Recently I’ve found myself wondering about how we support ourselves, and how we gather support from others. There’s a lot of information out there about how we’re supposed to be totally self-reliant in our practice, in our emotions, and in our lives. There’s a lot of emphasis put on the importance of independence at all costs.
I struggle to take in these messages. When I see something on Instagram or Pinterest or watch a film that’s all, “if you want something done, you’ve got to do it yourself”, I feel uncomfortable. There’s a plethora of messaging in the region of “good things come to those who hustle” and I think, you know what? I’m not going to perpetuate that belief, I don’t believe in it.
Because good things also come to those who support themselves, support others, and receive help where they find it.
I value my independence, I truly do. I became self-employed many many years ago so that I could be more in charge of my life, and have more freedom and the most important to me… to have time.
I know that that’s something a lot of self-employed entrepreneurs are motivated by: being in charge of their own lives, time, creative pursuits. It’s really important.
And I believe that, at the heart of it, we can only really count on ourselves. It’s vitally important that we can take care of ourselves and give what we need to. If we’re always looking outside ourselves for ‘The Answer’, then we can’t truly find all the stuff that makes us happy.
But.
I believe no person is an island. We are all connected. We all rely on other people in some way.
In the grand scheme of things, we each contribute and require support at different times and in different ways. I regularly draw upon the wisdom of others in order to build my life and my creative practice the way I choose. To have others who can really listen to what I’m going through, relate, and offer a different perspective.
And they, in turn, find support through other people. It’s a big old chain that goes around - we truly are all walking each other home, lighting the way at times, and following the light at others.
So here’s the thing:
First and foremost, let’s all just commit to understanding more about how we can support ourselves. For me and most people I know, this is an ongoing practice. I learn how much something supports me, and then I forget. I have days when it’s easy to ask for help or do something positive, and days when I’m incredibly stubborn and run myself into the ground.
But just as important, I believe we also need to be conscious of the help and support we receive from others. And this requires discretion.
I’m very discerning about whose thoughts I allow to come into contact with mine. I unsubscribe from newsletters that don’t resonate. I choose to hear from people who are lighting my way.
Because I’m discerning, it’s easier to remember that other people don’t have ‘The Answer’. Most of the people I follow and look to for wisdom and support are authentic and human. They have rough edges. They have rough days. Their imperfection helps my recovering perfectionist, and I don’t (often) get caught up in “I have to do it exactly like them”. I strengthen my own beliefs and practices through hearing about theirs.
And, when someone’s said something really awesome, I tend to tell them. This is a new thing for me, as I’ve built my own creative practice and started writing more. To know when someone has found something helpful is so rewarding and lets me know I’m on the right track. So I’ve been doing it more.
All this to say: just allow yourself to be walked home by people who resonate. Let them know when they’re onto something that supports you.
I believe it makes a difference to us, collectively.
J x
—
—
This post was previously published on Medium.com.
***
Improve your writing, expand your reach, and monetize your craft.
Join The Good Men Project’s Writers’ Community on Patreon.
We welcome all experience levels.
Learn more on our Patreon page.
***
—
Photo credit: Helena Lopes on Unsplash