Question: Coach Allana, Please help me. My husband and I agreed a long time ago that we wouldn’t get involved with each other’s spending. Well my husband lost his job but he is still spending money like he has paychecks coming in every two weeks. I feel as if I can’t say anything since we agreed to never butt in, in terms of spending, but I also don’t want to be living in a refrigerator box because he just had to have something!
Answer:I’m SO glad to hear from you at such a raw emotional time for you both! I just love it when people stop blaming one another or avoiding issues and instead ask questions to change it. That’s grit. Bravo.
So it sounds like you have a deal in place with money to not get involved with each other’s spending. Yet what deal’s in place with that when one of you loses their job? When a huge expense like an unexpected illness occurs? Do you see what I mean? There’s nothing wrong with staying out of each other’s business if each of you contribute to the main expenses and have your own money to play with. Yet when someone can’t contribute to the main bucket of cash for expenses… then a new deal needs to be put in place… yes? Otherwise you wouldn’t be so mad… and scared, yes?
I don’t think anything’s wrong here, it’s a wonderful opportunity to grow in trust, communication, courage and new functional deals that make your marriage thrive. The question becomes… can you communicate your needs in a way he can hear… and is he willing to listen and together create a mutually respectful deal… which will ultimately bring more trust, respect, connection and intimacy… AND will fuel him in finding a GREAT JOB, not just something to pay the bills… WHICH makes you respect him more… see where I’m going?
YET should this communication not go so well or he can’t seem to open up and create a deal that works now that he’s temporarily unemployed, it might be the biggest gift you could give your marriage and future to apply for a complementary strategy session with me at www.AllanaPratt.com/connect. You see the cost of this continued action could be more fights, not finding a job or extending how long it take or lowering the quality of that job, it could mean the end of sex for a while, loss of respect, running out of money, having to move, declare bankruptcy… it’s amazing how many people are simply a few months away from losing it all if they stop making money.
Yet the BENEFIT of investing in a spiritual counselor now is that together I help you learn how to sit in the fire, how to keep your heart open in the face or any challenge, how to communicate in an honoring way that forges connection and respect, how to see this as a gift to take your lives, vocations and marriage to a whole new level of joy and fulfillment… and you don’t have to give these skills, insights, awareness or results back at the end of the 6 sessions… ha! You get to continue to earn dividends your whole marriage! And you have the recordings of all the sessions forever to give you a boost back home into your heart when you lose your mind 😉
Can’t wait to see you in my inbox… AND to be an inspiration to your whole community of what’s possible in Conscious Relationships. LOVE, Allana xoxo
p.s. Gentlemen…End the Fear of Rejection. Enjoy your “How To Be A Noble Badass” Complementary Training at www.GetHerToSayYes.com
Ladies…Be irresistible. Feel sacred. Attract him now. Enjoy your “Vulnerability is the New Sexy” Complementary Training at www.AllanaPratt.com