You just met the woman of your dreams. You are dying to text to her to get to know her, but you want to make sure you don’t come off desperate in your pursuit. Your mind is running a mile a minute cause you don’t want to screw up your chances with her.
You start asking yourself:
- “Do I wait a couple of days before messaging her?”
- “Do I text her now so she knows I like her?”
- “What do I even say?”
- “What if I say too much and she thinks I’m annoying?”
- “What is she doesn’t even respond, then do I message her again?”
- Maybe you’re feeling completely overwhelmed as to what to text her, or contemplating giving up altogether. You can’t bear the humiliation of rejection nor feel like a failure if she blows you off.
- But, what if she responds?
- What if she is totally interested in getting to know you? Now, what do you do?
Here are the DOs and DON’Ts of texting a woman you really like:
(1) HOW LONG DO I WAIT TO TEXT HER AFTER MEETING?
DO: Text Her The Day You Meet
Sending her a quick text after you have asked for her number, like “hi”, “till we meet again…”, or “great meeting you” allows her to save your number in her phone. The last thing you want is to text her a few days later and have her ask “who is this?.” It can totally make the conversation awkward because you begin to doubt yourself and your interaction. You definitely don’t want to be a random number in her phone.
DON’T: Wait Days To Reach Out
When you wait days to reach out after meeting a woman, she’ll think you’re not interested in her. There is a fine line between being casually distant and falling off the face of the earth. Waiting a week to message a woman after you had a great time hanging out, kills the romantic vibe.
Texting her will keep the vibe alive.
(2) WHAT IF I’M NERVOUS TO TALK TO HER?
DO: Be Your Confident Self
When texting a woman you like, be genuine as if you are messaging a friend. Being your most authentic self will make it much easier for when you meet up in-person. Because when you try to hide behind a screen and pretend to be someone you’re not, then it can make things pretty painful in real life by setting yourself up for an intense interaction. She will be turned off immediately. Own who you are.
DON’T: Worry About Whether She Will Like You
When it comes to having confidence sometimes you have to fake until you make it. If you tend to second guess yourself, it will show up in your interactions with her. Insecurities will kill the thrill of getting to know her.
If you’re unsure where you stand with her, then the best thing you can do is to keep the conversation on a friendship level and see where it takes you. All relationships start with a firm foundation based on friendship. When you remove the romance and intimacy factor from the conversation, you switch your focus to having fun and getting to know her.
(3) WHAT DO I EVEN SAY?
DO: Make Light-hearted Conversation
You’ll want to keep your messages fairly light-hearted in the initial phase of getting to know her. A lot can be misinterpreted and misunderstood via text message, as emotion isn’t always transferable on a screen. This will save you from having to explain yourself or retract hurt feelings.
Asking her open-ended questions about what she enjoys, how she spends her time on the weekends, where she loves to travel to, or where she is originally from, are a few ways to keep the conversation flowing. Ultimately, the questions you ask will allow you to find shared interests between the two of you to create a magnetic bond.
DON’T: Use Lingo That Will Offend Her
This also applies to using humor or slang. If you don’t know her personality very well, then you’ll want to tread lightly in this arena. Sometimes humor can be found offensive because people
view things in a different context based on their personal experiences or beliefs. In other words, keep your texts free of distasteful banter.
(4) WHAT IS THE APPROPRIATE LENGTH OF A MESSAGE I SHOULD SEND?
DO: Keep Your Messages Short
You’ll want to keep your text messages pretty concise. If you are sending more than two or three sentences in one text, it can be a bit too much to read. It’s better to text brief thoughts or questions to really engage her while captivating her attention. This makes it easy for the conversation to flow back and forth.
DON’T: Send Paragraph Text Messages
When you go on tangents or write lengthy paragraphs this can actually turn a woman off. If you can, save storytelling for in-person conversations or over the phone. A lot can be lost in translation and lose her attention. If she has to respond to five questions in regards to one long message, it can make it quite difficult to have a conversation flow for a deeper connection.
(5) HOW OFTEN DO I RESPOND TO HER MESSAGES?
DO: Respond In A Timely Manner
If you and the woman are both into each other, then playing text messaging games of when and when not to respond is downright juvenile. While you don’t need to respond right away to her text message, waiting more than three hours is a bit long. The average time someone opens a text message is three minutes. Unless of course there are circumstances that don’t allow you to respond, like work or you’re on a flight. Ideally, you’ll want to respond within an hour. And, if you’re in a flow of back and forth messaging, then keep the pace of your responses relatively short.
DON’T: Wait Days To Respond
Waiting eight hours or even a couple of days to respond to a message is inconsiderate. Not only are you pushing her away, you are complicating any sort of connection to grow. Communication is the heart of relationships. And, if you like her then you will want to talk to her on a regular basis. So make sure you text messaging is congruent with your needs and desires.
(6) HOW DO I KEEP THE CONVERSATION GOING?
DO: Ask Her Questions
How can you get to know her, if you don’t ask her questions? When you take interest in her, then she is more likely to take interest in you. Plus, you can’t have a conversation with just emojis, gifs, and statements. The conversation is bound to fall flat. The only way to keep the things growing and flowing organically is to ask questions and build a connection based on her responses.
DON’T: Just Talk About Yourself
If you tend to talk quite a bit about yourself in the conversation because you are unsure what to ask, then more than likely she is going to become bored. Not only will the conversation appear one-sided, she will get the impression you are only concerned with yourself. This is not an ideal quality she will want in a mate. Conversations are a two-way street as relationships are all about relating to each other.
(7) WHAT IF SHE DOESN’T RESPOND TO MY INITIAL TEXT?
DO: Give Her Time And Space
She may live a very well-rounded lifestyle keeping her hands tied up. I mean we all do, right? When you text her, give her plenty of time to initiate a response. If she hasn’t responded to your text message after a day, then she may not be interested in getting to know you on a deeper level. However, don’t internalize the lack of response as you did something wrong. It’s better to text a woman who has mutual interest with you.
DON’T: Keep Messaging Her
Sending multiple messages to a woman where you don’t have a solid connection with can be rather obnoxious. Only send her one message on the first initial contact of that particular day. If there isn’t a response, you can send another message in two to three days. Again, if there is a zero response from her on the second try, then avoid messaging her again. It’s time to move on to a woman who is equally interested in you.
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This post is republished on Medium.
Photo credit: iStock