After surviving sexual assault, one of the things that has been most challenging for me, is figuring out how to love myself. Self-love is publicized as a simple equation of masturbating, working out, and eating healthy, but it’s so much more complex than that. I am not saying these strategies are bad, they’re really good, but they’re surface-level topics that lack context. And to be honest, those three things are the last things I want to do because they have been shoved down my throat by friends, tv, and social media.
Through taking a therapy program called Life After Trauma, I learned that self-love is created through small but meaningful interactions with yourself. Loving yourself is not a switch that can just turn on, it’s a relationship that’s built over time. If you have a poor relationship with yourself, you need to slowly overpower your harmful memories and feelings with an inventory of positive and empowering experiences. For me, food is everything, I LOVE food and eating is a large portion of my day. So when I decided to try to love myself, I knew my first focus would be food. Here are some ways you can say “I love you” to yourself, through food.
Eat Because it’s Incredible
I think most of us overlook the fact that if we don’t eat, we die! We also forget that our bodies are incredibly talented machines. When we eat food, our organs break it down and distribute nutrients to areas that need it. Our brain tells us how our stomach is feeling, how our bladder is feeling, how our intestines are feeling. Our digestive and urinary system remove waste for us…How cool is that! It sounds silly, but it’s so easy to put eating on autopilot; we choose and consume foods without thinking about it, even though the food we consume directly affects how we feel and function. So, to set things straight and tell your body “I love you”, I recommend eating with the right intent. If you feel hungry, take a second to understand that you are going to eat, not to remove the sensation of hunger, but to nourish your amazing body. Take an extra moment before putting that sandwich in your mouth, to appreciate the meaning of food and how unique and talented your body is. Eating shouldn’t be a chore, it should be an amazing experience. You’re allowing yourself to keep living, that isn’t something to take lightly! Starting a meal with the right intent turns autopilot off and helps you appreciate who you are on the inside.
Eat What You Want to Eat
I’ve learned through trialling multiple diets to lose weight or “feel better”, that I HATE forcing myself to eat foods I don’t like. I don’t think forcing yourself to eat something is beneficial or worth it. Screw diets, screw starvation, eat what you want to eat. That being said, I’m sure there are things that you like that are “healthy” and make you feel good, and things that you like that are not so good for the organs (maybe give you the runs… Damn burritos). In a situation where you want to eat something “unhealthy”, but you’ve already had cookies for breakfast and ice cream for lunch, consider if there is something that you like, that could satisfy the craving, but it’s on the “healthier” side. As an example, I am a sucker for banana chocolate chip muffins…I could eat a six-pack a day if I wasn’t trying to love myself, and they didn’t make me feel super sleepy. So, if I’ve already had two muffins in the day, I consider what the muffin is made of; bananas, chocolate chips, flour, etc. I try eating a banana or a banana mango smoothie instead of my third muffin…And holy crap…I don’t crave that muffin anymore and I feel energized! #winning. Saying “I love you” to yourself is NOT constantly telling yourself “no”, it’s telling yourself “hell yes” with a little thought behind it. You can eat food you like AND eat food that makes you feel good, it’s possible, we just need to take a little time to think about our options.
Practice Mindful Eating
This again relates to turning eating off of autopilot, but instead, it focuses on the “in-action” phase of the experience. I learned a lot about mindfulness in therapy, not directly concerning food, but I’ve found it useful while eating. It’s very easy to get into the habit of chewing and swallowing quickly and without thinking about it. However, we’re missing out on an amazing experience with this habit, especially if we’re eating our favourite meal. The worst thing in the world is eating a mouth watering dinner mindlessly and then looking down and wondering where it went and why the taste couldn’t linger in your mouth a little bit longer. To avoid this heartbreaking feeling and to tell yourself “I love you”, let yourself experience the food you eat in its entirety. I recommend with each bite of food, you consider five things:
- How does the food taste and what do I taste?
- How does the food smell and what do I smell?
- How does the food sound and what do I hear?
- How does the food look and what do I see?
- How does the food feel and what do I feel? (On your tongue, in your body, etc.)
The first couple of times you practice this, it’ll be really weird and difficult. I know when I first tried being a mindful eater, I got distracted by my phone, my partner talking to me, by my lack of time before I needed to leave for work. However, after making time for food and making room in my brain to think about eating…Holy cow the results were DELICIOUS! Who knew I could learn to love my favourite meal even more than I already did. Who knew I was depriving myself of love in this way.
Saying “I love you” to yourself doesn’t need to be glamorous or over the top, it’s the little things that count. You can use these strategies in other areas of your life like when relaxing, when adventuring outside, when taking a shower. The opportunities are endless. Now… I am off to go eat some pasta!
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love and is republished here with permission from the author.
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Photo credit: Unsplash