your ideal woman and where the hell is she?
My type is:
- Funny
- Physically active
- Spiritual
- Party animal
- Kind-hearted
- Intelligent
- Sexual
Etc
So based on that it’s no accident that we met in Bali because it’s full of these sorts of women. In fact, part of why I went there in the first place was for that very reason.
So yeah, what’s your ideal woman like and where the hell is she? If you don’t know you’ll never find her and will always have to settle for women who don’t really do it for you.
Ask yourself, where can you find nerdy, conservative, religious, spiritual, successful, fit, or any other types of girls you might be into?
Have a damn good think about this and then start going to wherever you need to be to find them, either online or offline.
2 – Are you your ideal woman’s ideal man?
I bet you’ve never asked yourself that have you? Have you? Well most people haven’t so don’t worry about it, because you’re in good company. Still, all the great company in the world doesn’t change the fact that this is something you need to think about.
In my time as a coach I’ve stumped tons of people with this question. People who realised with wide eyes and gaping mouths that they assumed their ideal woman wouldn’t have any standards for what she wanted in her ideal man. You know the AI sex dolls that are apparently gonna be here in the next few years? The ones that’ll be designed to look and act however a man wants while mindlessly accepting his slovenly ass with no preference for what he brings to the table?
Most people, men and women, secretly want and expect that from their partners.
But life isn’t a cheesy daytime romcom.
You have things you want and need from a woman and she has things she wants and needs from your black ass. If you don’t have whatever she wants and needs then she won’t want and need you, it’s that simple. You need to be as close to your ideal woman’s version of her ideal man as possible to get her, so let’s think about that for a minute.
And FYI I’m talking about emotional characteristics as well as tangible things like a job, a body, or a dress sense. Anyway, let’s say your ideal woman is:
- Fit and healthy
- Entrepreneurial
- Spontaneous
So what’s she going to want?
Well a fit and healthy woman isn’t going to want to be with a fat and out of shape junk food eating slob, is she? What she is going to want is a man who’s even fitter and healthier than her.
If she’s entrepreneurial, she might not care if her man is too, he might just need to have a really good job. But he’d ideally be someone who could teach her something about business or connect her to people who’d help the growth of her brand.
Women don’t like to take the lead in relationships. They want to be enveloped in your strong masculine energy and able to connect to their feminine energies as a result. This means a spontaneous woman is probably gonna want a man who’s even more spontaneous than her so she can feel like she’s being overwhelmed by the force of his being and not the other way around. You get me?
Now look, before you jump on your high horse about how you disagree with my interpretations of what women with these traits want, realise that this isn’t the point. Whether I’m right or wrong by saying a spontaneous woman wants an even more spontaneous man isn’t what you should be wasting your time thinking about. What you should realise is that I’m 1000% right in that your ideal woman has an ideal man mapped out on her head, and you should be asking yourself if that’s you.
If not you’ve got two choices:
1 – work to become that guy
2 – settle for a woman of lower quality
Scared to approach women, get my free ebook on how to crush approach anxiety.
3 – Are you too afraid to approach women?
Years ago I used to go and spend hours approaching beautiful women. I’d literally walk the streets of Central London with my friends from midday till 6pm battling fear and insecurity to become a better man but I don’t do that anymore. In fact I can’t remember the last time I did. My goal was always to smash my fear in the face and integrate a new skill set into my life so I’d have the courage and ability to speak to women as and when I saw them.
This meant I wasn’t lost in a sea of paralysing panic and negative emotions when I saw my girl in that Balinese pet store, and that meant I was able to talk to her confidently. Here’s what I said:
“Hey I know this is a bit random, but I had to come and speak to you. You look gorgeous and I’d love to take you for a coffee.”
That first sentence is what’s known as a statement of empathy. Essentially it lets the woman know you understand that approaching her goes outside of social norms and that you’re not an uncalibrated weirdo.
The second sentence establishes a man to woman vibe and makes sure there’s no chance of her thinking you’re just there to have a nice chat. A lot of the times when guys approach they do so in a way that seems like they’re just being friendly so the woman feels no vibe and isn’t sexually interested even if she does like them as a person.
I didn’t do that. I placed my balls on the table immediately and she loved it.
FYI I’m not saying that going in direct (as I did here) is the only way to approach a woman. A lot of coaches think it’s best to be indirect and let the chemistry build subtly and I think there’s a lot of merit to that mindset tbh but it’s just not what I did here. Different styles work for different people.
In any event, after that it was a simple case of swapping numbers, letting her cuddle my dog, Yoshi, teasing her a little, and arranging our date.
Everyone faces rejection
Has every woman I’ve approached swapped details with me? No. I’ve been rejected countless times, but those rejections don’t affect my life in the least and if I was too afraid to face them I’d have also been too scared to speak to my girl in that pet store.
Guys who don’t approach are afraid but what they don’t realise is that you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Any time you back out of approaching a woman because you’re scared of failure is a literal failure. She isn’t in your life, DMs, or bed and what’s more because you didn’t actually approach her, you haven’t had the chance to figure out where you went wrong to do better in future.
You just failed.
So maybe it’s time to stop failing and start winning.
If you agree, get my book Meet & Keep Your Dream Women.
Excelsior.
Ciaran
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Oksana Zub on Unsplash
