Matt Sweetwood has learned the hard way, being a good guy in a divorce is not only the right thing to do, it’s the smart thing as well.
Here’s a message to men who are going through a divorce: You need to treat your wife better now than you treated her when you were together.
I know you are frustrated and several men have told me they fantasize about exercising bad behavior. It is time to do the right thing, however, and to start thinking smart. Ultimately, it is the only thing to do if you want any chance of getting what you want. Face it, there are aspects of what you want to “win” that are vital. Losing those could lead to a miserable life for you.
When your marriage is falling apart, your relationship with your wife can get very emotional, traumatic, and difficult. Spouses feel the other is being ridiculously cruel and mean. A spouse may be unreasonable and using the children against you, calling you names, telling neighbors and friends things about you that aren’t true. They may even be telling those things to the children. Retaliation is oh so tempting.
Bad behavior by an ex never justifies bad behavior from me. Repeat that again to yourself right now and repeat that every day as your daily affirmation. Bad behavior is only going to hurt you in the long run. I guarantee it. There are many times in life when people need to be aggressive, but being aggressive with your ex will only cause you big problems. By taking the high road you will increase the odds you will get what you need in terms of living expenses, your kids, the courts and more. By always taking the high road and being nice to your ex, you are not being a wimp, you are being strategic.
Having been divorced twice, with my first, a divorce of epic legal proportions, I have learned a few things along the way. One of them is divorce can be extremely unfair and cruel. You feel lost, alone and as if the entire world and legal system is against you. You lost your relationship and marriage, you have fear of losing your children and as a result, you are left with what seems like the only option you have available and that is to seek revenge on your soon-to-be ex.
That’s a strategy that is going to take you to very bad places. In fact , it will likely cost you big money in your divorce, could even jeopardize your rights and time with you children.
Divorce is big business. It’s big business for lawyers, psychiatrists, real estate agents, house sale specialists and some opportunist spouses who seek big judgements from their soon to be ex’s. As such, you need to start treating your divorce like a business deal that is going bad. You need to be super smart and in control to turn it around.
It serves absolutely no benefit to you, other than a quick feel better, to be mean to your ex. In fact, you want to be kind and sympathetic to her and deescalate the situation as much as possible.
You should view her like a hard-to-sell customer that you have to please. You may get tested for your new-found attitude. But you are not going to be pushed into confrontation. You are going to maintain control over every situation and make logical choices about how you handle your divorce and how you interact with your ex.
Most divorcing spouses would tell me that I don’t understand how mean and crazy their ex is. It’s almost impossible to maintain composure with them, you want to tell me. Well it’s time to decide whether you really want to feel decently about your divorce, have the money you need, time with your kids and get back to a productive life after it’s all over. How badly do you want that? Well if you want it bad enough, you will find the mental and emotional strength within you to do whatever it is required.
It is a weird paradox. To have the least painful divorce spouses have to work together as a team.
You may have to be the people in a partnership, that if you acted this way in your marriage, you wouldn’t be getting divorced in the first place.