If you’re afraid to ask for help because you might get your head bitten off, here’s how to go about it safely.
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I’m frustrated, and I need to vent.
I look at the people I interact with, both those that I can personally interact with, and those across vast online platforms, and I see a bunch of timid turtles that are afraid to take their first step and do something to lead themselves through their situations.
What infuriates me more than someone not asking for help, is someone who is not helpless asking as an easy button question.
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Throughout my career, noticed that it’s the people who are afraid to ask a question who make the worst decisions. These are not the lead yourself moments where they’re making a hard decision, ooooh noooo, these are the simple things that come from not being adequately trained, or the times when they have a fear of asking because they’re going to be thought of as incompetent or needy. This happens both personally and professionally, and it’s up to us to make a conscious decision to live and lead our life the way we want to.
Well here’s my thoughts on how you can poke your head out, without becoming turtle soup.
ASK
Number one is Asking. It’s all about the how. People are responsive to a well thought out question, one that shows an actual interest in the subject. What infuriates me more than someone not asking for help, is someone who is not helpless asking as an easy button question.
What have you done to find the answer?
Have you tried to find a response before you asked somebody else?
If you’ve tried to get your question answered internally what have you come up with for an answer?
Asking isn’t just about coming up blindly and saying, “How do I do something.” It’s saying, “I’m not sure. I checked into these things. This is how I think I’m supposed to do … Is this right?” Investigate and spend some time in your asking.
Are you open to the idea of being vulnerable and asking?
“Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.” – Voltaire
ATTITUDE
Your demeanor and attitude are also important. Think before you ask. Just like marriage, it’s not something you do on impulse. Your questions shouldn’t be impulsive either.
If you have knowledge on how to do something, you also should be volunteering your information, and helping to create a community …
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If you’re asking every time, you’re becoming a nuisance. You need to understand that, in essence, you have a responsibility yourself to learn and to try to find the answers yourself, and when you can’t or don’t, you then lean on the charity of others. You need to clearly communicate to the other party, whether your boss, your spouse, or a friend, that you are in fact in need of their help and that there is an appreciation for what they are doing by sharing their knowledge with you.
How you approach the other person is key in their response to you. If you come off like you’re owed this imparting of wisdom, I’m just as likely to tell you to go pound salt. If you’re needy you’ll be cut off quickly.
Are you receptive to feedback on how you approach others?
“I bet you could sometimes find all the mysteries of the universe in someone’s hand.” – Benjamin Alire Sáenz
RELATIONSHIP
You’ve got to create a community of helpfulness, with candor. If you have knowledge on how to do something, you also should be volunteering your information, and helping to create a community, in turn, being your own leader in those areas that you are comfortable with.
Openly communicating at times when others aren’t even asking is another way to show that you care about relationships and creating a network of answers. |
Giving outward equally and sharing your knowledge shows the other person that you are invested in them as a means of connection. You are transferring knowledge freely and openly, without a “payback.”
Openly communicating at times when others aren’t even asking is another way to show that you care about relationships and creating a network of answers.
And you can’t just do these things as a one and done. You have to repeat these steps, building the foundation of your current and future relationships.
If you ask repeatedly, I may cast you to the basement with a red stapler, but if you’ve actually gone through the proper thought process—knowing why you’re asking, have the right attitude about why you’re asking, and then are actually trying to help to do something better in the long run—you’ve started to become a better leader. You’ve started to become a person who is strong within themselves, and someone I would be proud to help.
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Photo: Getty Images