Moving in together is a big milestone in a relationship. It signifies that you get to co-parent houseplants, co-own a Spotify account and spend time with your favourite person every day. Although they sound like enjoyable moments, you still might feel somewhat anxious about living with a partner for the very first time.
This is not a small step in a relationship. It is a leap forward, from being on your own (or with roommates, if you are living in shared accommodation) to sharing a space with someone you cherish. Even if you are used to seeing each other every day, you may be concerned about how it will change the nature of your relationship and to what extent the change will be.
After you and your partner move in, your sense of privacy and peace will no longer be the same. The simplest of things — like getting ready for bed, reading a book on the couch, brushing your teeth — are now being observed by your partner constantly. Some of the things you enjoy doing privately in your own space can no longer be done, and you may feel a sense of vulnerability because of that.
You might also feel uneasy thinking just by thinking about sensitive topics, such as managing finances and house chores. Not knowing the difficulty level involved and what it means for your relationship with your life partner can understandably trigger a sense of nervousness. If you feel the burden of moving in together, here are several ways to soothe your mind.
1. Communicate. Make Your Partner Aware About Your Anxiety
One of the most effective means to put anxiety to rest is by discussing, and I mean discussing a lot, instead of keeping the emotions to yourself for fear of hurting your partner.
Not only will sharing what is lingering in your mind alleviate the range of negative emotions you are experiencing, but it will also give a window of opportunity for your partner to disclose what is on their mind.
The last thing you want to deal with when you move in together is practising and maintaining the habit of keeping secrets from each other. As time progresses, that can lead to the build-up of resentment, and the relationship will turn sour as both of you are holding a grudge towards each other.
That said, make it a priority to regularly check in with your partner as you search for a suitable place to live together, unpack your belongings and settle in. There is tremendous comfort in confirming each other’s feelings as you acclimatise to the new living circumstance.
2. Lay Down The Ground Rules
Committing to a life together can both be wonderful and stressful. However, if you are leaning towards the “stressful” side of things, it is worth laying down the ground rules and guidelines. You will want to draw the lines and make those lines clear with your partner even before the keys are ready for collection.
Make your expectations known. Ensure your boundaries are clearly defined and communicated to your partner. Chat with your partner about what you want this whole living-together experience to be like. Discuss with your partner about your schedules, habits, and how you will divide up the house chores in a just and reasonable manner.
Whatever matter is disturbing you from obtaining peace of mind, voice it out to your partner and make sure that both of you are on the same page by the end of the conversation.
3. Define Time Alone and Together
Speaking of laying out ground rules and establishing boundaries, it is worth talking early and frequently about how much time you plan to spend together versus apart.
There is this misconception that you have to do things together if you are in the same space together. However, that is not true; living together does not mean both of you have to be in the action. If you are beginning to feel that you are about to lose grip of your right to individuality, again, speak up and do so as quickly as you can.
No amount of words can stress just how huge of a relief it is to disclose that concern to your partner instead of letting it consume you. It could be as straightforward as agreeing to carve out a few hours weekly where you will both be apart or deciding under which circumstances each is not to disturb the other. By introducing “rules” into this living situation, it will help ease any tension as well as anxiety.
Whatever Happens, Keep That Excitement Going
Be mindful that anxiety and excitement sometimes can feel alike. Hence, thoroughly evaluate whether these uneasy feelings are actually butterflies. It could very well be that you are not nervous in a bad way but ecstatic in a good way at the thought of making this next step as a romantic couple.
One way or the other, never lose sight of the thrill of living together. Enjoy the process as much as you can. Never stop communicating with each other and before you know it, it will feel like both of you have been living together for ages.
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This post was previously published on Medium.
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